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  1. #11
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    Please check my IELTS essay

    Sponsored Ad:
    Could someone check my essay and provide me a feedback with IELTS band. Please check for Grammar, Cohesion and Lexical resource and suggest me to improve my writing.

    Your help will be highly appreciated!


    QUESTION----Some parents and teachers believe that children’s behaviour should be strictly controlled, while others think that children should be allowed to grow up in their own way. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

    It is generally accepted that children’s behavior plays a vital role in their lives. Parents feel proud if their kids show good etiquettes in front of their friends and family. Also, Teachers are the one who helps a child to learn different values in their childhood. I tend to believe that children should be raised under the shadow of their parents and shouldn’t know allow them much freedom.

    First of all, Childhood is the learning stage for any human being. If children are not raised with good moral values they can be easily fall into bad company. Parents should be aware where their children are going to play and with whom. For instance, Children use the internet extensively these days but that should be allowed under the shadow of mature person. They may misuse the internet by surfing through porn sites or getting into trouble while chatting. I would like to share another example where kids start boozing in a teenage if they are not controlled by their parents properly. Moreover, few teachers are really watchful and see what children are doing in the classroom or in school. They keep an eye on their students all the time stops them right away if they find them doing any mischief.

    On the contrary, there are some parents and teachers who believe otherwise. They feel that giving freedom makes their children more responsible and independent. Also, Parents want to give their children a proper space in their lives. They think that having more strictness may make their children more stubborn and they will start hiding things from their parents. Some experts say that parents and teachers should behave like a friend with children so that they feel free to share anything with them.

    If we look at both sides of the argument, I would say that children should be controlled in a proper balance so that they follow good life ethics in their lives without losing their freedom. As we say, “Try not to become a man of success but a man of value”.

  2. #12
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    thank you for providing this information,i read that you check the ielts essay..could you check mine too

  3. #13
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    thank you for providing this information,i read that you check the ielts essay..could you check mine too...
    Nowadays environmental damage is increasing,even after knowing this individuals are doing nothing.what do you think why is this the case.what actions should we take.

    Since the beginning of the recorded time, newly designed and devised technologies have madE are life more comfortable, however, they are also responsible for for pollution and environmental devastation,undoubtedly. curiosity and selfishness are the well-known characteristics ,which give their contribution in escalating it.below i will enumerate the myraids reasons and solutions prior to reach an infirmed conclusion.

    T commence with, nowadays money is considered to be a second God.people are cutting down the trees and forests at supersonic speed for industrial and domestic purposes.elaborately,1000 acres of forests are being cut everyday out of 2.47, which is total.resultantly, minting money can be ascribed to these illful activities.

    Another intervowen factor is,lack of time.In this hectic era,people are so busy in their personal and professional lives that they are not cognizant about thier surroundings and detrimental repercussions.

    to my perspective,answer to to all these problems lies in "greener revolution.government with the help of media should educate the people about 3Rs, that are, recycle,resue and reduce.this will ultimately unlock all the keys and many issues, for instance, disposal of non-biodegradable sources, air ,land and water pollution can be solved.

    to put sea into the vessel, i pen down stating the famous quotes of Blythe Danner,"we as the citizens of this earth have an obligation to leave this earth safer, healthier and better place to live for our children and future generations."

    PLEASE REPLY SOON,WITH MISTAKES AND BAND SCORES

  4. #14
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    This looks like a 5.0 to 5.5, depending on where you do IELTS
    The problems are:
    Task achievement: poor. The introduction has sentences full of unusual phrases with little meaning. The reasons why are understandable, but you are asking the examiner to guess what you mean. The same goes for the solution. The conclusion is the same problem as the introduction. Make it obvious in English exactly what your point is.
    coherence and cohesion: poor. The connections are there, but they are strange. It looks like you are translating directly from your 1st language?
    Vocabulary: poor. There are some big words there, but they are poorly used and there are some crazy phrases, like 'to put sea into a vessel'.
    Grammar: poor. The grammar is strange. It sometimes looks like you know what you are doing, then it seems to get screwed up later in the sentence.
    I am not sure what the solution is here. If you have just prepared by yourself, go and do an IELTS course. That will give you a more solid foundation to move forward. To eradicate the crazy phrases, start reading (anything) for two hours each day. You will start to see how the phrases in your language are expressed in English.
    I hope this helps.
    Mike

  5. #15
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    Can anyone plz give me suggestions: general ielts task 2; many thanks

    Topic: It is generally accepted that families are not as close as they used to be. Give some reasons why this change has happened and suggest how families could be brought closer together. Include any relevant examples from your experience.
    Today the close relationship within the family has become a history. In fact with the influence of western countries, developing countries are also adapting a nuclear system. No doubt, this is today’s a heating issue to identify and resolve its various causes. However, in this essay I will try to contend some unique reasons and solutions to at least reduce the big gap within the close relationship of family.
    The foremost reason behind this issue is in itself a sense of development and success. For instance, parents send their children far from home to get better education and later due to work entitlements they need to adjust at same place. This shapes a fundamental step to increase the gap within them. The next reason is the cost. As even if some of them want to live together, they cannot move easily from small country sites to big cities and it’s harder to migrate to foreign country. Eventually busy schedule, at somehow, reduces the thirst of relationship and everybody start to see in a lucrative way.
    Nevertheless, there is still more than one way to get families together. The most important is the frequent visits, for example to celebrate events and festivals together. In fact, distance does not matter until the feeling and compassion of togetherness is live. Without any doubt, the technology is in itself a solution. They can make calls, send video’s and even live chat to at least lower the trends of being so far.
    To conclude, the reasons could be the solutions, here the only need is to start to see things from different perspectives. The closeness does not mean to stay together, they can share the moments of their time at least frequently, through number of ways, to reduce the big jargons of life.

  6. #16
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    1 out of 1 members found this post helpful. Good post? Yes | No

    IELTS target band 8 - academic

    Please read and give me some commends about my essay Task 2, from Academic point of view. (430 words, hand-written in 44 min’).

    Examine the arguments in favour of and against animal experiments, and come to a conclusion on this issue.

    Animal experiments have long been a heated topic amongst animal lovers, researchers and scientists. It is a known fact that each new drug will have to be tested on animals first before applying for human patients, which is a reasonable and necessary part of the drug development. However, many people consider this action as cruel to the experimented animals, and this should be stopped by the government. From personal point of view, I believe that sacrifices from animals are necessary to medical research, though it will be better if scientists in the future can develop a trialling method that might not involve animals.

    To begin with, there had been a number of drugs been developed thanks to animal experiments. In order to find out how the patients’ bodies will react to a drug, the developer will have to choose to test on a living creature, which, cannot be human since it is rather unpredictable and potentially dangerous if side effects occur. Thus the only option is to experiment this drug on animals with the purpose of saving people. Particularly with some fatal diseases such as cancer, and with the limited power of current technology, taking trial medicines on animals seems to be the only rational and practical step that one has to make. It is obvious that from our human’s perspective, the lives of our fellows are higher regarded than the lives of experimented animals.

    However, there are voices from animal lovers around the world against this practice since this is considered as too cruel to innocent animals. I, on the other hand, disagree with their opinion, as people have eaten animals from a long time ago, and no one had criticised about this. For an animal, being experimented is only as suffering as being eaten, and both are for human’s benefits. Furthermore, although my personal view appears to be unfair to animals, it is important to note that with our current level of technology, animal experiments is the only way for new medicines to be tested before using them on people. In the future, hopefully with the advancement in our medical science, animals will be treated better and less being involved in trialling new drugs, but that is only a mere hope in the increase of many new diseases arising from modern lives.

    In summary, I support the idea that animal experimentation is still inevitable for medical research and developing drugs. In spite of that, there is a faint hope in the future that we might be able to test new drugs without experimenting them on innocent animals.

  7. #17
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    Can anyone please provide suggestions for improvement; (attempted in 43 min's); Thanks




    Many children today find it difficult to concentrate or pay attention at school.

    What could you think are the main causes?
    What are the possible solutions ?


    Nowadays, children are paying less attention in school activities than before. There are various reasons behind this such as hard curriculum, harsh schedule and mischievous behaviour. In this essay, I will explain these causes in more detail and try to offer some effective solutions to at least lower this problem.
    There is no doubt that little one’s are showing less interest in school curriculum. The very first cause is hard and strict curriculum. For example, one school term is comprised of various scientific, technological and mathematical programs. There seems no space for the other courses like painting, art, physical and game period. Ultimately, everyday’s similar yet technical routines turn young ones to show less interest compared to very first day of school excitement. Secondly, today teenagers are following stringent time schedule. For example, their whole day has turned onto a combination of school, tuition and home work routines, in fact, excluding such timing there is very less space for the little one to do exactly what he wants. Thirdly, the mischievous nature of children forces them to participate in play activities than to follow the schedule that they are really not fan of. They prefer to have more fun and hilarious moments due to the fact that this is what a childhood meant to be.
    However, there are various solutions for all the reasons enlisted above. Firstly, the need is to change school timetable. The whole term should be comprised of games and art courses including all other scientific and mathematical approaches. This would at least break a monotonic routine of theory based practices and provide some effective and efficient interest activities. Secondly, school and parent can organize small tours to museum, zoos and science so as to increase young one’s interest in history, living species and scientific routines. This would also increase and fulfil their curiosity to find fun while learning.
    To recapitulate, although this has become a necessity that children should have an interest and knowledge of whole globe and its scientific routines, this could only be accomplished by providing a combination of his and world interest routines together. This will increase their interest together with heterogeneous environment.

  8. #18
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    It is generally agreed that society benefits from the work of its members. Compare th

    It is needless to say societies contain individuals without considering the role of people the word of society is meaningless. However, not all people are worth equally to communities. Some people argue that scientist have crucial role to play. Whereas, others strongly believe that artists are invaluable to their societies and without them communities would be dull and monotonous besides they have impacts on their fans.

    On the one hand, it is deemed that if a country lacks scientist, they are unlikely to make progress. The future of a country correlates the number of intelligent ones and scientist they own. A simple instance is comparing developed nations with developing ones. Developed countries such as Germany strive to absorb highly skilled people throughout the world because it is to the best interest of them. They state the more geniuses dwell in their countries, the more improvement they make.

    On the other hand, others firmly state that artist are worth more. They argue that artists are representatives of a community. For example, directors and movie makers can depict their culture to all over the world. Thus, it is neither sensible nor useful to neglect them. Take a well-liked actor for an instance. Clearly, they have substantial number of fans who consider that actor as their role model. These role models are imitated. Thereby, eventually their behavior will be accepted as a common behavior among people. They can easily set or change a norm in societies. They have such influential roles.

    To sum up, I stand for the latter opinion which means I do agree artists deserve more value. They should be supported and treated well by societies otherwise they would rebel against the community and the result can be a catastrophe owing to being popular. If they shun the mainstream their fans will ignore as well. Then we will end up living in a chaotic society.
    It is needless to say societies contain individuals without considering the role of people the word of society is meaningless. However, not all people are worth equally to communities. Some people argue that scientist have crucial role to play. Whereas, others strongly believe that artists are invaluable to their societies and without them communities would be dull and monotonous besides they have impacts on their fans.

    On the one hand, it is deemed that if a country lacks scientist, they are unlikely to make progress. The future of a country correlates the number of intelligent ones and scientist they own. A simple instance is comparing developed nations with developing ones. Developed countries such as Germany strive to absorb highly skilled people throughout the world because it is to the best interest of them. They state the more geniuses dwell in their countries, the more improvement they make.

    On the other hand, others firmly state that artist are worth more. They argue that artists are representatives of a community. For example, directors and movie makers can depict their culture to all over the world. Thus, it is neither sensible nor useful to neglect them. Take a well-liked actor for an instance. Clearly, they have substantial number of fans who consider that actor as their role model. These role models are imitated. Thereby, eventually their behavior will be accepted as a common behavior among people. They can easily set or change a norm in societies. They have such influential roles.

    To sum up, I stand for the latter opinion which means I do agree artists deserve more value. They should be supported and treated well by societies otherwise they would rebel against the community and the result can be a catastrophe owing to being popular. If they shun the mainstream their fans will ignore as well. Then we will end up living in a chaotic society.

  9. #19
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    Hi Behbahani,
    The introduction is a 5.0. The structure is fine, but the grammar makes it difficult to understand (particularly the first and last sentence). Do not use 'whereas' or 'besides' until your English is stronger. The examiners will not notice

    The body paragraphs look like a low 6.0. The grammar is much better (although you do use a lot of simple sentences).

    The conclusion is a 5.5. You state your opinion, but there is no summary (scientists are not mentioned). Because of this, you end with a crazy set of statements. "To sum up, I stand for the latter opinion which means I do agree artists deserve more value. They should be supported and treated well by societies " is pretty good. Put a summary before this and you will get an easy 6.0.

    Overall, you should get a 5.5, but a 6.0 is close. Go to school. They will sort you out in a month.

    Mike

  10. #20
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    Here mine! thanks in advance. :)

    Hi Everyone,
    Please give me suggestions to improve my IELTS essay, i'm going to take the IELTS exam on March 15 2014. (Time: 25 mins)
    Thanks


    Topic": Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think that this is fully justified while others think it is unfair.


    Some professions weave the very fabric of society but it is widely known that sports professionals earn more than them. Although others think that this is justifiable, some believe that it is unjust.

    Teachers, doctors, nurses, scientists and some others play a significant role in the continuing functioning and development of our society. Despite this, they are poorly compensated. These professionals undergo rigorous training and long hours to achieve their current state. In order to qualify for these positions, there are certain criteria that must be met that are endowed only to few. Without them, society is helpless. It is undeniable that community cannot function without schools and hospitals. Access to healthcare and good education are both essential to the population.

    On the other hand, entertainment has a significant part in the society as well. Sports is one of the most common form of entertainment for people of different walks of life. Being a sports professional is not easy. A great deal of talent and years of dedication to a chosen sport is needed to acquire the status quo like that of Michael Phelps or Manny Pacquiao. These athletes are able to generate a lot of income from sponsorship and money from the crowd that are willing to watch them play. They have a larger audience compared to that of a surgeon. They influence millions of people while doctors save one life at a time.

    It is justifiable that sports professionals earn more since they affect the world in a larger scale.

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