Sponsored Ad:
Results 1 to 6 of 6

Thread: Essay grade?

  1. #1
    Trying to make mom and pop proud
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    22
    Rep Power
    9


    Good post? Yes | No

    Essay grade?

    Sponsored Ad:
    can you check please?
    Topic: Do you agree or disagree that "some people buy product not because they want, but because other people use it"?

    Everyday we buy products to satisfy our needs – food, clothing, fuel and etc. But it is not secret that there are some goods we buy just because of luxury. We buy expensive cars, houses, mobile phones, computers – just for the reason that other people buy these things. It’s natural, since everyone tends to live in rich houses, drive expensive cars – all in all, live affluently. To illustrate, I’ll give examples and reasons and hence support my agreement with the topic.
    To begin with, every human being has a tendency to buy expensive things. Obviously, it is the rule of the nature that a man does not want to live worse than other people. So, the fact that some people buy the products just because others do this must not surprise us at all.
    To demonstrate the fact given above, let’s take a look at big companies. For example, BMW and Mercedes Benz. We all know that they are competitors and each of them tries to make better cars in order to conquer the trade market. For instance, if one of them invents something new, another one will either use this invention or make something better.
    Similarly, this nature rule is apparent in the people of all ages – from a child to an elder man. As well as the leading corporations, children tend to have better things. Today, every child wants to have at least a mobile phone – not to mention a laptop. And they ask and even make their parents to buy these gadgets, and parents do buy – just because the others do this.
    To sum up, I totally agree that some people, or even every human being, buys product just because others do it. And my reason and examples support my point of view.

  2. #2
    Trying to make mom and pop proud
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    22
    Rep Power
    9


    Good post? Yes | No
    anyone?

  3. #3
    Trying to make mom and pop proud
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    16
    Rep Power
    9


    Good post? Yes | No
    Quote Originally Posted by elmarcom View Post
    can you check please?
    Topic: Do you agree or disagree that "some people buy product not because they want, but because other people use it"?

    Everyday we buy products to satisfy our needs – food, clothing, fuel and etc. But (use "however" instead of but; never begin a sentence with "but" )it is not secret that there are some goods we buy just because of luxury. We buy expensive cars, houses, mobile phones, computers – just for the reason that other people buy these things too. It is natural, since everyone tends to live in rich houses, drive expensive cars – all in all, live affluently (sentence seems vague..not everyone lives a luxurious life). To illustrate, I’ll give examples and reasons and hence support my agreement with the topic.
    To begin with, every human being has a tendency to buy expensive things. Obviously, it is the rule of the nature that a man does not want to live worse than other people. So, the fact that some people buy the products just because others do this must not surprise us at all(again a vague sentence).
    To demonstrate the fact given above, let’s take a look at big companies. For example, BMW and Mercedes Benz. We all know that they are competitors and each of them tries to make better cars in order to conquer the trade market. For instance, if one of them invents something new, another one will either use this invention or make something better.
    Similarly, this nature rule is apparent in the people of all ages – from a child to an elder man(??). As well as the leading corporations, children tend to have better things(??). Today, every child wants to have at least a mobile phone – not to mention a laptop. And they ask and even make their parents to buy these gadgets, and parents do buy – just because the others do this.
    To sum up, I totally agree that some people, or even every human being, buys product just because others do it. And my reason and examples support my point of view.
    Sorry for being harsh but it seems to be a sort of vaguely written essay..the examples are fine but the essay requires some tuning..


  4. #4
    Trying to make mom and pop proud
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    22
    Rep Power
    9


    Good post? Yes | No
    It's ok. But explain your answer please, I do not understand :/

  5. #5
    Trying to make mom and pop proud
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    22
    Rep Power
    9


    Good post? Yes | No
    You mean the sentences are not clear enough:?

  6. #6
    Trying to make mom and pop proud
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Posts
    16
    Rep Power
    9


    Good post? Yes | No
    Yes, I think the sentences are not clear. There are several vague sentences (like those I highlighted above). The thought process is right but the sentences seem to have grammar errors. In between you speak of a comparison between BMW and Mercedes..that seems out of context. Instead, you could mention them as luxury cars and how people want to own them just because their peers own the same.
    Also, you can state examples of smartphones being a craze or how kids demand for expensive phones and playstations etc. just because their friends have them.

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 4
    Last Post: 03-01-2011, 04:09 PM
  2. Replies: 3
    Last Post: 06-27-2010, 05:06 PM
  3. please grade my essay!
    By tulaja in forum TWE
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 10-23-2007, 02:35 PM
  4. Please grade my first essay!
    By charan in forum GMAT AWA: Analysis of an Issue
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 07-04-2006, 02:26 PM
  5. GRADE MY ESSAY please.. same essay written differently
    By senthamarais in forum GMAT AWA: Analysis of an Issue
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 12-26-2004, 10:46 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •