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Issue task - essay review (followed gregmat's structure)


pinkrob
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I followed gregmat's structure for both the argument and the issue essay. I feel confident about the argument essay, as greg himself mentions, it is easily do able based on the structure and I'm pretty much convinced with the way I wrote it too, but the Issue essay seems to be a little tougher and ambiguous. Would be great if any one of you could review and suggest any tips/improvements! TIA.

Issue essay question:

The best way for a society to prepare its young people for leadership in government, industry, or other fields is by instilling in them a sense of cooperation, not competition.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

Essay (written during a timed mock):

A perfect leader is someone who not only has in depth knowledge about his team/organization/industry but also has the ability to get things done diligently. A leader is the one who is considered to be the best in the lot and hence the position, and to justify that, he has to possess a strong sense of cooperation, without giving up on the competition, in the right spirit. In my opinion, I think the statement's support towards cooperation is very much valid with respect to the scenario considered -- preparing young people for leadership. I'd like to support the same by calling forth two topics along with examples and hypothetical instances.

The history has seen numerous leaders who have rose up to supreme authority by virtue of their competitive spirit, likewise, history has also witnessed these leaders falling apart in short time. What could possibly be the reason? Lack of cooperation? Yes -- if not the only reason, a major reason. Once someone rises to the top, the most important aspect would be to stay there and to be able to do that, that person has to be able to work 'with' his/her team and this directly translates to being cooperative at all times. I'd like to state an example to support the same. The Indian cricket team's best player of all times is Sachin Tendulkar, undoubtedly. And when he went up the ladder breaking through all the competition as the best cricket player of his time, people cheered his talent and competitive spirit. Soon, he was offered the captaincy of the Indian cricket team by the selectors and the coach without any second thoughts. But he failed miserably, as a player and as a leader. Why was that so? Many claim that he wasn't capable of working 'with' his teammates and always focused on being the best in the lot. He was a start individually, but lacked cooperation with his teammates. This example asserts that cooperation plays a formidable role in determining a leader's potential and success in any domain.

Secondly, is competition bad for a young leader? Of course, young people need to have the competitive spirit in order to progress and accomplish their goals. But for people who aspire to be leaders, competition could be a bane. For instance, let's assume that a Manager has a fantastic team and always gets the work done on time. But slowly, the management comes to the realization that there is a start performer in his team who is getting most of the work done. In this case, if the manager holds a competitive spirit in the wrong sense, he might not like his teammate burgeoning. This leads to a lot of mix ups. Instead, if he is a person who has faith in cooperation, he would rather prefer walking up to his amazing teammate and have an open conversation about his success and learn and work together, and ultimately increasing his abilities and the team's standards.

The statement strongly supports cooperation over competition, which might not hold water in all cases, but very well does in this case, where the focus is on the society trying to prepare its young people for leadership in various fields. In conclusion, I strongly support the claim that the statement makes and the above analysis provides the basis to my support.

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