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#171: Imagine that you are preparing for a trip. Y


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#171: Imagine that you are preparing for a trip. You plan to be away from your home for a year. In addition to clothing and personal care items, you can take one additional thing. What would you take and why? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice.
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Hi all, what do you think about this?;)

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If I were preparing for an oversea journey for a rather long time, apart from clothing and personal care items, I would take with me one thing that reminds me of my native country, Vietnam. Of many beloved things, I would choose a water dipper made of coconut shell for the following reasons.

 

First, in every family in the countryside of Vietnam, a water dipper represents an indispensable object that is closely associated with the daily life. Each time looking at it, I would remember the scene that my mother holding a dipper scooped a little well-water to wash my hair. It would also recall me of my eighty-year-old grandmother, who is skillful at the process from emptying the coconut, drying its shell to whittling it into a scoop. Taking it with me, I could find my family being around me.

 

Furthermore, another important reason for my choice lies in the natural material to make a dipper, coconut shell. Coconut becomes a symbol of my coastal hometown. Coconut trees are planted everywhere along the coast. I remembered the time when I was a child, I loved to run playfully in the range of coconut trees and hide myself from my friends behind those tree-trunks. Of course, I will never forget those beautiful and peaceful memories.

 

In all, since a water dipper made of coconut shell contains in itself such a great deal of meaningful significance, I would not hesitate to take it with me in my trip. I would put it in my room, so that I could see it everyday. Undoubtedly, it would keep me from stress due to pressure from my daily work.

 

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  • 7 months later...

Hi, Diep!

If you still care ;-) Here are my thoughts:

 

1. You made a nice choice; however your essay sounds too individual for me. Though I haven't got much experience writing TOEFL essays, I think that it has sense to reduce using of "I" pronoun in your passage.

 

2.I am not sure about following grammer point: "in all"(last paragraph),

 

3. Vocabulary is good; at least, it looks good for me.

 

4. Structure is rather straight; however it is quite effective.

 

Introduction + Description of the first thing + Description of the second thing + Conclusion

 

May be it has sense to add a little bit of criticism. I think that the thing you have chosen have negative sides, and bringing them up can even strenthen your point by showing your deep understanding of the subject.

 

Of cause, it's just my point of view. Your comments are welcome.

Best regards.

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And here goes my try. I'll be very glad to hear your slashing comments. ;-)

 

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If I were going for a long trip and I had a possibility to take one additional thing with me except clothing and personal care items I would take my credit card. Being small and compact, it is at the same time provides its holder with a plenty of money, which can be converted in almost everything that he wants.

 

First of all, having some money on a credit card, I can easily buy many things during my trip. They are maps, tickets, and food. Actually, this range of products is limited only with the amount of money on my credit card account.

 

Furthermore, nowadays global payment systems like VISA or Mastercard are widespread all over the world. Of cause, one can find a place where there is no bank and no equipment which allows to withdraw money from an account, but such a situation is quite rare. What makes them extremely useful is that credit cards are usually very compact, and that gives them an advantage over cash money. Every person can easily carry them in his or her pocket.

 

However, one can object that he would take a photo of his wife or his children instead of money. But this argument doesn’t hold water. If there is a bank in the town, then there is definitely a communication center. Thus each man can contact his natives by using internet.

 

By and large, credit card is the best choice that one can make in this situation because, having very compact size, it allows his holder to provide himself with everything necessary.

 

--------------------------

Thank you for your attention.

Best regards.

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Hello Hippo,

your essay points out the realistic view on the situation, I would say. That's nice!

About the style: I think that your first and second paragraphs are telling the same ideas, so maybe either you need to distinguish them more vividly or alter them. First I thought that your conclusion could be more than 1 sentence long, but then I realised that it really absorbes everything the essay's body say, except for some general ideas. And maybe you'd better say what the situation is instead of using the determiner 'this' in the conclusion sentence - then it will be even more clear.

Regarding the grammar and spelling - in general quite ok. But still, I've found some minor issues.

1 paragraph: 'Being small and compact, it is at the same time provides its holder with a plenty of money, which can be converted in almost everything that he wants.' --> I'm sure you know what is wrong here. ;)

3 paragraph: 'Of course' --> this is about the spelling.

5 paragraph: 'By and large, credit card is the best choice that one can make in this situation because, having very compact size, it allows his holder to provide himself with everything necessary .' --> this subsentence is a bit grammatically messy - you see, the subject is 'it', and it's not clear what it refers to 'card' or 'situation'. Also 'his' should be changed to 'its', isn't it?

 

HTH, Svetlana

 

 

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Hello Svetlana,

 

Thank you for the time you spent reading and commenting my passage. Your thoughts are really very useful for me.

 

I totally agree with all your remarks except the last one.

I think that adverb phrase "having very compact size" points to the card; thus situation could hardly be referred by the pronoun "it".

 

'By and large, credit card is the best choice that one can make in this situation because, having very compact size, it allows his holder to provide himself with everything necessary.

 

However, I jotted it down, and I'll try to avoid using such a construction.

 

Best regards,

Hippo.

 

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Imagine that you are preparing for a trip. You plan to be away from your home for a year. In addition to clothing and personal care items, you can take one additional thing. What would you take and why? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice.

 

 

My mom takes care of packing all the things when I go for trip. There is hardly anything that I have not found in my bag that I needed. However, I have never been away from my home for a longer duration like one year. If I am going to be away from home for such a longer duration then I will surely like to take some family photographs. I will also take the idols that I worship without fail. I provide the following reasons for my choice.

I have never been away from my home for a long duration. The longest duration that I was away from home was for one month. It was when I had gone for summer camp with my friends. I remember that after few days I started feeling very homesick. I cound no longer bear the extreme naustalgia. I used to call home every day and used to talk for hours. The summer camp was planned for two months but I could stay only for a month. I am sure that if I am going to stay for such a long duration then I will feel home-sick. Then I can console with these pictues. At least they will reduce the intensity of the home-sickness and provide some entertainment. I will have some good time remembering the events related to the photographs.

Secondly, I am very religious person. According to my custom we are supposed to worship thrice a day. I have never broken this practice even when I had to be away from home. I will take the idols and the religious books that are required for the rituals. I will take all the related items that are required as they may not available at other places.

 

Thus, I will make sure that i will forget to get the two mentioned items that are very important to me. The photographs will provide relief when i feel lonely and homesick, while the idols will ensure that i will continue the practice.

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  • 1 month later...

People have a wide optional gamut of things to take along when they are going on a long trip, from pens and sunglasses to books and cassettes. If I had to go on a one year trip, I would definitely choose a computer. I will argument my preference in the paragraphs below.

 

First of all, the computer is the fastest and more reliable link with the world around us. If you have a wireless connection to the Internet, you can read all the newspapers or talk with your friends. For me the Internet is indispensable and I certainly could not live without its benefits. For instance a businessman can check the stock quotes or a scientist can read a last-minute breakthrough in his realm. For all of us the computer is a gate towards achieving profound knowledge.

 

Secondly, like many other people I use the computer for working. I am a Computer Science student therefore any program or technology that I have to assimilate requires a computer help. For instance, if I wanted to edit a document naturally I would need some specific hardware. Traditional typewriters cannot keep the pace with the plethora of facilities offered by contemporary computer editing applications like Word or Latex. We use the computer in numerous professional fields consequently we need it to continue our work.

 

Thirdly, the computer is a great method of relaxation. You can watch movies, listen to a favorite tune or even play games. I am not a gamer, but I usually like to play one of my favorite strategy games or listen to some Deep Purple songs. Almost anyone can find something they like to do on a computer so it is a source of fun very much needed on a long itinerary.

 

Finally, the computer is remarkably flexible and can be used in a myriad of problems. Its strong power of computation can solve faster and easier problems that may occur during a trip. For instance if you are an architect you do not need to lug your drawings. The figures can be transported easily and made more accurately by using a computer. You can carry your whole designs in a hard drive on a small laptop. The same advantages are obvious for a photographer or a computer programmer, like I am. There are many people that use the computer as personal folder of all they have done. Of course, in those cases the computer becomes a necessity.

 

For all that, I will strongly opt for choosing a computer on a long trip. It is very useful professionally, a great method of relaxation, and most of all, your link to the whole world.

 

 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

ITS URGENT......TOEFL TOMORROW!!!

I have my TOEFL test tomorrow. I would highly appreciate if someone can look at this essay and suggest some quick tips to improve....SOME DO'S and DON'Ts....please!!!

 

Being away from home for a long time requires lot of packing and planning. Given a choice to take one additional item apart from clothes and personal care, I would love to take my camera along with me. My camera has always been an important part of my journeys for various reasons.

 

Firstly, while enjoying my trip away from home, I would like to capture all the beautiful sceneries and moments I experience. Later in my life, all these pictures taken would remind me of this wonderful trip and the memories will be retained for my future generations to cherish. For example, recently I visited Grand Canyon National Park. With the help of my camera I could capture the wonderful sceneries and now my friends are amazed to see the beauty of the place through the photographs.

 

Secondly, I am an enthusiastic photography fan. Various blends of colors in the sky during sunrise and sunset, the setup of an altogether different environment from my own, unusual activities encountered in the trip always inspire me to sieze them in my camera and take them along with me. Considering the long duration of the trip, I guess I would have lots of things to take pictures of.

 

Also, my camera would let me document all the information and details about the places I visit which later on I can send to my relatives and friends to enjoy. Seeing the visuals they can easily make out what all I did and saw during my trip and understand better whatever I narrate to them.

 

I would say that my camera would be a perfect companion for my trip because it would make my trip all the more wonderful, informative and memorable on my return.

 

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Hi MS

 

Your writing has a clear organization, and almost no grammar or spelling mistake. That is very important in TWE. [banana]

 

However I think your body paras should be longer to add more examples to make your main points more effective. And if were you I would pretent to have a job relating to camera-using such as journalist, photographer. [just white-lies, ETS never knows:D]Then your choice of camera is absolutely very fine.

 

Just my two cents.

 

 

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