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awhig

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Everything posted by awhig

  1. Score : 3.5 Comments: 1. Some mistakes pointed above in bold. 2. Second point is contradictory. 3. Tenses , singular/plural and spelling mistakes. 4. Check your work. 5. First point is valid.
  2. awhig

    Please Grade My Essay

    Score : 3.0 Comments: 1. Your method of starting the topic by defining a neighbor is very good. 2. Can see many important points but unfortunately your essay is too concise.Expand a little and dedicate different point to different para. 3. In first few lines, you directly jump to conclude that neighbor means generous. Slow a bit here. 4. At places your sentences are long.Long sentences may make your essay error prone. 5. Try to highlight points and then elaborate.This will help you think. As a summarization: Good neighbors exhibit following qualities: 1. Helpful and generous. 2. Non-interfering. ( Not poking in others' affairs) 3. Vigilant. ( Neighborhood watch area.....) 4. Informative.( Do not spread rumors...) 5. Decent outlook in life.
  3. awhig

    Please Grade My Essay

    Score : 2.5 - 3.0 Comments: 1. 1st sentence is ends improperly. Do not make it long. 2. Grammar needs care. 3. Essay is short but points are valid. 4. Expand your essay by examples.
  4. awhig

    Please rate my essay

    Score : 3.5 (On ideas only) Comments: 1. As said earlier , above, highlight a point and then start describing. For 1st para, it can be: "Multitasking is not always a blessing, as it may lead to faults or mistakes than what was never thought of.Multitasking many projects are harmful because it may bring following : a. Inconsistency, that may further lead to imperfection. b. Time consumption and hence energy wastage. Point b. can be illustrated by stating that turnaround time of a task may increase and hence decrease throughput.
  5. awhig

    Please rate my essay

    1st , 2nd , 3rd person means how are you writing a sentence. Example : If a sentence is " He or she should desist from doing this..." -- This is written from 2nd person's view that is you are pointing to a person and writing from his/her context. Same thing when written from third person's view . it will be written as "One should desist from doing this ..." ... NOTE here He/She vanish and that it becomes general...applicable to any human being irrespective of gender. Same thing when written from 1st person's view " You should desist from doing this ... OR " I should desist from doing this ..." .. Here "you" , "I" represent first person. When ever writing essay , try to stick to third person as it looks better ( my opinion) .. Anyway its your choice. Point is being coherent. As fas as words are concerned : " You wrote : Teachers provide education. This is not correct technically as here education is being termed as a commodity. Education is provided as a service by an institution or government.A teacher shares knowledge with students rather than providing them. I rated your another essay in the post started by PTS.
  6. awhig

    Please rate my essay

    Score : 3.5 - 4.0 1. Marks cut mainly due to above reasons.
  7. awhig

    Please rate my essay

    Comments: 1. Tenses, first ,2nd , 3rd person.....needs care. 2. Good points must come first. 3. Practice. 4. Highlight main points you feel strong about.Then expand them in separate paras. 5. Follow comments in bold.
  8. Comments: 1. Rewrite this essay. 2. Follow comments in red and bold. 3. Following can be helpful to you if you are running out of points: a. Lying is bad as it brings distrust , low confidence and escapist. b. Distrust : because it can break relationship. ( You can cite various examples : like marriage -- if spouse ditches you , you feel bad. c. Low Confidence : One does not feel confident enough to face realities of life. ( give examples .....).It may retard one's intellectual growth .... d. Escapist : One develops a sense of escapism by not taking responsibility( Give examples ....)
  9. You do not need special materials on writing part. For this just visit forum regularly. just take a look at other's work both past and present posts. If you really want to write good, first try to analyze others' works, critique them.
  10. Comments: 1. Your points are valid but need to present them a little better. 2. I find vagueness. For example: "My city is poor hence my friend must not move here as he will face difficulties." Agree but poor should be elaborated or some phrase would have been better like : My city is not well equipped to my friend's expectations.For example: Lack of facilities etc..... ...Then you can extend further to support your point.
  11. Score : 5.0 ( Did not check grammar. Only ideas and flow were scored) Comments : 1. personally, I agree with the topic.Lying is acceptable on special occasions.(Do not think that this prompted me to cut your marks). 2. Conclusion is strong and good. 3. Starting is good because of short sentences. 4. 2nd para 1st line is a little vague. "Many things "..... try to be direct. 5. 3rd para acceptable. 6. 4th para can be clubbed with para 3 for extension. 7. Flow is there.
  12. Score : 6.0 ( On the basis of points, flow and reasoning. not checked your grammar) Comments; 1. Perfect points. 2. No other comments , just perfect.
  13. I agree to zymetn02's comments. I cut marks mainly because : 1. No formatting. ( In this case ,I accept that it may be some posting error) 2. You could have brought different points in different paragraphs. See TOEFL not only tests your writing skills but also stresses on presentation. An examiner has to check many essays during a day and so if your presentation is good, it will give a glance to what you want to say. 4. My aim was not to discourage you but to warn you of such failures. 5. Variety is what should be stressed on.An examiner also wants to test your thinking ability and how can you connect things. 6. When you format and dedicate single para to a different point, it brings professionalism else it looks cliche. 7. TOEFL also tests your command over language use.i.e punctuation marks, proper use of words and correct adjectives. Had this been a GRE essay, these points would have been overlooked. 8. When i looked at your essay, I thought you wrote less.
  14. I would give you 4.0 . This is because of grammatical errors and not on ideas.
  15. Score : 3.0 Comments: 1. You are not direct in your first para.Stress on main point and then give example of your grandparents. 2. No word called "continually". 3. your sentences are vague.Example: Fix way of life.. Define it else reader will loose context.I know what you intend to say but still it looks uncomfortable. 4. Format your work. 5. try to write different points in different paragraphs.
  16. Agree with zymetn02.Good checking.There is no word called attractivity (3rd para second line first word). Use attraction as adjective. As correctly pointed by zymeth02, your first point could have been better had you not related introduction of school with good marks.Stress on the fact that school would raise the level of awareness and denizens would be prompted to go. This would develop interest in education and hence uplift-ment.
  17. Score : 5.0 - 5.5 Comments: 1. Nice views. 2. Flair is there in your language. 3. When ever writing essay, try to write from a third person view even though question prompts you to write from first or second person view. This would bring professionalism in your writing.
  18. Score: 6.0 1. Unique way of addressing the issue. 2. Points are logical and direct. 3. good balance of views. 4. Conclusion is short but acceptable.
  19. Score : 3.0 - 3.5 1. Sentences construction errors, change of tenses, first-second person , took tll of your marks. 2. Point 1 and 2 appear to convey same thing.
  20. Score : 3.5 - 4.0 Comments: 1. Try not to copy sentences from the question in the intro para.This makes your essay a little boring. ( do not take it as offense). 2. First line of second para is not clear. "transfer for new grade" ? 3. Error in sentence construction at few places. 4. Can make sense of your view but can you can do better in presenting them.Looks like you are talking to somebody on phone. Main reason, I give you less score is on two accounts: 1. Basic sentence construction errors in some places. 2. Presentation of ideas. Don't worry you can do better.What I mean is try to write little professional.
  21. Score : 4.0 - 4.5 Views: 1. I assume that it is formatting error, while posting, that I am unable to see your essay break up in different paras. 2. First person , second person third person ? Try to stick with one. That brings coherency. 3. Points are ok. 4. Singular / plural errors spotted at some places. 5. You have addresses the main question of healthiness in the middle. Put this issue first and write with respect to it. 6. First line of the essay is impressive. This may help you: 1. Pre-cooked food is advantageous because of its time saving nature and easiness.Moreover, it makes seasonal fruits to be available throughout Infact the bold point is the most important point because this is one of the big reasons of opening Food Processing units. it makes an item available throughout year. 2. But at the same time it can be unhealthy due to added preservatives and packaging that destroys vitamins and minerals. How? Give an example of meat products and milk. On the other hand pickles and dry fruits are best stored. Then you can develop from here.
  22. Score : 4.5 Comments: 1. you have tried well but ending is not so impressive. 2. A good ending can be summarizing points or adding a new point that convinces reader about your stand. 3. Please do not mind, first para is cliche. You can improve. 4. Fluency is a plus point here. 5. Good part is the middle portion of your essay where you have brought various points in different paras. 6. refine your language a little bit.
  23. Score : 5.0 Comments: 1. Best part I liked is your discussion of distinct points in different paras. 2. Found some mistakes regarding grammar. Example: Shortening time could have been better replaced by less time. 3. Fluency is there. 4. Examples add strength to your essay. Stress on the first point pointed by me. Rest can be taken care off iff you review your work. With little practice you can score 6.0.
  24. I am not aware of the new format of TOEFL but if Speaking part is meant for teaching in graduate school, I suggest you not to appear for it. Instead take SPEAK test at the university when admitted.
  25. Score : 4.0 Comments: 1. You need to work on presenting the ideas better. 2. Language used appears like you are talking to somebody. 3. If possible use short and robust meaning sentences. This way you can write more . 4. Check your work after writing.some mistakes I have found. 5. Lot of examples are a plus. 6. First para is average. 7. Take care of tenses. 8. First discuss an idea in general and then support it by examples. 9. Try to avoid "you" i.e do not write in second or first person.
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