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You're welcome =)!

I believe this is what you want to find: http://www.www.urch.com/forums/toefl-members-only/436-formula-essay-paragraphs.html HTH =)! Phuong

Hi sdot! dungtd255 has pointed out some of the correct grammar mistakes (some were NOT mistakes, like "start school" is a perfectly fine phrase). I think you have done a very good job for this essay despite those mistakes. The three ideas are very valid and well-supported. I also love the way you introduce the essay and conclude it. You have succeeded in making the essay personal and not too dry, which is a very neccessary thing. The ideas are presented in a logical way. However, you can give personal examples for the 3rd and 4th paragraphs to make them more persuasive. As a whole, I would rate the essay a 5.0+/6.0. Keep up the good work! Phuong

Hi there =), To me this is a very good essay, despite some grammar mistakes and typos. The structure is very clear and easy to catch. All the ideas are reasonable and valid. Good examples and fact to strengthen the persuasion. Good introduction, which can opens the topic in a smooth way. Good conclusion, which can relates to your own experience to make the essay more personal. Yet you still have some minus points that are noticeable. Sometimes the ideas are redundant (the AIDS thing) and phrasing is inflexible (especially the 2nd paragraph). Overall it is still a good work! I would rate this essay a 5.0+/6.0. Phuong

Yes I partially agree with Ish about the above comments of his. Yours is quite a good essay to me. You are good at grammar but yes, as Ish pointed out, should be more flexible and creative in phrasing and wording. The ideas are valid at least to me. But I don't think that this was too rigid for you to have written like that. As long as your reasons and examples are persuasive, being firm on your opinion is perfectly fine. A 5.0/6.0 from me.

Yes it is truly an excellent essay! A 5.5/6.0 from me. What it lacks may be the personal experience or real life examples to make the whole package more attractive. You rock!

Hi mi0000, Codename has pointed out the major problems in your essay. The 1st and 2nd ideas are too similar to be seperated. The 3rd idea about employment can be considered valid. You seem you use too many "nowadays". However you have a good grammar background, which is a very strong point indeed. Overall I would give the essay a 4.5-/6.0. Very best, Phuong

I agree with Codename Gordon!

You're welcome :D. I believe you'll ace it easily!

Hey mates what is the word limit for a TOEFL essay? Is it 300 or 350?

Hi Codename Gordon! Personally I think yours is a good essay in terms of both grammar and logic. It is perfectly normal if you do not clearly agree or disagree with the statement. You have done a good job in demonstrating clearly both sides of the coin. The conclusion is very good, since it states your stand in a very reasonable way. There are just some ideas I would like to share as reference for the 2nd paragraph. Actually exhibition is just one function of zoos. Zoos also are the places where scientists can study about animal behaviors and related subjects (and usually when an animal dies, they will perform operations on the body for scientific purposes). A zoo can be a very place to protect endangered animals and plants, too. Overall I like your neat and clear essay very much. A 5.5/6.0 from me.

And you know you are welcome =).

Dear Azi, This essay is a much better essay compared to your last one. Dexterxxx has pointed out some of the salient mistakes for you. In the quotation below are some of my corrections for wrong use of words or phrases. Overall I think the essay is very straight to the point, has quite argumentative ideas and is organized in a clear way. If you improve on the abovementioned mistakes, your essay should be fine. I would give this one a 4.5++/6.0. All the best :grad:, Phuong

6.0/6.0!!!

I'm glad you're not dishearted. Way to go, that's the spirit!