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Thread: Need help- please review GRE Issue task

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    Post Need help- please review GRE Issue task

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    Although sound moral judgment is an important characteristic of an effective leader, it is not as important as a leader’s ability to maintain the respect of his or her peers.

    Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position

    My response-


    A successfull organization characterstics comprises of excellent brand name, futuristic vision and growth mindset. For any organisation to exhibit these things the secret ingredient is only one powerful leadership which can make all of this happen!Every company to be successfulll needs a leader that has a sound moral judgement and is an honesty and fair individual. That is why leaders are appointed in first place to give a direction to the people working under them.If for a leader needs to take a side between choosing the right thing and respecting peers decision the predence should always be given to do the right thing. It it vital to any company's long term success and reputation. This is an important quality that any company needs to steer organizanisation that wants to reach new paradigms, guide a company through its tough times. Such situations inevitably demand thorough and intense discussion between the leadership members of an organization. If during such discussion between company board members some members come up with an opinion A and another group come with opinion B then the onus of wise and decision favoring company's health lies on its top lead i.e. the CEO. These difficult circumstances can only be handled assiduosly by a leader who has skills to do a sound judgement and enforce it amongs his/her people.A companies long term health and progress can only be assured if it has one such leader which people can co-relate with the company. These very people become the brand ambassador of the organisations they lead. Microsoft and Bill Gates or Apple and Steve Jobs are synonyms names today. Entire world respects Microsoft and Apple for its excellent products and their contribution to the community. This could not have been possible if they would not have leaders like Steve Jobs. Steve Jobs even after being removed from APPLE came back to APPLE only because of the leadership skills and the mindset he had and we all know what brand APPLE is.There is a famous quote "If you walk along you will only grow small, if you want to grow big you should walk along with people". The leadership should also respect its peers and their opinions on any matter related to the organization. I would like to conclude that based on the different responses the decision which is good for company should be implemented by the leader.

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    Re: Need help- please review GRE Issue task

    Hello, Shreya! Hopefully I’m not catching you too late to be of help. First off, I’d like to say that I think you’ve written a pretty good paper here—you express your ideas well, have a lot to say on the matter, and I think you would be qualified for at least a 4.0 with this essay (possibly higher, as well.) With that being said, here are some ways you may be able to improve the essay a bit, and secure an even higher score:

    1. I would definitely suggest taking somewhat more of a middle ground in response to the prompt, as this is what ETS generally looks for in AWA essays. I know, it sounds a bit pointless to say “I’m more in the middle” in response to a statement when, in reality, you have a very clear stance on it, but unfortunately, it just tends not to be scored as well as an essay that does just this. Towards the end of the essay, you briefly discuss how leadership should respect their peers’ opinions as well as making the “moral decision”—I would definitely spend a bit more time on that in future essays and try to find a way to show how it would be best to take neither extreme (either that of always having decisions conform to the demands of one’s peers or that of always basing decisions off of one’s own moral convictions), and on how each one is more important in their own separate contexts.
    2. There are a few mild grammar mistakes in your essay—which, of course, is usual when you only have so much time to be able to write an essay. None of them take away too much from the comprehension of what you say, nor do they alter the meaning of your statements too much, but of course, it’s always helpful to be aware of grammar mistakes that you may commonly make when under a lot of time-pressure, as being able to notice yourself making them and then fixing them before you have to turn in the essay can make the difference between a higher-quality 5.5 paper and a 6.0 paper!
    3. At one point in the essay, you use an exclamation point. I would advise against this, as to my knowledge, ETS considers this not to be up to standard in academic writing, and may penalize you for it. I know that you really want to make this point stand out from the others, but to make something stand out in academic writing, the use of italics or bold print (in my experience italics are usually preferable) is a better choice for accomplishing this than the use of an exclamation point.

    I hope you find these comments helpful—and keep with it! You’re already off to a good start!

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    Re: Need help- please review GRE Issue task

    Hello,

    I am so glad to receive your feedback on this. I am grateful that you have taken out time to read and post your feedback. Let me know if I can be of any help to you.

    By the way, I have written some more pieces out of the pool of topics, please let me know if you can review some of those as well. Thanks in advance.

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    Re: Need help- please review GRE Issue task

    Hello ,

    I have gone through one of the issue task that you have posted in another thread for a practise exam. I must say what a wonderful cogent piece it is. It really seems flawless to me and I believe it won't be rated any less than 4.5 in the exam. I could see the smooth flow of idea and appropriate examples being supplied to proove your point. I did not notice any grammatical error as such which is great. In short I would rate this on 4.5 . I hope this helps. Thanks.

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    Re: Need help- please review GRE Issue task

    Hello, again! I am glad that you found my advice so helpful! Indeed, I would love to review a few more of your essays if you have some—I will always be glad to help in any way that I can!

    Best,
    —Topher

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    Re: Need help- please review GRE Issue task

    Thank you for your comments and kind words on my essays, and yes, they were indeed helpful! I hope you don't mind if I just ask you one question, though—how might you suspect that I could raise the scores on my essays from a 4.5 up to a slightly higher score?

    Looking forward to your response!
    —Topher

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    Re: Need help- please review GRE Issue task

    Hello,

    Here is the piece I wrote in last exam I took:

    Company management should conduct routine monitoring of all employee e-mail correspondence. Such monitoring will reduce the waste of resources such as time and system capacity, as well as protect the company from lawsuits.
    Write a response in which you discuss your views on the policy and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider the possible consequences of implementing the policy and explain how these consequences shape your position.

    ===========

    The world is moving towards digitization and AI. Petabytes of data is getting generated on a daily basis which gives and insight into the people's and a nation's life in general. With the growing data in the world it becomes all the more necessary for every company to keep a health check on its data in all form. Hence I support the argument that company management should conduct routine monitoring of all employee email correspondence.


    As per the guidelines created for all public companies listed on share market are required to keep data privacy. Failure to adhere to these directly results in cancellation of trade license and a irrevocable damage to a company's reputation. A policy of regular audit if being implemented will help a company assess that any insider trading information is being disclosed and assess whether the employees are adhering to non-disclosure policy or not. There have been incidences in past when insider information has been circulated in market and big companies have faced massive losses due to such malpractice. A regular audit of the emails correspondence of email will help company gauge their compliance.


    Another aspect related to such monitoring is related to how well a a company is doing post sales during warranty period. Usually every company has a helpline email but people often complain that once they purchase something or place an order there is no forum for them which actively addresses their grievances . This situation is applicable right from online apps catering to every facet of a routine life. For example we order food on an app and we are not satisfied with the quality of food delivered then we use customer helpline number or customer care email address to show our grievances. A regular audit
    of emails can help a company understand if such grievances are being addressed rightly and whether the employees need more training to address any customer's grievances properly.


    Another aspect of implementation of this policy is it will help create any company create employee productivity index.Such audits are necessary to understand where the employees are spending the time allocated to them in the office hours. Any employee engaging in using company email address for personal communication can be penalized and someone who is using the office emails diligently and keeping customer satisfaction on highest priority can be rewarded accordingly. These kind of audits will also help a company ensure that employees are not engaging in any malpractice related to IP theft. For any company it is absolutely necessary that its intellectual property is protected. These timely audits will help a company keep a check on this.


    While it is necessary that such audits should be implemented but it is also important that employees should feel that they are being trusted in what they are doing. These audits are important from the point of view of greater good of keeping a company's health in check.
    I would like to conclude that company management should conduct routine monitoring of all employee email correspondence.


    ======================================

    Governments should invest as much in the arts as they do in the military.

    Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.
    ===========

    My Stand on this:

    The advent of human civilization is marked by its progress in all the spheres of life. In the earlier days human beings learned to express themselves by painting using natural colors derived from various plants and fruits and various caves became their canvas for expressing their imagination. Also they learned to make weapons using trees and this phenomenon advanced as human being progressed. These activities have gone hand in hand in the history of human civilization.Hence, I believe that is important for government to invest as much in the arts as they do in the military.


    Human beings needs various channels to give representation to their thoughts.Thus,letting people express their thoughts in the form of skits or paintings is extremely critical for intellectual growth. Critical contribution to a culture's growth is done by the artists of the country. France and Monalisa are synonyms of each other. Another example is Roman culture, known for its rich heritage due to the contribution by its artists.


    In the history art has been a critical instrument for revolution in various countries like Italy. One cannot appreciate the roman culture enough without the artistic treasures it holds. Also, people visit Italy from all corners of earth to appreciate this. Art thus has not only lead to development of its people but also led to economic growth of this country. Italy is one of the top 10 tourist destination because of the rich cultural heritage it holds. Hence, we can note that Art is very important aspect of a country's growth. Therefore government should create means like art schools , art theaters so that people get an opportunity to burnish their skills and express their ideas.


    While the art and its impact on the people of a country is immeasurable the contribution of military in protecting one's motherland cannot be marginalized. It is these people who protect the country against any foreign power. Military is important for any country to show-case its power and readiness to fight against any foreign invasion. It is these people who let the civilians sleep with a sense of peace and protection.


    In conclusion I would like to state that the contribution of arts to a nation and its economy is immense. Hence government should invest in art as much as they in military.

    ===================

    Some people believe that teaching morality should be the foundation of education. Others believe that teaching a foundation of logical reasoning would do more to produce a moral society.
    Write a response in which you discuss which view more closely aligns with your own position and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should address both of the views presented above.

    My stand on this

    Education is one of the core needs of every human being. It enables us to think and act appropriately throughout our life. A strong foundation of education is vital to leading a balanced and successful life. And a logically sound foundation is necessary for human being to operate with his full potential.


    In every sphere of human life logic lies in the core , which drives us towards exhibiting morally correct behavior. In the absence of ability to think properly we never will be able to arrive at a principally correct decision. Logically strong foundation leads us to get a morally correct driving of our life.


    Science, Mathematics and Economics which are the building blocks of society needs to have a strong logical thinking imbibed in every student. If our education would only emphasize on moral science then we will never be able to advance our society and enable the well-being of populace in general. All the scientific inventions that have enabled human beings to lead a better life have been driven by a sound logical thought process of a human being. A sound logical thinking is the foundation of a successful society.


    While we need to have a logically strong foundation we also need to ensure that our moral foundation are strong enough. Once the logical pillars are established we need a morally correct architecture to drive any project successfully. For example, creating a new vaccine against a virus is based on thorough logical understanding of it but ensuring that this will be used for the advantage of mankind and not harming human race needs a proper understanding of what is morally correct for human kind.


    History has witnessed that various empires that lacked moral values have only been crumbled by someone more greedy for power. And vice versa when people united against oppression all such nations have emerged out only stronger. we need to teach such values of morality to children so that they are loyal and devoted . A sound logical thinking is very necessary to enable them to exhibit this morally correct behavior and how they can contribute back to their society.


    Education is a life time process and so is the improving our logical thinking and moral thinking too. I would like to conclude by stating that a good foundation of logic will help us to keep learning life long.

    All of these topics are from revised Manhattan practice test that I have been taking. Any clue how close these tests are to the actual GRE?

    Looking forward to speak with you again.

    Best,
    Shreya





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    Re: Need help- please review GRE Issue task

    Hello, again! Thank you for these essays, they have helped me to get a nice general overview of your writing style. This can help me to understand what you do well and what you struggle with more generally, as opposed to simply how you do on just one essay. Here are the things that stick out the most to me in your writing style:

    First, what you do very well. You are very good at capturing the interest of the readers right at the beginning of the essay—which is important, as, considering that the graders will only have about 3-5 minutes to grade your essay, they are likely to find an essay that can capture their interest right from the beginning to have a higher stylistic quality than a more dry essay. Because of this, I would encourage you to continue developing this already well-developed skill of yours, for it will certainly prove to be one of the particularly strong aspects of your essay. You are also very good at articulating your argument, using solid vocabulary to express your points and supporting them all with overall very solid logic and concrete examples. This, indeed, is the most important thing that the grader will be looking at, so if you can continue to write essays similar to these, I am sure that it will serve you well!

    The one thing I think you might struggle with a bit is giving each side of the issue their own proper time to be validated. In each essay, you cover the validity of both sides to some extent, although one side will usually take up the space of most of the essay, and the other side will be saved until a bit closer to the end of the essay. Generally speaking, though it is okay to take a particular stance on an issue, the graders will be looking for whether or not you represented both sides of the issue equally, so you will want to try and devote a bit more time to the argument with which you agree a bit less—my suggestion would be to dedicate one paragraph to the argument you most agree with and one paragraph to the opposing argument. The last essay that you posted did the best job of all the essays of representing both sides as equally valid, so I would suggest using that style of writing as the best one to go off of when writing future essays. Other than this, however, I thought your essays were very solid and didn't notice any other significant drawbacks.

    As to your question about how the Manhattan Review/Prep practice tests compare to the actual test, my understanding is that their tests in general tend to be somewhat more difficult than the actual GRE, and their essay prompts in particular tend to be somewhat more vague. Following this, taking the Manhattan Review/Prep practice tests is a good way to "over prepare", so to speak, as if you can ace a test that's more difficult than the GRE, you will most likely be able to ace the GRE itself. However, to avoid allowing yourself to get too discouraged by the difficulty of the Manhattan practice tests, I would advise taking a couple of the PowerPrep practice tests offered by ETS themselves so that you can get a good feel for what the actual GRE is like (to my understanding, the PowerPrep tests are the most like the actual test, at least in most cases.)

    Hope you find all of this helpful!

    Best,
    —Topher

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