maharsh011

Hi, Regarding your essay. I can say that if you know the exact meaning of curriculum (not what you assume ) by going through wikipedia. You will have more an argument. The fact is you have not understood the meaning of the word curriculum. It is very essential to know the exact meaning of the words that are used in the issues in GRE because that is what makes the argument weak. Go search in wikipedia and rewrite your essay it will be much better.

Hi, I am actually writing this post because I think I find an interesting technique to write a good GRE issue analysis. I will take two arguments and I will give you two arguments both written by me. One previously not written by the technique and one written using the technique. Argument 1: As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate. I will not discuss how I have written my first essay. i will just post it. " Technology specially in the 21st century has replaced man as his best friend and now it is turning out to be his best advisor. So much reliance on technology for every aspect of life is gradually taking a toll on man's intellect. Technology is dumbing down man's ability to do mental calculations. Nowadays because of availability of calculators in even rudimentary of handsets , people are not caring to do any kind of mental calculations. It is surprising to see that even for small calculation people has to take out their fancy mobiles. There is too much trust on technology nowadays. People follow GPS to the letter even if it might lead to a wrong destination. For every aspect man is ready to sacrifice their intuition and rely on a gadget. It is okay to rely on your mobile when you are lost. But it is really disturbing to see people trust informations on media far too much than necessary. There is a slurdge of useless information which is being dumped on people thanks to technology. people are relying on hoax news and anything printed on social media is treated as a gospel without further thought. Imagination is an important aspect of growing a man's intellect and technolgy is somewhat responsible for diminishing that. Before there is any facebook and twitter people had some free peorsonal time for themselves which is very helpful for having some thoughts. But now people have no time for themselves. Even without people they are tied to their social networks. Technology however is very important tool if used judiciously. Internet helps in acquiring new skills for people who have spare time for that. A person can be productive and imaginative also if he tries to develop some applications on the technology platforms. Technology when used for channeling creative energy can be the biggest advantage anybody can have. So, judging from afar technologies role has become an advisor to people nowadays rather than an accessory. When these happens people forget their own superiority and praise technology like some kind of a holy figure ,for eg. apple products. Overall, technology is very important and it is difficult to survive in current world without it but it should always be treated like an auxiliary ." Nothing to discuss about it . Pure imagination without technique. Tried to use barron's technique (claim:warrant:grounds). After 5 mins no idea has come to my mind and has just written whatever I feel write. Now about the technique: First I divided the words in the argument Like this : As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate. So now I am concentrating on the words in the argument, problems,technology,humans think for themselves deteriorate. What i have started to think is to analysis on the basis of these words rather than the entire argument. So this is my output using this technique. " "Problems and their solutions is humanity all about. The moment a human began to question the natural order he was faced with problems. It is because of these problems that has pushed human being to progress. Starting from the early human kind and right current to our present life situation , humanity is a continous journey of solving problems. It can be safely put that human beings will cease to exist if there are no problems at all Technology is the way to help a human being to stop thinking about old problems and concentrate on new ones. So gradually the pile of technology has grown up as we continue to solve problem . It can be evident that the amount of technology used by a common man now is astronomical compared to the amount might be used by an early man. This is simply because we have solved more problems. Now distance does not matter, environment does not matter and even in some scenarios essential human necessities does not matter. People can survive because of the virtue of technology. However sometimes the solutions of problems become problems as well. As we have somehow fixed the solution about large distance,we have created a new problem environmental pollution. Problems which are non existant in earlier societies have become prominent. But the solution of all these problems is again technology. The statement emphasizing the gradual decline of human understanding is a gross misrepresentation. Technology has helped us in solving fundumental problems which are used to be a man's major concern. The best example can be todays city culture and ancient times culture. We all know food and water are the most essential requirement of human being . if we examine early people their majority of life used to be spent on gathering or producing food. But now if we see approximately 20% or even less than that are responsible for producing food . The rest does thing which are more important than searching or gathering food for survival. How has this been achieved ? With the help of technology. We did not have einstein or edison or even great artists like mozart in the early men's time. Because at that time the major purposes of the geniuses was to hunt for food or to gather food. So in away it can be safely asserted that technology has helped in human enlightment rather than in constraining his thought. The last part of the statement is the favourite topic of science fiction movies which discuss about the day technology will overpower human being. The assertion is partly true because we dont nowadays think about where to get the next meal too much as those things are already provided unless there is a calamity which can also be predicted through technology. We dont think about getting lost anywhere or being away from communication. So most of the things that we used to think are essential have already been taken care of to much extent(improvements are still desired). Whether this not thinking for ourselves will deteriorate our thinking is not a very convincing argument, because as civilization has progressed, thinking for ourselves have changed a lot. Now we think about mobile coverages or internet access, 18th century people used to think about access to post office as thinking for themselves. So people generally change their own thinking with the change in time. Hence deterioration will not happen, a change of preference will. Technology is the ship which has been built by the man for his journey to the unknown. Distrusting that ship itself may not be a wise decision." What i have realized i am able to think better , more coherently and also apt analysis coming out of my mind. When i read this essay i find it much better than the previous one and with less grammatical mistakes. My mistake was that I was reaing the entire argument and then making a general perception out of it. But what i think is required to analysis each and every word said in the argument and weigh them accordingly, because each word gives a meaning to the argument or representation. My next argument analysis is of this issue: Educational institutions have a responsibility to dissuade students from pursuing fields of study in which they are unlikely to succeed My previous argument analysis is below: "According to the statement educations role should be elevated to the status of a judge who decides human future when it is at its nascent state. This might be a blunder which might cripple them forever. It is very difficult or biasful to judge a student in his/her formative years and to determine in which field he/she is going to succeed. Student life is just the beginning phase and sometimes human character changes based on different situations. Judging that a student will succeed in a particular field is a farfetched imagination which is actually making a put and hoping that it works. Future is unpredictible and there are lot of situations that a grown up will face which will give him a new direction in life. IF the educational institutions take it in their hands to judge a students fate it will be a little bit cruel for the student . Human beings are born to make mistakes and by self realisation they undertand their purpose. This inference can be drawn in case of choosing fields of study as well. Many individuals have changed their field of study or changed their career for better opportunities. Decision regarding choosing a field is more or less present which is influenced by job or career opprotunites. Nowadays people are less inclined to study literature as it does not give them better job prospects. making the schools' responsibility to dissuade may not be necessary . Students generally choose fields which give them a better opportunity. Discriminating students on the basis of fields sometime create alienation between them, as they tend to realize that they are not born to pursue this field. This kind of situation creates a vast gap between students. What is lost is the knowledge that all fields of study have originated from the same source. If it is left to the student to decide, most of the time it helps him to understand his own flaws and make his judgement accordingly However, there are often instances when a student chooses a field in which he is not succeeding. The student generally loses his self confidence n this kind of situation and cannot cope up with others. He might have taken the decision on parents suggestion or through peer pressure. Schools in that cases schools should understand the student. If the schools have prohibited the student earlier, it might create a major dent in his confidence. Authorities should interact with these kind of people and understand their social upbringings. That give a better picture of why he has chosen the field inspite of him lacking interest in it. So it is not all a wise idea to burden the institution with the responsibility to make a students destiny. Education's main responsibility is empowerment. To empower the students with the right knowledge is their duty rather than to decide their future. " Using the technique of dividing the argument into words I have the following words with me: Responsibility, dissuade students, pursuing fields of study, succeed My analysis following this technique is : "educational institutions like all other institutions are part and parcel of the society and hence for the progress of the society they have certain responsibilities. Educational institutions are not run in thin air. Each ingredient ,starting from the school amenities to the teachers have to be accounted for. So since they are costly, they have to be valuable.Hence, it is essential for the institutions to give the best outputs that means best students which are necessary for the building of the society as well as for its further improvement. The statement emphasizes that the responsibilities which have already been issued to these establishments should be increased and include the encouragement or discouragement of a student to enter a particular field based on his abilities. From a business point of view where we are concentrated on getting maximum output/profit this is a logical statement. As we know a bad foundation leads to a bad infrastructure hence choosing of a field should be determined by mental or physical ability. Unfortunately we are dealing with humans here and sometimes taking such kind of measures may not give to perfect solutions. There are a lot of postulates that has to be taken care in order to support that and everything is dependent on the future. If we ask a person who has a low IQ to stop studying maths because anyway he is going to be bad at it, we are not taking care of all his other options. We are not taking care where he is coming from, where his parents are working, are they economically stable. Is this decision of quiting maths going to affect their lives as well? This will look like a very absurd statement to make if we say " Son, you have 20 percent chance to succeed in this field and so dont pursue it". Taking these into account institutions do some kind of persuasion, dissuasion by providing grades. So if a person is not good at something he gets a C- and if he is very good he gets a a+. Extending that to act as some sort of a career consultant is something which the schools are not paid for. The last part is all about success which is itself a very dubious statement.Nobody has been able to say what is going to succeed and what is going to fail. Since no wise man has successfully said that the schools without exception will not be able to do it properly. If we take best example, Steve jobs and thomas edison are drop outs rejected by the institutes who had created new industries. However the role of the educational institutions should atleast be extended to mentoring or providing someone a helping hand. Sometimes students take bold steps in order to prove themselves as well as to prove others. Schools in that scenarios often act as a bully or a kind of a passive dissuader. It would be very helpful for the futures of the society , if their alma mater gives them a guiding hand and act as a friend or an advisor rather than a judge. Education is essential for smooth running of society and providing fresh supply of students to continue the progress of human civilization. Confusing education with enlightenment will be a gross mistake from the society's point of view. No matter how much educated a person he will be enlightened in his own way only. So judging all the above scenarios, the statements suggestion of elevating education to enlightenment may not be a good idea." Both the essays are written by me and both have such a different output. I am surprised This might be a very good technique to do analysis (at least for me it worked) when we have to check two important evils of writing this kind of essay :1. Digression 2. Lack of articulation If you have any other techniques, kindly share . it will be very helpful for everyone in the forum. P.S. I am surprised this is not mentioned anywhere explicitly. that is why i thought about writing about it :) -Regards, Maharshi

I think you should not start your post with an adverb. First paragraph is for context setting. I dont think there is any need to put two contrasting things in the same paragraph that too in the first one. Your essay is good overall but that second line in your first paragraph ruined it.Conclusion is a little bit repetitive and does not look like finishing the paragraph. I think the most strongest aspect in an essay should be its introduction and conclusion. That is definitely going to affect the reader's attitude towards your essay. Make it strong