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Sawasdee ka!

 

I know many engineers are membership of this forum........

 

The comprehension of Engineers - Take One

 

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

 

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

 

"The second engineer nodded approvingly, 'Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

 

The comprehension of Engineers - Take Two

 

To the optimist, the glass is half full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

 

The comprehension of Engineers-Take Three

 

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"

 

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"

 

The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him."

 

"Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

 

The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free any time."

 

The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

 

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

 

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

 

The comprehension of Engineers-Take Four

 

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?

 

Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.

 

The comprehension of Engineers-Take Five

 

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.

 

One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."

 

The last one said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

 

The comprehension of Engineers-Take Six

 

"Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

 

Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet."

 

The comprehension of Engineers-Take Seven

 

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.

 

The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.

 

The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.

 

The engineer said, "I like both."

 

"Both?"

 

Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."

 

The comprehension of Engineers - Take Eight

 

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into

a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

 

Finally!, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you. I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything

you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

 

The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog...... now that's cool!"

 

Do I hurt your feeling? I guessed one who wrote this joke is an engineer's girlfriend. ;)

 

Noon

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  • 5 months later...

Engineering 101

 

What the Engineer says.

(What it really means)

 

A number of different approaches are being tried.

(We are still grasping at straws.)

 

We're working on a fresh approach to the problem.

(We just hired three kids fresh out of college.)

 

Close project coordination.

(We know who to blame.)

 

Major technological break through.

(It works OK, but looks very hi-tech.)

 

Customer satisfaction upon delivery is assured.

(We are so far behind schedule the customer is happy to get it delivered.)

 

Preliminary operational tests were inconclusive.

(The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch.)

 

Test results were extremely gratifying.

(We are so surprised that the stupid thing works.)

 

The entire concept will have to be abandoned.

(The only person who understood the thing quit.)

 

It is in process.

(It is so wrapped up in red tape that the situation is about hopeless.)

 

We'll look into it.

(Forget it! We have enough problems for now.)

 

Please read and initial.

(Let's spread the responsibility for the mistake.)

 

Give us the benefit of your thoughts.

(We'll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn't interfere with

what we've already done.)

 

Give us your interpretation.

(I can't wait to hear this!)

 

See me, or Let's Discuss.

(Come into my office, I'm lonely.)

 

It's all new!

(Parts not interchangeable with the previous design.)

 

:DNoon

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Before they die

 

It's the time of the French Revolution and they're doing their usual daily beheadings. Today they're leading a priest, a prostitute and an engineer up to the guillotine.

 

They ask the priest if he wants to be face up or face down when he meets his fate. The priest says that he would like to be face

up so he will be looking toward heaven when he dies.

 

They raise the blade of the guillotine, release it, it comes speeding down and suddenly stops just inches from his neck. Being devoutly

religious, they take this as divine intervention and release the priest.

 

Next the prostitute comes to the guillotine. She also decides to die face up, hoping that she will be as fortunate as the priest. They raise the blade of the guillotine, release it, it comes speeding down, and again suddenly stops just inches from her neck. So they

release the prostitute as well.

 

The engineer is next. He too decides to die facing up. They raise the blade of the guillotine, when suddenly the engineer cries out:

"Hey, wait!! I see what your problem is!"

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