hforgre

Hello my friend, I just finished reading your essay and I am very impressed by the examples that you used to support your argument. I think you elaborated on the issue very well and took a clear position. However, I must say that your thesis in the intro does not state your position clearly and concisely. It is a little bit confusing. Although I liked your first body paragraph, I found your transition to the second as a bit weak. Your second and third body paragraphs could have been stronger if you had aggregated them. Besides these, I think you did a good job by adding a concession point where you explained the downsides of a shared curriculum however it seems a bit confounding. You could have explicated why different cultures should learn about different subjects. Lastly, you have some minor grammar issues and I really liked your conclusion, but if I were you, I would not have used that last sentence since it is like a restatement of the first sentence of the conlusion. Overall, I think it was a persuasive essay with some structural and grammatical errors. Therefore my grade is 4.0 for this essay. I hope this review is useful for you. I am preparing for GRE as well so if you please read my essay and review it, I will be appreciated.

Scandals are useful because they focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could. Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position. A reveal of something that is considered unpleasant or inappropriate by the public is called a scandal. Scandals are most of the time are not useful for the society since they might cause lack of trust in government and do not generally lead to successful reforms. When we talk about scandals, often times we relate it to politics. In terms of politics, scandals are not useful for the society because they might lead to loss of trust in government and political process. For example, a member of the parliament might very well vote on a policy issue based on his/her economic concerns and bargain with corporate institutions. A news report that reveals this scandal, however, might result in voters generalizing all other members and losing trust in politics. The loss of trust in politics is a great danger for democracies because when people think that they do not have the power to direct politics, they might refuse to vote and this would ultimately lead to the collapse of democracy. Just as scandals are a threat for democracy and trust in political systems, they also do not open new ways for reforms rather they make these scandalous acts mundane. A good example of that is the political crisis that is currently going on in Uganda. A unanimous Twitter account has released the documents that prove the corruption in government. The government did not punish those who committed these acts and now the public sees this massive scandal as an intrinsic part of a government. Although these two convincing facts tell us that scandals are not useful tools that can achieve big things for society, scandals sometimes can increase the awareness of society. The Snowden case is a perfect example for this. Edward Snowden who worked for CIA previously has released documents showing the daily intervention of government in our private lives. Although it was criticized by some, it has helped citizens to know their rights and how the government exercises its power. A scandal should not be considered useful because it leads to loss of trust in political process and does not bring new reforms or good outcomes. One might argue that a scandal increases our awareness but what they take from us is bigger than what they give.