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Please grade my gre argument essay


Sreeja

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Prompt: Manned space flight is costly and dangerous. Moreover, the recent success of a series of unmanned space probes and satellites has demonstrated that a great deal of useful information can be gathered without the costs and risks associated with sending men and women into space. Therefore, we should invest our resources in unmanned space flight."

 

 

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

 

 

Essay:

 

The argument states that we should invest our resources in unmanned space flight rather than manned space flight because of the following factors. The first factor is manned space flight is expensive and involves risk. The second factor is recent success of a series of unmanned space probes and satellites. The arguer does not take all the factors into account. The argument depends on few assumptions. If the assumptions prove invalid, then the argument falls apart.

 

Firstly, the arguer assumes a great deal of information can be gathered without costs and risks associated with sending men and women by stating recent success series of unmanned space flights as evidence. The arguer does not state what is the information gathered from recent success series and is that information useful for everyone. The recent success series cannot guarantee future success of unmanned space flights. There are cases where more useful information can be gathered from manned space flight as unmanned space flights can gather only the intended information. In manned space flight, a man can gather information about unknown things. If any information could be gathered using using unmanned space flight, then it offers support to the argument

 

Secondly, the arguer assumes that unmanned space flight is better compared to manned space flight as unmanned space flights are cheaper and involves less risk. The arguer does not state if any information can be gathered by unmanned flight. In case of manned space flights, a man can know how to handle risks and gather information. If manned space flights can gather some information which could not be gathered by unmanned space flight, it is better to invest in manned space flight to reap more profits though it is costly.

 

However, if most of the information can be gathered by using manned and unmanned space flights, then it offers support to the argument.

 

If the above assumptions are unwarranted, then it undermines the argument. When all factors which are used for gathering the information are taken into account, they can be used to strengthen or weaken the argument.

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Hey! Here are my thoughts/recommendations:

  • For your body paragraphs, it might be a good idea to give specific examples. "For example, manned flights may provide crucial information about how the human body reacts to specific environments in outer space, which is not possible through unmanned flights." This kind of example makes it easier to understand your point and also demonstrate the weakness of the argument.
  • I think the second paragraph about the costs and risks is not a very strong point. If I could suggest an alternative criticism to make of the argument: the costs and risks for manned and unmanned flight may not be the SAME, i.e. one could be expensive/risky in terms of money, and another in terms of the technology used. Different engineers could be needed to make the two types of space craft. Thus the comparison of cost/risk is not equal for the two.
  • You should try to have 3 body paragraphs. For argument essays, 3 criticisms of the argument will lead to a strong essay. Another weakness here could be that cost may not be the priority for the space agencies. For example, support may be stronger for manned flight due to the general public wanting to see humans in space.
  • Something I like to do in my conclusion is give suggestions to how the author could improve their argument based on the flaws I pointed out. For example, if we talk about the first weakness of the two types of flight collecting different types of information, you could say that the author should address this by confirming that both types of flights are designed for the same purpose, and hence interchangeable. It might sound repetitive, but it's a good way to show that you know what the author can say/do to make their assumptions become a part of the argument.

I would also recommend changing the cadence or flow of your writing a bit. Use long and short sentences instead of the same form of sentence so that it does not sound repetitive.

Overall, I think you need more practice in structuring your essay to make your points clear and your essay stronger. This is a good start - you'll definitely get there with practice! Your grammar is good and you used transition words which made the essay easy to read and understand. I suggest going through more prompts and just taking 5 minutes to list down 3 weaknesses. Once you get better at identifying those assumptions/flaws, you'll find that actually writing the essay is super easy.

Hope this was helpful! Best of luck.

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