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Thread: Please grade my essay

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    Trying to make mom and pop proud
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    Please grade my essay

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    Assignment: Is growth necessary to a happy and productive life?

    You will never stop growing throughout your life. Whether it is necessary or not, you can’t stop it. We learn new things every day without ever being aware of it, until we look back one day and see how much we’ve grown. From childhood to old age, the happiness of our lives depends upon the struggles we have had and how we dealt with them. People grow by themselves, but so do entire societies, and for them the importance of growth is magnified greatly. Although it can’t be good for everyone at the same time, growth is absolutely necessary for a happy and productive life, because the quality of life can only be enjoyed after a long struggle.

    What is a happy and productive life? I believe a person’s life can be judged by the experiences they have had, what they learned from them, how they dealt with them, and how all those experiences led them to where he or she is today. The meaning of life is more than simple survival, having enough food, drink, and somewhere to sleep. As humans, we have the ability to do more than that, to better ourselves through learning. Learning doesn’t even have to be academic; we always grow after a defining experience. The more you have learned, the better your life will be. For example, my grandmother has experienced many things, and gone from being a poor child in rural China, to traveling to Russia, to having children that grew up to be successful in America, and retiring to a peaceful apartment in Beijing. And yet, she continues to learn things, like English, so she can communicate with me. If she had everything given to her, and didn’t have to work hard or learn anything to do the things she has, then I wouldn’t be able to say that she had truly accomplished anything.

    Of course, what is applied to one person can’t be applied to vast populations. The growth of a country can benefit some and devastate others. The United States has grown industrially very quickly, which led to advanced technology that has benefited medicine, entertainment and other industries. However, this growth actually decreased the quality of life for some people, primarily the factory workers at the end of the 19th century, who were paid poorly and forced to live in dirty tenements, hardly able to provide for their families. Without this growth, their lives, and ours, might have been better. We might have remained an agricultural nation, with a clean environment, and minds untouched by television. However, if we didn’t advance technologically, other countries would have done so anyway, and would have taken advantage of us. While it is difficult, growth is necessary.

    For us, growth can be defined as learning new things from experiences, and a happy and productive life results from the gains we have made from the things we learned, such as a change in personality, or a goal finally reached. Maybe life would be easier if we only wanted food, drink, and shelter, but it would certainly not be more productive. Even though growth of large populations can hurt some people, it is inevitable. Maybe once we grow some more, we will find a way to improve without hurting anyone.

    Thank you

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    Ankylosaurus Forum Admin Erin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by xcforever View Post
    Assignment: Is growth necessary to a happy and productive life?

    You will never stop growing throughout your life. Whether it is necessary or not, you can't stop it. We learn new things every day without ever being aware of it, until we look back one day and see how much we've grown. From childhood to old age, the happiness of our lives depends upon the struggles we have had and how we dealt with them. People grow by themselves, but so do entire societies, and for them the importance of growth is magnified greatly. Although it can't be good for everyone at the same time, growth is absolutely necessary for a happy and productive life, because the quality of life can only be enjoyed after a long struggle.

    What is a happy and productive life? I believe a person's life can be judged by the experiences they have had, what they learned from them, how they dealt with them, and how all those experiences led them to where he or she is today. The meaning of life is more than simple survival, having enough food, drink, and somewhere to sleep. As humans, we have the ability to do more than that, to better ourselves through learning. Learning doesn’t even have to be academic; we always grow after a defining experience. The more you have learned, the better your life will be. For example, my grandmother has experienced many things, and gone from being a poor child in rural China, to traveling to Russia, to having children that grew up to be successful in America, and retiring to a peaceful apartment in Beijing. And yet, she continues to learn things, like English, so she can communicate with me. If she had everything given to her, and didn’t have to work hard or learn anything to do the things she has, then I wouldn’t be able to say that she had truly accomplished anything.

    Of course, what is applied to one person can't be applied to vast populations. The growth of a country can benefit some and devastate others. The United States has grown industrially very quickly, which led to advanced technology that has benefited medicine, entertainment and other industries. However, this growth actually decreased the quality of life for some people, primarily the factory workers at the end of the 19th century, who were paid poorly and forced to live in dirty tenements, hardly able to provide for their families. Without this growth, their lives, and ours, might have been better. We might have remained an agricultural nation, with a clean environment, and minds untouched by television. However, if we didn’t advance technologically, other countries would have done so anyway, and would have taken advantage of us. While it is difficult, growth is necessary.

    For us, growth can be defined as learning new things from experiences, and a happy and productive life results from the gains we have made from the things we learned, such as a change in personality, or a goal finally reached. Maybe life would be easier if we only wanted food, drink, and shelter, but it would certainly not be more productive. Even though growth of large populations can hurt some people, it is inevitable. Maybe once we grow some more, we will find a way to improve without hurting anyone.
    This is a really nice essay. I like your ideas. It looks like a pretty solid 5 (out of 6) essay.

    I see that you're new here on our forums; I'd be happy to give you feedback if I knew you'd be around to read it and would benefit from it. A lot of people post essays on the forums, but it's sometimes hard to know whether they're 'real' people with real questions.

    And if you have specific questions, please let me know.
    ☼ Waiting for Godot

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    Trying to make mom and pop proud
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    Thank you

    Actually, I was wondering what I should do to prepare for the essay, besides just writing skills. Like should I read more current events so I have more specific examples for the essay? And what should I do to get a 6? I'm taking the SAT this month

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    Quote Originally Posted by xcforever View Post
    Thank you

    Actually, I was wondering what I should do to prepare for the essay, besides just writing skills. Like should I read more current events so I have more specific examples for the essay? And what should I do to get a 6? I'm taking the SAT this month
    The most important thing for most people is to practice writing the essay within the 25-minute time limit. It would be good to be familiar with a few examples that you might be able to conform to the SAT essay prompt.

    To raise your score (and to ensure a 5 out of 6 or 10 out of 12), you would need to develop your ideas more and treat the subjects in a bit more depths. These things are best (in my opinion, anyway) taught by example, so be sure to have a look at some 6/6 essays, which you can find in the Official SAT Study Guide.
    ☼ Waiting for Godot

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    Trying to make mom and pop proud YuliyaB's Avatar
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    I liked your essay, though to get a 6-score result you'd better have 3 evidences. so I give you 5 out of 6

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    Thank you

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    Quote Originally Posted by YuliyaB View Post
    I liked your essay, though to get a 6-score result you'd better have 3 evidences. so I give you 5 out of 6
    It's great to use three well-developed examples, but it's not necessary. Many people I work with write four paragraphs with two examples (one for each body paragraph). Some of these people have scored 12/12 on the official SAT test.
    Last edited by Erin; 03-10-2009 at 06:15 PM. Reason: Clarification.
    ☼ Waiting for Godot

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    Trying to make mom and pop proud YuliyaB's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Erin View Post
    It's great to use three well-developed examples, but it's not necessary. Many people I work with write four paragraphs with one example each. Some of these people have scored 12/12 on the official SAT test.
    So what will you advise with the evidences? I've really tangled with them - don't know what and how much to write

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    Quote Originally Posted by YuliyaB View Post
    So what will you advise with the evidences? I've really tangled with them - don't know what and how much to write
    Honestly, I think it depends a lot on what you feel comfortable with. I think a personal example and a literary example could work really well. Try to avoid repeating the types of examples, e.g., try not to use two personal examples or two literary examples.

    Remember, though, that in most cases, it's better to write two somewhat overlapping paragraphs than one unique paragraph. In other words, if you're taking your test, and you can think only of another literary example (and you can't come up with a personal example, then you should just go ahead and write the second, somewhat repetitive, literary example.

    Your writing shows a lot of potential, and it looks like you're in pretty good shape, so try not to worry so much.
    ☼ Waiting for Godot

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