Kindly evaluate my essay.

[partheden]

Essay topics: Government funding for pure science endeavors, such as space exploration, should be reduced in order to

direct more funding towards humanitarian science projects.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In

developing and supporting your position, be sure to consider specific instances for which this statement

may or may not be true.

 

Over the last century we as humans have witnessed a phenomenal advancement in the space exploration sector. New private companies such as SpaceX and Blue Origin have pledged to take humans to planet Mars for the first time. NASA, which is an independent space agency of the United States has a budget of approximately $2 bilion dollars annually. It is difficult to account for the direct impact space exploration has caused on the socity as a whole. Space exploration has helped us in making various scientific discoveries and in providing a better understanding of the functions of our cosmos. The question is whether is it worth spending so much to see space as venue for futhure scientific discoveries rather than directing such funds towards humanitarian science projetcs?

Humanity’s imagination and curiosity is one of the biggest factor which has lead us to explore the space frontiers and solve one of our basic questions, who are we? Space explorartion has played a big role in proving few answers to our existential questions. Humans are still at the rudimentary stage in exploring our unimginably vast universe. Our home, which is planet Earth has only a limited amount of resources which is depleting at an unprecedented rate. There will come a time when we have used up all our resources and will not be able to provide basic necessities to our growing population. The only way to meet these demands is if we have mastered and made space travel cheaper. Humans will then be able to extract resources from other planets or their moons. With the help of space exploration we humans can find and colonize different planets in case of a natural catastrophe.

Technology and communication play vital roles in our society. Today, within seconds we can locate malls or restaurants near us and send instant messages or share funny cat videos. Its because we humans have a good understanding of the Earth’s orbit we can launch satellites which is a great contributor to our existing fast communication system. Another major benefit derived from space exploration is that it helps us to detect any harmful radiation from explosion of stars near our solar system coming towards us.

On the other hand, there are other fileds in science which requires immediate attention, such as finding cheaper ways to produce clean energy and redefining agriculture. Solving these issues will have an immediate and a direct impact on the society. Advancement in renewable energy will help us tackling climate change and will eradicate the need for resources from other celestial bodies.

Given that there are limited funds priorities have to be determined. From a broader perspective and for the protection of the human race it is necessary to divert most of the funds to development of space travel and exploration.

[Fatima Mottaghi]

Hi,

I just tried my best to put the comments as my knowledge allow me to do:

 

 

1- The length of your essay is better to be longer, maybe from 426 word which it is now, to 600 words, at least.

 

2- I like your range of vocabulary, they will work.

 

3- I wish to see your side and thesis more clearly than it is as: " The question is whether is it worth spending so much to see space as venue for future scientific discoveries rather than directing such funds towards humanitarian science projects?" you didn't refer directly to the statement but provide your side per your hypothetical situation. maybe as: " the statement represent a view which I am not fully agree/ or agree with for the reason of ta ta ta..." refer directly to flaws in the statement.

 

4- your introductory part is mostly discuss about the space exploration and nothing about the humanitarian issues... and I did not find a good transition to your thesis.

 

5- I like your examples but the flow of your examples is not provided properly. It is better to expand one example in more detail in the other body paragraphs. avoid providing several unrelated examples. It will confuse the readers.6- I did not sense a good critical language which put both side of the issue in front of each other. Also you can take advantage of a concession points to be explainedas a separate paragraph.

 

 

Good luck,