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Writing practice - rate and advice


Ana Sousa
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Hey guys!

Today I've started practicing my writing for the toefl exam. I would like you to correct and rate my essay. Also, I would really appreciatte if you could give me some advices.

 

 

My Essay (it's from a integrated question)

The reading and the lecture talk about the decrease of sea otters in the Alaskan coast.The author of the passage believes that this problem is most likely happening because of water polluiton. However, the lecturer contradicts the theory claimed by the passage saying that predation is the only plausible reason for this to happen.

First, the passage mentions that the rise level of pollution sources as oil rigs and other high level of chemicals are affecting the otters immune system, who are becoming weaker by the day. This point is challenged by the speaker who points out the lack of dead sea otters bodies by the coast, which confirms that these animals are being eaten by predators.

Secondly, the author states that not only otters, but a large number of other sea mammals are being affected by water pollution. The passage declines the idea that orcas can cause the same effect by stating that these animals usually search for bigger species to eat. The lecture rebuts this argument by suggesting that orcas options of food decreased once whales started being hunted by humans. Therefore, orcas are huntting other small animals which causes sea otters to become one of their menu options.

Finally, the passage mentions that water pollution also explains the unstable pattern of otter decline in the area. The author notes that this can be caused by ocean currents. But, once again, the speaker disagrees with the passage idea stating that all of this has to do with acessibility. The lecture puts forth that some regions are more dificult to access, as for exemple, shallow rocky locations, which makes harder for orcas to pass through and consequently wil be easier to find a considerable number of otters there.

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