Nish

Hi nagalakshmi To me this looks like a nice and sweet essay. You seem to have supported both points. But, I feel one more paragraph for supporting each of the points should be included. You would be on a safer side if you would check your spelling mistakes and grammar, too. Some more mature ideas could make your essay look much better. Given below is a nice idea that you could use in your essay. Book Knowlege without direct experience is like a kite with its string snapped. No one knows where it will fall and what damage it will cause to others. Only if knowledge obtained from books is blended with practical and direct experience will it shine forth as true education.

197. The material progress and well-being of one country are necessarily connected to the material progress and well-being of all other countries. “man is a social animal” and every aspect of human life is interlinked with that of fellow human beings. The same can be inferred about a nation. However superior may be a nation in human and natural resources, it has to follow its fellow nations in order to achieve complete material progress and well-being. This globe is geographically so diversified that no place is wholly abundant with all the requisites for its economical growth or daily essentials for its citizens. For example, some Arabian and African countries are rich in oil resources and they depend mainly on oil exports for their revenue. But they have to rely on other countries to sustain themselves with commodities that are unavailable or scarce and are essential day to day life. Thence, exports and imports are the indispensable part of a nation’s economy and without this symbiosis, any nation can not progress growth and prosperity. All the nations on this earth live in an interdependent and a collaborating environment, complementing each other in marching towards development. Any disaster to a country will definitely cause a global turbulence. The September 11 attacks on the US are the obvious exemplifications of this reality. After these brutal and devastating actions of devilry, the economies of all the nations deteriorated to never-before levels. The reason being, many nations depend exclusively on US for their imports and exports , be it software or any other product. All these nations suffered a great loss following these attacks. This proves the point that any nation can not solitary achieve material progress regardless of that of its counterparts. The well-being of the citizens of a nation is as well interlinked with that of its neighboring nations. If the people of a nation are down-trodden and are in desperate need of livelihood, they intrude into places where they hope to find a better shelter. In this process, the immigration rules are violated and both the intruders and the officials of that nation land up in an embarrassing situation. The increasing unemployment rate in the western world can be attributed to some extent to this illicit migration. Thus, if the citizens of a nation are prosperous, their jo spreads to the surrounding nations and if they are in trouble, they will drag their adjacent nations also into trouble. Hence, both the material-progress or well-being of a nation are interlinked with those of all other nations and that is why so many international organizations like UN, WHO, WTO, NATO,SAARC etc. are established. the first two paragraphs are good .But later, I think you have not amply supported your main point. Instead, you have digressed a bit. For, e.g. the immigration idea in the last paragraph is a nice one but there are better examples than this that you can give. I think that unemployment is more an internal problem of a country. You have hastily concluded that the progress of one country can lead to the downfall of a neighbouring country because it creates job opportunities for people in the neighbouring country. This, to me sounds absurd. If a country in itself was capable of providing job opportunities why would the people go to another country. Overall , the essay also needs quite an improvement in grammar and sentence construction. All the best for your exam and do practice or atleast go through all the essays topics. It helps to have some ideas about a topic beforehand. Its better to have ideas in advance rather than think of it on the exam day, itself. :)

hi all gave my TOEFL . got a range of 217-273 guess wat...the ETS has gone laptop. there were laptops ..... it was a bit uneasy to type the essay since i am used to PC typewriter only. also the listening seemed to just skim thru i lost all my marks in the listening section thanks for TM and Tmians . u have been great help. i know a little more concentration in the listening section could have given me a very good score. i got only 24 on the listening section 14- 30 in structure and 28 in the reading comprehension. i hope i fetch a six in the essay. :cool::)

hi all the links given are really useful try them

my comments are in blue 003. "It is more important to allocate money for immediate, existing social problems than to spend it on long-term research that might help future generations." From the time of stone age, when people were living isolated and society is was nothing more than a family. They had their own problems, which arisen the need to think for solution and invention started. This sentence is weird The wheel, the first revolutionary invention of human kind become(became) the symbol of development. Our technological advancement is the result of continuous effort of our forefather, and society will carry it further to give better world to future generation. But can we ignore present pain and drudgery of some strata of society. We are human- being and sensibility is our essence, which differentiate us from other animal of this planet. We get affected by the pain of our neighbor. So should we allocate more money for existing social problem or it should go for long-term research. A predicament! but before taking a clear stand on this topic it should be made clear that social problem may be of urgent priority or may be of low priority. We could not ignore the hunger of our society, neither epidemic in some part of our society. We have no choice but allocate money for these problems. But how can we eradicate these social problems? Is there any immediate solution? A clear no! so how? Today we have vaccination and cure for most of deadly disease. We are making effort to eradicate Polio and Hepatitis and other deadly disease by continuous mass vaccination of children. Some part of the world it is the disease of past but we are still facing it in third world country. We succeeded because we invested our money and time to invent vaccine for these diseases. Today we have enough food to feed our population; it is because we have invested our money to develop improved variety of crop which produce more grain. Today we still have many social problems. Still we have Cancer, AIDS and some more may come in future. Now the cure or relieve from these disease are immediate concern of the society. But unfortunately we have no cure for these diseases. Patients are dying, we can't do nay thing, because we are unable. But we are investing our money and effort to invent some cure of these diseases. Our population is growing; we need more grain in future, so need more investment for developing quality and quantity. In Toto, we can say that present investment is nothing but a foresighted investment to save society from future adversity. Hi vikas, your essay is good but not forceful. After reading your essay, one should be convinced of what stand you have taken . Then, one should also be convinced that your stand, whichever, it is ( ‘for it’ or ‘against it’ or ’neutral’) is supported well . Structure is not correct in many sentences. For preparation w.r.t. essays, there are three important factors. First. try to atleast go through all the topics and collect some points . Second. You should practice some essays by writing in the stipulated time. Enough time should be left for checking the essay atleast once before submitting. Third. Correction of your errors. You should learn from your mistakes and avoid making the same mistakes again.

My comments in blue 007 The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written record. People always needs to archive their work and record their decomentspell check. As technology go further, the recording tools also change and now they are more efficentspell check than before. Today the most effective tool superierspell check than written documents is video camera. The most important feature of the video camerespell check is its ability to record the moment by pictures. Compared to written record which is consists of words, video camera consist of pictures. This feaure of video camera can be more benefical in most situation than written record. For example, video cameras are used as a part of the security system in banks, shopping centers, etc. It is the most effective way to determine the identity of the suspected person. Video cameras are also used effectively in science, some experiments which is are hard to construct in every laboratory can be easily recorded in one laboratory. After recording this experiment by video camera this can be distributed in all schools. Watching this record of video camera, the experiment can be effectively simulated. Video camera has distinct disadvantages. Compared to written record, the records of video cameras isare more sensitive. The media (tape cassette, CD) that the record of video cameras stored can be more sensitive than written record to the outside factors. The important data can be losed(lost) by the influence of any magnetic material. However, written record can be stored in library for century without the bad influence of outside. ??? Also, To record any event by means of video camera is most easy (easier) than writing. To describe every aspect of any event by writing is very hard, Instead of writing long sentences that cause consumption of large numbers of papers, it is enough to push the power on button in a video camera to record this event. When events can be recorded merely by the push of a button , writing long sentences to document an event could be a really tedious job ,in comparison. As a summary, video cameras is most effective and easy way of recording. To summarize, This important features of video camreas make them accurate and convincing record of contemporary life. The essay is poor grammatically and there are lots of spelling mistakes. Your good points will not be understood properly if you do not check and rectify your errors. To get a 5-6 on your essay , you will have to put more efforts.

hi sid, congratulations on your GRE score.the score is decent. Statement of purpose and recommendation letters are also an important part of your application. Application might not be judged just on the basis of the GRE score. i think retaking the test should be considered after ample preparation only. meanwhile you could apply with these scores:)and try all the best

hi neha123. here are my views on your topic. hope it helps. 057]The depth of knowledge to be gained from books is much richer and broader than what can be learned from direct experience." Knowledge can be gained through various means, the most important being reading the books. Experinced is also one of the important factor to gained the indepth knowledge. There has been always a controversy between the two about which one gives richer and broader view of knowledge. I personaly feel that this two are interrelated, in the sense one follows the other. Knowledge gained through reading the books is of no use unless and untill we implement it in our practical life. Implementing the knowledge is nothing but the experince gained through it. Books are the vast storage of knowledge. Numerous books are available on varied subject. One can gain indepth knowledge by reading varied books on that topic. This will give the (an individual) individual broader and richer view on that topic. However, untill and unless he implement his knowledge in his practical life, the knowledge gained will be of no use. For instance, the Lawer has to read varied books during their professional life. He needs to know the broader and perspective view of each and every law he studies. But his knowledge will be of no use untill he implement it. It is through experince that he will come to know where to apply the particular law or any penal code. So his knowledge about law will follow the use of it in practical life. There are certain other example to support this point. An engineering student will use his knowledge gained through reading the books on engineering subject in an industry. Doctors, scientist, bureacrats, etc all needs to first go through books on their choosen subject and later on the knowledge gained through this will help them to implement it in day to day life. you can point out that there are internships for doctors after completing their degrees and project works and assignments for engineers in addition to normal book study However, there are certain things which can be gained through years of experince. But in the long the term that may not be that much helpful. For instance, take the case of share broker who has a little knowledge about the stock exchange terms. However, his vast experince in the long term help him to cope up with all the ups and down in the share market. But his experince will be of a little help if he does not know some of the crucial terms and will put him in jeopardy. Such crucial terms can be gained through reading the books only and not through experinced. this is a very good example In sum, it is the experinced gained after reading the books that gives indepth knowledge of certain thing. Knowledge through books and experinced after that are process which follows one after another. Indepth knowledge about certain thing can be obtained after implementing your knowledge gained through reading books. your response is very good . and you have nicely supported your stance. You should check for spelling mistakes . Education is when you read the fine print. Experience is what you get if you don't-- Pete Seeger

hi sow1225 . my comments on your essay. The depth of knowledge to be gained from books is much richer and broader than what can be learned from direct experience." Experience gained in every possible way is crucial and very beneficial for an individual. Whether the knowledge gained from books is richer or the direct experience weighs more depends on the information learnt (‘gained’ could be a better word here)and the usage of that information. Both are equally important, as any source of information would go a long way in an individual’s life. There should be a balance between the experience gained by the book knowledge and the direct experience that is obtained by real life events. If there is no balance between them, the other one would go in vain. The chief reason to support my view my is, knowledge gained from books may not be helpful as it would mask an individual from getting exposed to the real life experiences, which is very much needed in regular life. For instance, Let us consider people who are Doctors. Once they attain their dreams and become popular as successful doctors, they go through many journals everyday to update themselves with the new advancements. It will notonly helps them grow as doctors, but also would be beneficial to help patients more, with the new knowledge gained. But being doctors they may be poor in financial matters. They may not know how to invest in stocks to proliferate their assets. Because they have no direct experience with outside events, they need extra information or assistance about such details. the point you have made here is good but irrelevant. You are talking about people who are good in one profession being not so good in another. I don’t understand how this fits here w.r.t the issue topic Another reason that can be cited is, knowledge from books might be very insightful, but for daily life an individual needs better and positive experience with outside world. For example, a person with PhD degree may remain without any social life. Such people may hesitate to meet and mingle with the outsiders, as they closed themselves from outside world to achieve their dreams, which is again drawback in one’s life as he may remain as loner. Therefore, experiences from real life are equally important. here again you have talked about people with a Ph.D. degree not having a social life. Is the issue about all this? What do you say? Yet some might argue that, people with out knowledge from book may not be able to survive in the outside world. It is partially true that people may not recognize that they are worth of valuable education and knowledge. For example, a security guard who works at a community college may be very good at math. But, he may not recognize his talent unless someone recognizes it by accident. He may have very good experience from outside world but his talents would be more sharpened could be used for better living, if knowledge from book is added to it. Another example that supports the fact that experience may go in vain without knowledge is, there are so many poor and neglected people in the society who are deprived of proper education. If sufficient book knowledge is provided to them, their talents and experiences they gained may go waste without recognition. In sum I concur to that point, both the knowledge gained from the book and the direct experience in real life equally important in an individual’s life. Each has its own importance in its way. Therefore, there should be balance between both for an enriched and better life in the society. your approach to the topic is confused. You haven’t taken a firm stance. Also it seems that you have misunderstood the topic. I think that you need more examples that show how, both, book knowledge and practical/direct experience, can be used together to do wonders i.e. if you support both , book knowledge and practical /direct experience.

hi shilpa, my comments on ur essay "Many problems of modern society cannot be solved by laws and the legal system because moral behavior cannot be legislated." Society has tried to solve problems and maintain order, since primordial times using laws. Every tribe or community had laws which required strict adherence. Nevertheless, history offers plethora for evidence to suggest that problems which stem from fundamental nature of man, cannot be solved with legal system. wonderful introductory paragraph During the middle ages many attempts were made to solve the problems like adultery, etc. using legislation in attempt to maintain the cohesion of the families. These laws which dictate on the moral behavior have always been circumvented and never been really effective as laws cannot really control man's personal thoughts and actions. The failure of Prohibition: enforcement of legislation against alcohol consumption, is another example where legal system where is not able to enforce morality. Most of the modern day problems arise from dissolution of families- because of high rate of divorces, teenage pregnancies, drug use, etc. Legal system cannot enforce laws which can prevent breaking up of the families as that would be coercion, making people remain in unhappy marriages. Psychologists claim that children from broken homes are usually scathed by the experience and are more likely to drop out of school and get themselves into trouble with the law. Another major problem of today is teenage pregnancy. Children who are too young to take care of themselves end up becoming responsible for someone else. This results in students dropping out of school to take care of their kids. Lack of education makes them eligible only for minimum wage jobs. These mothers are not equipped or matured enough to bring up their children in the right way. Students can be made aware of merits of abstinence but this is something that cannot be imposed by the law. Promiscuous life style also results in spread of AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases. Decadence of the modern society is not something that can be solved by legal system but by introspective look into these problems and change in the outlook of the society . In conclusion, modern day problems cannot be solved with legislations as morality cannot be enforced. Society should try to solve these problems through education and by increasing the awareness of these problems. you essay is wonderful with lovely examples. is lucid too. i like the essay very much. you have developed the essay in a very clear manner. tThe word power is good, too. Only thing , I feel , that can be done to improve is to add one more example. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The world is round , so the place that might seem the end might be the point of beginnning.

235 my comments on your argument analysis are in red. The following appeared as a letter to the editor of a local Solano newspaper. "The Solano school district should do away with its music education programs. After all, music programs are not especially popular in our schools: only 20 percent of our high school students participated in music programs last year. Furthermore, very few of the Solano district's college-bound students are interested in majoring in music at the university level. Also, when the school district of our neighboring town of Rutherford eliminated its music programs two years ago, the overall grade point average in the high school increased by 10 percent the next year. Surely the money spent on Solano music programs could be better used to improve the quality of traditional academic courses." ****************************************************** The following argument states about the ineffectiveness of the music programmes in the solano's schools.But when it comes to producing evidence the author has provided a? very stingy inferences which defeats its own purpose. First of all the argument mentions an illogical connection citing a relation between the percentage of high school student participation to the popularity of music.Here the author failed to state an appropriate relation between the participants and the popularity of music.There remains certain factors which the u missed something! has not cited,like the number of students participated.Whether this number is greater than the preveous spell check year participation or not.It also can happen that last year the number of high school students participated may be the highest number in comparison to preveous years.In addition to this this it could also happen that present year the nuber spelling error again may increase.Again the author has only indicated about the high school students.Further there can be students of other classes, whose number in music participation may even be greater than that of high school students. Secondly the the argument shows that very few college -bound students are interested in majoring music in university level.First of all , it has not been stated consider revising sentence the number of students interested for music in university level.Then ,it may happen that majority of students majored music in college may also have majored music in university.But the author has failed to provide any evidence regarding this fact.Similarly, no statistics have been provided for comparison of students majoring music in university with that of universities of other districts.If, the authos has been able to enlight this point ,then his statement on this argument would have been verified. Thirdly, the author has mentioned ,how the elimination of music programe from a school of neighbouring town raised the average score of that school.But , the argument has not provided any such more reversion (it should be "more such") evidences.Because increase of grade in one school or region cannot attributed to every other schools.Further ,there has been no mention of the number of students.It may possible that that the nuber of students with lower grades may have been transferred.Agian ,it has not consider revising sentence stated the current report of the schhol.Further, the report only stated about the high school.It may become possible that inspite of elimination of music the primary school children may have performed less to the solano school. Finally the author says that the traditional course will improve by spending the money which spent on music .But , the flaw hereis that the author has not given any that that a substansial amount of money is spent on music .It may also possible that very few students might be interested in taking the traditonal courses. So, to conclude the argument as it stands is a weak and based on false reasonings.To,prove the argument the author needs further evidences ,which can only bolster his position. This is a very good attempt . You have criticized the argument very well and attacked the weak links in the argument. But as in case of your issues, you make lot of spelling mistakes and mistakes with respect to tenses and grammar . Also , you have missed some words in between sentences . It appears that your ideas may be clear in your mind . After you write/type it out, you should try reading it to yourself. And then you might find that you have not conveyed whatever you wanted to, properly. So , in all, it is a very nice critique but still has lot of scope for improvement to get a 5 – 6.

hi chinochinu my comments on your essay. The true value of a civilization is reflected in its artistic creations rather than in its scientific accomplishments. The following (following?) issue tells about the fact that civilization is reflected in its art rather than its scientific aaccomplishments.Although the issue states the fact,still there are certain limtatons which needs to be analyzed.I disagree with the following point and want to convince that it is the sciencetific acomplishments rather the artistic creations has made the civilization to reflect.This i am explaining below with appropriate examples. The stance is clear in the opening paragraph . but still sentence construction needs to be worked on. The word civilization refers to the people of a society.The true social state ,it's condition and development represent the true civilization of a society, a town , country or even of the world.If in a society or in a town advancement is made in every field like education, culture, tradition, architecture then that town is said to be a truely (truly) civilized town.Further this civilization can be mostly being affected by the scientific values more than its artistic values. sentence construction has gone haywire at many places including the above sentence First of all i want to give an example of historical civilization.In indian history there was a great civilation being constructed arround several hundred years ago.That civilization which is most common among indian and its history is the civilization of Mahenjodar and Harrappa civilization.These two are the places which have showed their adeptness through their family tradition, life style, planning of their buidings,awareness about natural parks etc.These are the conditions which reveals the reality of civilization which was apprently present in any of civilizations in the country during that time and reflects mainly the art quality of that period and that is nothing but, the begining of the scientific accomplishment. In comensurate with the change of time civilizations also being changed.For example let's take the example of same indian civiliztion.The family traditions, culture , values of life although remains in the same form still there has been some modificatins are been made and these modifications can only be attributed to the most precious science.For example the transportation system of india.It is now totally reverted compared to the condition during even 50 years back , complete time ,energy has been saved and prosperity is gained .Before independance during 19th century there was hardly any four wheelers.At that time people were going from place to place by either bullock carts, cycles or even horses.So, this change is made possible by the advent of science in our life and this became responsible for completely changing the life style of the peple.Unless this type of scientific accomplishment we the indians might have been in the old civilization. Secondly i want to give an example of the dwelling of people.That is now people are staying in the same houses taht is among four walls and below the roof.But these houses are completely different from those mud and stone antiquated houses.Here no one can deny the fact that the art of constructing the houses, buidings have remained same, but the method for construction has been totally changed.Now , people are suffering from the population problem and proportionately the land problem.Finally science have evolved with a new solution of sky scrappers.This has solved a many of boding problem.Hence can't we reward the science for this type of renovation. hence finally i can conclude the topic by saying that art cannot flourish in a place where scientic valuses are absent .Art has its own position in the society or even in country's civilization ,but the true qualities of civilization can only be sprouted by the intervention of science only. ==================================================== There are lot of spelling mistakes. The essay uses very ordinary grammar and sentence construction. Good vocabulary has been used. The points that are put forward are good. If the same points are portrayed in a more lucid manner the essay can be more effective.

My comments on your essay. 005 A nation should require all its students to study the same national curriculum until they enter college rather than allow schools in different parts of the nation to determine which academic courses to offer. Study curriculum in all the countries are made keeping the most vital thing in mind:to make future generation a competent bunch of intellectuals in their own field ,who would lead the society to achieve higher goals .But goals-achieving specific studies should begin only after the college ,was not a clear thing to organizers who put forward this suggestion.At the same time will it actually improve the benefits students gain when compared to the present is dubious,let's see how. This paragraph includes some irrelevant points like “studies that are goal-specific, should begin only after college life “ . The topic is an issue about accepting a common national curriculum throughout or not. I would not say that your point is out of the scope , but it could be used later on to develop the topic rather than putting it in the first paragraph. =================================================== Different parts of nation might be not only geographically different but can also be in historically,financially ,ethnically , politically and other ways varied. As a result of which brains of the denizens there to develop in different ways and lead them to deem different things imp in their life.That could have been the reason that different parts of a nation were given the autonomy to chose the curriculum as per their wish.The curriculum would keep in mind the need and priorities of the inhabitants there and would help them hone their skills in best possible way in that direction and help them achieve there zeniths in life. This focus might be absent in a nationaly unified study curriculum .The generalization of such unified study of curriculum might not benefit any part of the nation in particular. This paragraph has some really good points . But there are spelling mistakes and the paragraph is not that good , structurally. =================================================== The other important point which a unified curriculum might lack is ability to identify the inherent aptitude of the mass of a particular area and exploit it to optimize benefits from it.A particular region might have most inborn good in art or good in logistics,depending on the type of population inhabites there.So studies purely oriented as per the needs of that groups future aspiration might be more useful to them.It would be nugatory to teach a student history if he maintains no interest in it and wishes to do something more logical.If given proper guidance and practice to such youngsters in their aspired directions,long before college studies start , a nation would be able to extract maximum from its gifted potential. Let's take the time of college.Why is it the defining moment when the curriculums should separate?By the time a student reaches college he has not been specifically attending to the knowledge of one field.In which he supposedly wants to contribute.It turns out to be wasting out student lifes major percentage just in rote study and making his brain a pot-pourri of knowledge in which he maintain eventually no interest.Was that the objective of teaching, to forcefully thrust all in your brain ,even when you never wished to till college came to your rescue. But at the same time when we think of the nation as an entity and wish that all its citizens be aware of the national activities and history in general to understand the whole political ,financial ,historical scenario n broader perspective,certainly a national curriculum is what any one would look forward to.It helps local talent to not restrict themselves to provincial enhancements but very efficiently aids the conflux of knowledge between different parts of the nation. If a person maintains his interest in only one field of study as taught in his province's restricted curriculum he might not develop a vision to see things in broader outlook.A philistine with parochial outlook in his field of study would certainly face a lot of unprecedented problems and might not know how to fight or overcome them to ultimately emerge victorious in his field.He might have the talent but his study curriculum failed him. Knowledge of arts science and commerce together on a broader perspective can only make a pedantic person more pragmatic to fight and win real problems.Any curriculum which aims at such a goal should be given preference.Be it national or provincial. ===================================================== Well , you have presented some very good points in your essay. But your stance is not clear. And I think that in your effort to present both the sides of the issue , the impact of the essay is lost. Finally you have suggested a curriculum that aims at a goal of making a person pragmatic to fight and win real problems. But should this curriculum be common in the entire nation or should it be left to the individual and local places and regions to decide ? This question is still left debatable . According to you which one of these should be followed , finally? =====================================================

CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR WONDEFUL GRE SCORE. MAY YOUR TRIBE INCREASE.

What I think about your essay. In most societies, competition generally has more of a negative than a positive effect." ------------------------------ Competition has become integral part of the society. It has both positive and negative effects. However, the effects created by the competition in a society have many advantages, by which the society can be benefited greatly. This is a good opening paragraph. your stance is clear. ====================================================== Many people believe that, having competition in the society helps them better. People may limit themselves in their perspectives about an issue. But, competition reveals different sides of the issue, which might help them, gain better information. For instance, international world conferences are conducted for all the doctors because, they get to exchange knowledge they gained over the years, also learn in great amounts from such conferences. Even though, there is lot of competition among those doctors, there are more benefits out of such meetings than having a negative effect. This paragraph has a good example . ====================================================== Another reason that can be cited is, some people believe strongly that they can perform efficiently, only if there is heavy competition. For example, students do group or combine studies before their exams. It not only helps them look at the points, they might tend to overlook, but also helps them to motivate because of the competition. Additionally, they may not perform well, if they attempt to do the same alone. Therefore, there are more positive effects by having competition in the society. This example is also good ====================================================== Others might cite that, competition can easily create many negative effects in the society. For example, when there is competition, students develop inferiority complex about their abilities, and feel that they are not capable enough for anything. It is likely that such complexes are developed in a student if there is constant bad comparison about their abilities with other students, which weakens their critical thinking. Such examples are very less these days because of changes that happen in student’s curriculum. These days everyone is good at something or other. There is no way, that students can be compared with the current education systems. Besides, teachers and parents are trying their best to encourage students in everyway possible and help them improve by creating healthy and positive competition. Either this paragraph doesn't do much to support you stance or you have not succeeded in proving your point ===================================================== In sum, I concur to the point that, competition does have effects on the society. It has many advantages than having disadvantages. It not only helps the individual to motivate but also, tries to give a different side of the perspective. Hence, competition has become a necessity for a society, which can help to develop the society into a successful and productive one. Your conclusion is good but very similar to the introductory paragraph ===================================================== Your essay is good with two strong examples. 1-2 more strong examples will make your essay even better. NISH