brian_sky

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Rating: 4.5 Comments: Rizov, this essay is well organized. You include a lot of great reasons and examples to support your argument, which is really effective. However, you need to be more careful with your word choice, grammar, and tense. Also you should try to cut off some of the repeated ideas. Overall this is a good essay! Below are some grammatical errors and explanations, and I hope they will be helpful! TOEFL structure & writing online tutor Brian bcsky54@yahoo.com.tw This sentence is not wrong! I don't think it is correct to use the word "during" instead of the word "when". A comma can never connect two independent clauses. You need to add a connector or change the comma to a semicolon. You have too many connectors in this sentence. You should get rid of the word "Because" at the beginning of the sentence, and add a comma before the word "and". Also take out the comma before "when", so the sentence will read I want to be time efficient, and I don't want to waste my time doing the work by hand when there are machines invented in order to help me. You made a mistake with the preposition here. You don't sit "on" the computer; you sit "in front of" a computer. The sentence can be corrected this way I just sit in front of my computer, type the letter, and send it. Use the word "can" instead of "is". If i have to do all the sending by hand it will take me at least half an hour to get to the post office. The word "sending" should have a "s" at the end; it is plural. Also add a comma after the word "hand". The word "amount" is non-count. You don't need a "s" at the end. Tense shift! Use present tense! Tense shift! The verb "have" should be in the past tense. Redundant! Cut down this paragraph a little bit! You don't need "the" before "machines".

For example, if you say a sentence like What is the homework? You are asking a question! You want to know about the homework! But if you say a sentence like I just found out what the home work is. You are not asking a question here! Do you see? To be more clear, I will give you another example. If you say a sentence like Do you know what the homework is? Is this a question? Yes! The sentence is a question. How about "what the homework is"? Is that a question? NO!! You have to think of the sentence this way.. Do you know something? This is a question, and the word "something" is a noun functioning as an object of the verb "know" in this sentence. Now you just replace the word "something" with the noun clause "what the homework is", and it will become: Do you know what the homework is? Do you see? The noun clause "what the homework is" is just like the word "something" in the previous sentence; it functions as the object of the verb "know", but it is not a question. The main clause "Do you know" is a question, but not the noun clause "what the homework is". Now let's look at the first question you have posted. The answer should be A. Why is it not C? Let's think about it! The word "why" in this sentence is a connector. Therefore, "why...around the world." is a noun clause, not a question! If it is not a question, we should not inverse the subject and the verb. In choice C, the verb "are" comes before the subject "diets", which is incorrect. The answer to your second question should be A. (And I think the first letter "O" should be upper case.) B is not correct because a comma cannot connect two independent clauses. C is wrong because the word "because" does not really make sense in this sentence, although it is grammatically correct. Choice D does not have the word "Of" at the beginning, which makes the sentence unclear about what" the 1800 poems" have to do with the rest of the sentence. Choice A is correct! The expression "Of the 1800 poems" means "Out of the 1800 poems" or "In the 1800 poems", which makes the relationship with the rest of the sentence more clear. (I know this is kind of confusing. If you still don't understand I can give you more examples! Just let me know what you think is unclear!) TOEFL structure & writing online tutor Brian bcsky54@yahoo.com.tw

Hi Richie: Please just call me Brian.:D Yes! It is always important to keep a sentence concise. We don't want any unneccessary words! In fiction writing, you can always use the adverbs "very, so, too" to describe the adjectives. However, in academic writing or critical writing, I would suggest that you not use them too often because they don't help much. (This is my personal opinion; some people may not agree with me.) I think that these adverbs make sentences too much like dialogues, and thus they can often reduce the sentences' power. (Again, you don't have to agree with me!:) ) Linking verb is a verb! It is not an adjective. It is followed by an adjective! I consider the painting invaluable In this sentence, the word "consider" is a linking verb. and the word "invaluable" is describing the object "the painting". Sorry I forgot to mention that the adjective following the linking verb can also describe the object of a sentence. :tup: TOEFL structure & writing online tutor Brian bcsky54@yahoo.com.tw

Hi: If you give me your e-mail address, I can send you a document with all the TOEFL writing topics (185 topics in total). Please let me know if you need it! TOEFL structure & writing online tutor Brian bcsky54@yahoo.com.tw

First, you need to know the difference between the structure of a question and a noun clause. In English, a sentence must contain at least a subject and a verb, and the subject, in most cases, comes before the verb. Let me give you some examples: I am a boy. The subject "I" comes before the verb "am". I run so fast. The subject "I" comes before the verb "run". He hits the wall. The subject "He" comes before the verb "hits". However, in some cases we need to inverse the subject and the verb, which means that the verb will come before the subject. A "Question" is one of these cases: Is he my teacher? In this question, the verb "Is" comes before the subject "he". Does she go to school? In this case, since the word "go/goes" is a regular verb, we begin the sentence with an auxiliary (also called helping verb), which still comes before the subject "she". (The rule is that in a question, the verb always comes before the subject.) Now let's take a look at the samples you provided here. I don't know what is in the box. Is the clause "what is in the box" a question here? The answer is NO! This is what we called a "noun clause". A noun clause is a dependent clause in a sentence that functions as a noun. In this case, the noun clause "what is in the box" is the object of the verb "know". The word "what" in this sentence is the connector and the subject of the noun clause, and the word "is" is the verb of the noun clause. So do you see? Since this is a noun clause, not a question, the subject "what" comes before the verb "is". Another example: I don't know what the homework is. Is "what the homework is" a question here? The answer is NO!! Again, this is a noun clause that functions as an object of the verb "know". It is not a question! Therefore, we do not inverse the subject and the verb. In this sentence, the word "what" is a connector. "the homework" is the subject of the noun clause and "is" is the verb. Since it is a noun clause and not a question, the subject comes before the verb. Do you get it now? If you have more questions, please let me know! TOEFL structure & writing online tutor Brian bcsky54@yahoo.com.tw

Thank you for your questions! To answer your first question about participle construction, I have to explain why we even bother to reduce the sentence. The whole idea is to make it simple! If a sentence contains too many uneccessary words, it will loose its power. For example, let's look at a sentence like this: As people already know, it is believed that war is very evil. Ok! Now let's think about this sentence. What is this sentence trying to tell us? The answer is this: War is evil. Which sentence is better and more powerful? The answer is the second one. Why? Isn't the first sentence longer? Yes, it is longer, but it does not make it a better sentence. If you look at the first sentence closely, how many unneccessary words does it have? The sentence begin with the expression "As people already know". Now, if everyone already knows, why do we even have to write it out? Therefore, this expression is unneccessary. Do you see my point? Now let's go on. "It is believed that war is very evil." Do we really need the words "it is believed"? No! All we want to express is that war is a bad thing. Can we tell the readers without saying "it is believed"? Absolutely yes! Now what is left is just "War is very evil". Short and powerful! However, what is the difference between "War is evil" and "War is very evil"? Is there a lot of difference? Not really! Does the word "very" always make a sentence stronger? No! Not all the time. In this case, because the adjective "evil" is already a very strong word, we don't need an adverb to make it even stronger. The reason I want to show you this example is to let you know that we always want to reduce the unneccessary words to make a sentence stronger. We want to make our sentences simple, clear, and powerful! Now, let's get back to your question. Even though being a southern state, Maryland remained loyal to the Union during the Civil War. Yes! If we add the word "being" there, the sentence will still be correct. However, does the verb "being" really give us a lot of meaning in this sentence? No! Can we understand the sentence with out this word? Yes! We can, and thus we need to reduce it. I would like to share more about participle contstruction with you. Think about this sentence: Although Tom works hard, he doesn't make a lot of money. In this case, the subject of the adverb clause and the subject of the main clause are the same, so we can reduce one of them. (I know the subject of the main clause here is "he", but since "he" is Tom, the rule applies! It is the same case as what you asked about Maryland and "it".) Although working hard, Tom doesn't make a lot of money. Ok, this is a reduced form of the original sentence. The question is why we don't reduce the word "working" like we reduce the word "being"? Now we have to ask ourselves. Does the word "working" give us meaning? Yes! Can we understand the sentence without it? No! Clearly, we need to keep this word! Richie, having the word "being" in that sentence is just like having the word "working" in this sentence. It is grammatically correct. However, we want to make our sentence simple and powerful. We don't want any unneccessary words. That is why we want to get rid of the word "being" since it doesn't have any important meaning. Very good question!! By the way, linking verb is a verb that followed by an adjective that describe the subject. It is not a combination with a verb and adjective. It is just the verb! The followings are examples of some linking verbs: Is/are/am Ex. I am happy. Look Ex. I look cool Consider Ex. I consider the painting invaluable Do you get it now? Also, the example you include in your question "My face remained happy" is not correct. Yes, the word "remain" is a linking verb that followed by an adjective that describes the subject of the sentence. However, in this case, the word "face" cannot be described by the word "happy." You say "some one is happy" or "someone looks happy",but you cannot say "someone's face is happy". Again, these are great questions. Thank you for asking! If there is still something you don't understand, please let me know! TOEFL structure & writing online tutor Brian bcsky54@yahoo.com.tw

Rating: 4.5 Comments: This essay is very well organized! You have a lot of good ideas and examples that really support your argument. However, there are many little grammatical errors such as word choice, subject-verb agreement, etc. You really need to be aware of those tiny mistakes! Well done! TOEFL structure & writing online tutor Brian bcsky54@yahoo.com.tw

Before answering your question, I would like you to know why the correct answer is C. The reason is that the word "remained" is a linking verb, and therefore it is followed by an adjective that describes the subject. The correct sentence should read Maryland,even though a southern state , remained loyal to the Union during the Civil War. (If you want to know more about linking verb, please let me know!) Now I want to answer your question! To fully understand the structure of this sentence, we need to look at the sentence in its original form. Let's look at the question first: Maryland, even though a southern state, remained loyal to the Union during the Civil War. We can move the phrase "even though a southern state" to the beginning of the sentence, which will then read Even though a southern state, Maryland remained loyal to the Union during the Civil War. Ok, by looking at this sentence, you have to know that the phrase "even though a southern state" is a reduced version of a adverb clause. The original sentence should read Even though Maryland was a southern state, Maryland/it remained loyal to the Union during the Civil War. This is the original sentence!! Now, if you know the rule, you should know that in most cases, when the subject of the adverb clause and the subject of the main clause are the same, you can reduce the subject and the verb in the adverb clause, which is known as a "participle construction". In this case, the subject of both the adverb clause and the main clause are Maryland. Therefore, you can apply this rule. Now let me give you some examples of a "participle construction" in case if you don't know what I am talking about. Ex. Although I am a student, I don't go to school everyday. In this case, the subject of the adverb clause and the subject of the main clause are the same, "I". Thus one of them can be reduced! Ex. Although a student, I don't go to school everyday. The word "I" in the adverb clause can be reduced because it can be understood without it. Since the main clause already tell the readers the subject, we do not need to have it twice. (Note that in this case we also reduce the Be verb "am" in the adverb clause.) After we have done that, we can change the position of the phrase "Although a student", and the sentence will then read Ex. I, although a student, don't go to school everyday. Do you get it now? (I hope you can understand what I'm trying to say. If you have any questions on my response, please let me know!) TOEFL structure & writing online tutor Brian bcsky54@yahoo.com.tw

Rating: 3.0 Comments: The organization of this essay is very good. However, the question is not fully answered in your essay. You have to be very careful with the direction. The direction asks you to "compare and contrast knowledge gained from experience and knowledge gain from books, and then indicate your which one you agree." In your body paragraph, you are supposed to compare the advantage and disadvantage of gaining knowledge from books and from experiences, and after you have done that, in the conclusion, you state your position. In your essay, you tell the reader where you stand on this issue at the beginning. In your body, you talk about the disadvantage of gaining knowledge from book and advantage of gaining knowledge from experiences. You are not really comparing. Therefore, you are not really doing what the direcion tells you to do. However, do not be disappointed. This essay is still not bad. You just did not follow the direction well. I will teach you how to write an essay on this kind of topics in the e-mail which I am going to send you next Sunday. That will be our next lesson. ------------------------------------ TOEFL Structure/Writing Online Tutor Brian bcsky54@yahoo.com.tw

I used to have a website, but it did not have anything to do with TOEFL. Thank you very much. From now on I will try my best to come here as often as I can to help the students here. ------------------------------- TOEFL Structure/Writing Online Tutor Brian bcsky54@yahoo.com.tw

Raiting: 3.5 Comments: The major problem with your essay is that you stray in your conclusion. The questions is "Has this change improved the way people live?", but your concluding sentence is saying "I think with these examples, it is obviously that nowadays food is easier to prepare than in the past, and it will be more and more easy in the future.". Does this really answer the question? If your conclusion did not stray, I would give you at least 4.0. Your essay is well developed, and the ideas are clearly expressed. You use examples to support your arguments, which is very effective. However, there are many gammatical mistakes in your essay. For example "I think with these examples, it is obviously that nowadays food is easier to prepare than in the past, and it will be more and more easy in the future." "it is obviously that nowadays food is easier to prepare than in the past"- This sentence is incorrect because you are comparing food with the past. Food and past cannot be compared since they are not the same thing. Therefore, the correct way to say this is "it is obviously that nowadays food is easier to prepare than it was in the past" "and it will be more and more easy in the future"- esier, not more easy! I can't point out all the mistakes you make in terms of grammar since I only have a little time. Anyway, you did a good job with this essay but try not to stray next time you write. --------------------------------------------------------- TOEFL Structure/Writing Online Tutor Brian bcsky54@yahoo.com.tw

Rating: 4.5~5.0 Comments: You have many good ideas and examples in this essay. However, the format of your essay is a little strange. The first paragraph, the introduction, should not be only one sentence although it contains most of the points you want to make. Rememeber the mail I sent you yesterday about the organization of an essay? Simple sentence is SOMETIMES more powerful. My suggestion is that you break this long sentence into several sentences, at least two. You always want to have a thesis statement in your introduction to tell the reader where you stand on this issue. The thesis statement has to be clear and strong. To write well, you have to connect sentences when necessay and seperate them when they don't need to be connected. For example: It is not neccessary that a pupil's main purpose in getting education is to earn a lot of money as certain reasons mentioned below take infavourable stand. This sentence is too long, which lessen the power of your thesis. You always want to make your thesis statement and topic sentence of a paragraph to stand alone. To improve this paragraph, I would make the following changes to your thesis statement: Making a lot of money is not necessarily the main purpose for students to get educations. This sentence above is a strong thesis statement. It clearly shows the position you stand on this issue. You can add a little more details following this thesis. For example, give brief reasons to indicate why you don't agree with the topic. This will be your first paragraph. To write well, you have to also vary the length of your sentences to make your essay look more interesting. I will send you an email to show you the basic format of an essay this Wednesday, and I will explain more clearly in that email.

Please don't be disappointed. Your essay is very well done. The following are a few examples of "conversational English" in your essay: 1. "a child has lots of time for making friends and playing" "lots of" is a conversational way to express the idea of "many" or "much". However, it is not grammatically correct. In this case, you can either replace "lots of" by "a lot of" or "much". 2."Thirdly, childhood is the best time to learn new things." This sentence is not wrong, but the word "things" at the end of the sentence is a word that you should always avoid using in your writing. The word "thing" is too general and too vague. While writing, you should always use words that are specific and clear in meaning. In this case, the sentence can be rewritten as the following: Thirdly, childhood is the best time to gain knowledge. Futhermore, in terms of parallel strucuture, there is another place where you can improve your essay. The first word of paragraph 2,3,4 are not exactly parallel. You use "secondly" and "thirdly" in the 2nd and 3rd part of your body paragraph. Therefore, you should use "firstly" instead of "first" for the 1st part of your body paragraph. Moreover, since the 4th paragraph is the last part of your body paragraph, you can start it with the word "finally" instead of "thirdly". Anyway, this is a nice essay! Good job! Brian