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Thread: Grade my SAT essay(s) please?

  1. #1
    Trying to make mom and pop proud
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    Red face Grade my SAT essay(s) please?

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    Only real comments and a grade out of 6 please.
    Suggestions on how to improve are always welcome.

    1. Should people take more responsibility for solving problems that affect their communities or the nation in general?

    The prosperity of a nation not only depends on the collective efforts of cities and communities living together but also on that of the dwellers of those municipalities. Hence, a nation’s people cannot always depend on their government to take care of each community; on the contrary, it is the peoples’ responsibility to maintain their community’s advancement.

    Sometimes when people depend too much on their government, it leads to dire consequences. In 1789, France was on the verge of a revolution because the government in Paris was too harsh on the citizens. Hunger, disease, and death had become norms of the community. Therefore, the people attacked the Bastille, and decided to take the matter into their own hands. As a result, Napolean became emperor of France and grabbed the reins of the country’s status because the people wanted him to. In the following years France reached the apex of its territorial conquests and secured a very powerful status in Europe.

    In History, economic depressions show the government’s inability to help the community until the people resort to making an effort as well. A significant example is the American Great Depression of 1929: although Hoover introduced many of his programs to help the deteriorating state of American life, it was not until the people started making an effort also that the Great Depression ended.

    A nation is defined by the standard of life of its people. Thus, if the people work together to improve their lives, they will be improving the status of their communities, and consequently, their nation.


    2. Is it more important to do work that one finds fulfilling or work that pays well?

    When one ascends into the stage of adulthood and starts looking for a job, many decisions need to be made that can shape one’s entire life. Whether one wants to be famous, rich, or successful depends on each individual but at the end of the day the greatest goal one can hope to reach is happiness. Therefore, it is integral to choose a profession that produces satisfaction for oneself.

    People who choose to pursue their own personal interests in their field tend to do better than others. For instance, during the Enlightenment, Isaac Newton alongwith other scientists were working on the secret of gravity. However, Newton was only doing this out of his personal curiosity while his contemporaries were researching openly. Their goal was to be famous while Newton’s was to quell his conscience. Ultimately, Newton succeeded in unveiling the notion of gravity and later decided to publish his writings for fame as well. Although Newton became famous for his findings, he was only able to reach this status because he started with a personal motivation.

    Similarly, when Copernicus also chased after his own interests and came up with the Heliocentric Theory he chose not to have his theory published until after his death. This is probably because he knew that people would not accept his theory, but this shows that he had achieved his personal satisfaction by pursuing his own goal.

    Getting a job is only one of the many stages of life and it passes as well. Therefore, one must keep his whole life in perspective and choose to do something that can guarantee a peace of mind for him.


    Thanks for reading!

  2. #2
    Trying to make mom and pop proud
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    1) yes, they should since everyone can contribute--i was thinkng we should take more responsibility for the homeless. I always see them around. And everyone just walks by. I asked someone once and they said they don't know what to do with them.

    2) yes, of course.

    first p is really good. If you like your work you will do it much better.

    also they will stick with it longer if they like it

    in the intro part just define fullfillment? Job sat, being good at your job etc.

    If your good at your job stuff happens? You like it better and you do it better so in the end you will make alot more money--

    thats my approach to any question with a vague word--define it
    Last edited by danny411; 11-28-2008 at 08:07 AM.

  3. #3
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    I will give you a 4.5 out of 6

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