The best ideas arise from a passionate interest in commonplace things.

[Naveen Mishra]

Passion has driven ordinary people to achieve extra-ordinary things. It is often the common things which are ubiquitous which when picked up by passionate people, they go out of their way to produces something entirely different and unique. All the great inventions were fueled by passionate hard workers, who thought things in a way that have never been thought before. Such people perform simple things in an artistic way to bring marvelous things of art, literature, start-ups and many more.

 

All the great artists of the world like Picasso, Da Vinci derived their inspiration from common things. It was their sheer compassion which turned ordinary thoughts in to wonders. Story of 'The Last Supper' was widely known across Christian community, but it was passion of arts that propelled this common story to be painted in a way which stood away from rest. Poets like Ravindra Nath Tagore, who won noble laureate in literature, derived his ideas and inspiration from very common and simplistic things.

 

In the contemporary world, with advent of new start-up culture, entrepreneurs are picking up common ideas to build a corporate empire and create a new lifestyle. Mark Zuckerberg started Facebook to connect to his peers over internet, it was a very basic idea and it arose from his campus to satisfy the needs of people to stay connected with other. Currently there are billions of users connected across globe. Founder of famous chain outlet KFC was a complete failure, he had failed several companies and posts. This guy was always passionate about chicken, he knew recipe to make delicious chicken, At the age more than 70, he started his outlet to sell chicken; currently, there are around thousands such outlets all over country.

 

On the other hand, scientific breakthroughs in today’s era happens in sophisticated laboratories around the world not in commonplace things. Over more than 10000 scientists collaborated in Large Hadron Collider, one of most stupendous work, to decipher interrelation between general relativity and quantum mechanics. Like for cure of any deadly disease, it takes tremendous amount of time and collective effort to come out of any situation. To get a cure for Ebola and Zyka, collaborative efforts by scientific community could only extradite the work.

 

Conclusively, no doubt such issues have to be tackled in different ways and solution of such imbroglios are not a thing of common place, such convoluted problems need meticulous effort by everyone; but still there are lot of things where simple ideas could bring a lot of change and these ideas originate from the minds of passionate people.

[YeeHaun Kim]

Thanks Naveen again for vetting my essay.

 

For overall comments, the essay structure is very clear with good paragraphs. Sentences are also varied, both in length and in structure. It was a good read.

 

1. Minor grammar mistakes

 

they go out of their way to produce something entirely different and unique

 

Mark Zuckerberg started Facebook to connect with his peers over internet

 

I'd recommend using http://www.grammarly.com to check for grammar, I find that helpful to get quick learnings before posting it online. I noticed both of your essays exhibited a bias in omitting determiners before a noun, which you could quickly improve by looking up this grammar rule alongside with appropriate exceptions to the rule on the web. Examples below:

 

but it was the passion of arts that propelled this common story

he knew the recipe to make a delicious chicken

To get a cure for Ebola and Zyka, collaborative efforts by the scientific community could only extradite the work.

 

 

2. Vocabulary application

 

a.

It was their sheer compassion which turned ordinary thoughts into wonders.

Since compassion is a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another, I don't think you meant compassion. Is dedication or devotion a better synonym for passion?

 

b.

To get a cure for Ebola and Zyka, collaborative efforts by the scientific community could only extradite the work.

Since extradite is to give up a criminal, did you mean expedite (to speed up)?

 

3. Rearrange the sentence for clarity

Conclusively, no doubt such issues have to be tackled in different ways and solution of such imbroglios are not a thing of common place, such convoluted problems need meticulous effort by everyone

Because this is a new paragraph, I felt lost at the first mention of "such issues" -> did you mean the everyday issues or complicated issues? Later in the paragraph, I realised you were discussing complicated issues. I thought the quote could be more concise and 'punchy', I'm not sure if you'd agree that this is better, just my thoughts.

"Conclusively, such convoluted problems require the meticulous effort from a wide collection of perspectives, and the solution is usually not quotidian;"

Hope this helps! :)

[Naveen Mishra]

thanks for such an elaborated analysis of the essay.

I am trying hard to remove my consistent problem with the use of determiners. I still have around a month before the test, so hoping for the best. Grammarly is really helpful.