You have a solid structure but I think there are several areas for improvement:
1. You basically disagreed with the prompt. That's fine but just say you disagree with it. There is no such thing as a "voluntary requirement." It's not a requirement if it's voluntary.
2. You made too many grammar and usage errors. For example your second sentence contains a parallelism error. The three verbs that need to be parallel are improve, widen, and make. You need to put them in the same tense. If you make too many of these mistakes on your actual test you will not achieve a top score even if you have a solid structure.
3. Don't use phrases like "One of the reasons I can think of..." You wrote the essay, of course you thought it. Just say "One reason is..."
4. Don't use vague phrases like "get successful." Do you mean building connections helps you establish business relationships, collaborations in academic projects, or something else? Clarify your statements.
Sorry if I sounded harsh. Just trying to help.