Yes this is the right place for this.
Hey guys, I'm new to urch.com I'm not sure if its the right place for this, but could anyone please evaluate an essay I have written? I am preparing for the GRE and I wrote this essay as a part of my Analyze an Issue task. Please provide suggestions regarding the expected score of the essay and ways to improve it! Thanks
Here's my topic and essay:
To understand the most important characteristics of a society, one must study its major cities.
Cities have always been demographic and cultural hubs of human civilization since ancient history. A city represents a full spectrum of population of a society in regards to culture, race, wealth and habits. Study of the major cities gives a unique chance to peer into an accurately represented group of individuals and conditions of that era.
The data collected from studying a city represents the demographics of a huge number of people. It gives the information about their average age, sex, employment and literacy rate. People in a city are from diverse geographical and cultural backgrounds. Due to this, they provide a concentrated sample representing a much larger scope of population. So, it is easy to see that any data collected as a result of study of a city is reliable and is representative of the actual society.
Additionally, the study of intangible factors such as the philosophical interests and the political inclination of the people in a city provides profound insight about the society’s behaviors. As a result, one can make accurate predictions about the society's reaction to sensitive issues such as religious agendas, politics, war and crime. For example, the recent decision of legalizing gay marriage in the USA is a result of continuous support from both the gay as well as the straight communities in the major metropolitan areas of the country over time.We can infer that an accurate knowledge of a city gives prediction about the various behavior of people living in it.
Similarly the work habits and culture of people in a city, their taste in music, arts and popular entertainment are indicators of their level of productivity and happiness. Although insightful, it is necessary to realize that the results of these studies may be influenced by factors of national and global interests such as wars and natural calamities.
Thus, the study of major cities of a society ensures an accurate, precise and well represented data regarding a huge mass of people in a wide scope.
This essay could use more specific examples, like data showing that many groups are represented in a specific major city. Also, it is a good idea to acknowledge the other side of the issue in your argument and reiterate it to show that you understand it. Respond to criticisms that may be raised by the other side. I don't see any objections to your side of the issue mentioned here.
I would give it about a 3-4.
See: https://www.ets.org/gre/revised_gene.../scoring_guide for more information about AWA scoring.
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