Frustated with my current state of affairs!

[AnoniGlad]

Well, my case history is long so bear with me!!

 

I was born in India and after my schooling, I started my undergrad in engineering at a reputed national institute (though not IIT), after finishing my undergrad (with good honors) I found myself lacking some knowledge and thought it would be nice to go for further studies (I also had an ulterior motive of leaving India for good as well :evil:) (apparently lot of my friends had thought of this long time back, as most of them were burning midnight oil to get into top US universities and IIMs). As I had never gaven grad studies a serious thought before and it was too late to start prep'ing for GRE at that time, I started looking for other options which came in form of places like IITs and few Singaporean universities. Fortunately I had written GATE in my last year and had sufficient score to make into any IIT for my grad studies. I had also succeeded in acquiring a nice job in one of the most reputed company at that time (things were going alright back then :) ), so I decided to work for a while and take that year to prep up for GRE. With all things going right I was making a decent progress on both the ends, job and study for GRE as well. It was then things started getting bad one after another. I contracted some form of stomach disease (which the doctors are not sure till this day ie after a year and a half with numerous test and diagnosis) which made me bedridden for about 6 months or so, I had to forgo my chance of appearing in GRE and that year's app'ing. So my father told me that since there is no chance for me getting in US universities should join some IIT as my GATE score is still valid for he being very worried about me not going for grad. studies. I had always resented doing my grad studies in India, for I have developed a feeling of absolute hatred for this country for my own reasons. So I was literally forced to take the MTech interviews here in IITs which I qualified(to my own astonishment :eek:). Now I am in one of the IITs doing my Masters and after one year of education I am utterly frustrated with my own self (though somehow I have kept my academic performance pretty decent). To the best of my understanding my frustration stems from the following things.

1. For being a complete failure at recognizing that opprtunity during my undergrad when I had time and health for prep'ing up for GRE.
   
2. For being in India (which I detest the most and I always wanted to escape from) and knowing that now there will be literally no way to escape out of this hell.
   
3. For knowing that most of my friends are right now having the best time of their life in countries like United Stated.
   
4. For simply being a second-rate for rest of my life.

All this has caused enough rackus in my head and now I cannt bear it any longer, sometimes it frustates me to an extent of thoughts to kill myself! I know something has to be done with this, as if I dont do anything either my academics will suffer or I might do something crazy which I might resent in the later part of my life.

 

In the beginning I had planned to go for a Phd after my masters here but now I have lost all the interest in that.

 

Please tell me is there any way out and anything which can be done?

 

PS : I must thank anyone to read this much of thing filled with negetive thoughts and I must ask for apologies for any troubles that I might give you in that process.

[Gmater-1]

Dude i think you qualified Gate that more than enough..its much more tough than that GRE's etc and anyway in my opinion a IIT masters grad is at par or higher that anybody with MS stanford, coz i worked with them also :) ..now it depends on ur intrest if u want to go into technical stream or mgmt ?

[Giscard]

Dude,

 

Comparison yourself with your friends will not do you any good. How do you know that life in USA is all roses? Remember, your friends may tell tell you many great things about their great life, but it is quite possible that they are working at a gas stations mopping toilets and sharing a dingy apartment with six people.

 

If leaving India is the only thing that matters to you, I heard that taking a boat to Canada worked well for many people.

[Ancalagon The Black]

I think that you have issues in life. Major issues. Why on earth would you hate India? People like you are the reason why the brain drain occurred through the 1970s to the 1990s. You are talented enough to get into the best institute in the country which are comparable to the best in the world.

 

Do not think for a moment that life in the US is easy. It is rather, very very hard. In India, you have a lot of conveniences which you do not have in the US. Life in India is much easier than life in the US. True, you might get the iPhone 3 months earlier, but thats about it.

 

 

I think that you suffer from jealousy and peer pressure. I know many like you. Pity, you are talented.

[Erin]

Ancalagon The Black said:

I think that you have issues in life. Major issues. Why on earth would you hate India? People like you are the reason why the brain drain occurred through the 1970s to the 1990s. You are talented enough to get into the best institute in the country which are comparable to the best in the world.

Do not think for a moment that life in the US is easy. It is rather, very very hard. In India, you have a lot of conveniences which you do not have in the US. Life in India is much easier than life in the US. True, you might get the iPhone 3 months earlier, but thats about it.

I think that you suffer from jealousy and peer pressure. I know many like you. Pity, you are talented.

Pretty harsh language. Please tone it down.

[Erin]

Giscard said:

If leaving India is the only thing that matters to you, I heard that taking a boat to Canada worked well for many people.

Okay, maybe I need to read this whole thread.

But I'd rather not. I'd rather just trust that all of you have the best of intentions.

Let me just leave it at that. 🙂

[Ancalagon The Black]

Erin: I apologize for the strong remarks. If they are irrelevant, please feel free to delete them, I was just speaking my mind and do not want to malign anyone based on heresay... just on the basis of his posts...

[AnoniGlad]

I think that you have issues in life. Major issues. Why on earth would you hate India? People like you are the reason why the brain drain occurred through the 1970s to the 1990s. You are talented enough to get into the best institute in the country which are comparable to the best in the world.

 

Do not think for a moment that life in the US is easy. It is rather, very very hard. In India, you have a lot of conveniences which you do not have in the US. Life in India is much easier than life in the US. True, you might get the iPhone 3 months earlier, but thats about it.

 

 

 

I think that you suffer from jealousy and peer pressure. I know many like you. Pity, you are talented.

 

 

Well yes I do have issues, thats why I am asking in a forum where I think I will find some peers. :)

 

Ok moving on to my disliking towards India... well most of it stems from the fact that I feel pretty much alienate here and secondly, it constantly reminds me that I am a second rate person (professionally, economically and what not), being a citizen of a third world country and my higher education in India offers me no consolation let alone any happiness.

 

Upon the life in US well.... I never believe that it will be easy but there is also a good possibility that i will get better with time, in India even after putting so much of effort its not even budging. And yes its not only iPhone but a lot of things that are and perhaps will always remain "Not available in India".

 

Lastly yes I do agree to your last point as well, I do suffer from jealousy (nothing could be more blatantly obvious). I think that is natural for anyone who knows that he is going to be a second rate dude for rest of his life (Again that plainly my line of thought).

 

Now the big question is "What To be Done?"

 

Pretty harsh language. Kindly tone it down. And please avoid imputing to others motivations of which you're unsure. ;)

 

 

It OK Erin, I knew if I will tell my problem to anyone the reply can be really harsh, and everyone here has been really decent and reasonable.

[wasleys]

Now the big question is "What To be Done?"

AnoniGlad,

 

I suppose few of us are really satisfied with their lot, but I do think you need to realise that the grass on the other side of the fence is rarely, if ever, as green as it looks.

 

I think you need to recognise that, far from being a second rate person, you are a person of considerable achievement. I would also suggest you remember that your country has a magnificent cultural record which pre-dates the US you so lust after by millennia. Perhaps you could use your talents to help it develop further.

 

I think you need to be concerned about your very low self-esteem. It could be a symptom of depression. You should get this checked out by talking about it with your doctor as soon as possible.

 

Michael

[AnoniGlad]

Thank you everyone!!!

 

I would also like to request mods/admins to lock this thread to prevent any unnecessary drama in this thread :D.

 

Closed as requested.

[AnoniGlad]

In 2007 while doing my masters from India, that too from the top most national institute in India, I was really frustrated. It burnt me for very brutally. With jealousy and self pity. Because I was in India, not in the greatest universities in west. That being said, I managed to complete my masters with decent GPA (3.55). I was in my early to mid 20s back then. I fortunately got a friend who was much more mature than I was. He was in his early 30s back then. He told me how he had to compromise on his extremely successful business and seek job because of his family situation and encouraged me to forge ahead instead of burning with jealousy. I finished my masters and got a job in one of the top most software development company in the world. There too my frustration and second rate feeling never left me... I knew I had to do something.

After 2 years there and one promotion later, I quit that and joined my same friend in a bank as their senior design engineer. I got to travel in EU a lot in my that job.. met many wonderful folks and learnt how people lived their lives and I decided to take the bull by the horn this time. I prepared for GRE and got a decent score (1470 back then). I also wrote TOEFL. Since I was in the bank I decided to try to get into Financial engineering. I applied only in CMU-MSCF and got an admit. This finally closed that wound in my heart. I talked with my friend and my mother (who is herself a banker and a financial expert). She told me that why you want to repeat an engineering master? Its hyper focused... unless you love it with all your mind, do not do it. I let it go. That being said, an admit from CMU in MSCF (at that time, one of the top most MFE program in USA) really put my mind at ease and calmness. 

Next was my itch to settle in "west". I came to knew that Australia is taking people directly as permanent residents. I applied and got the PR. Went there but decided to settle there in earnest only if I come with my job in hand and a wife with me. Next was marriage which was another story, lets say it happened somehow. I then started applying for jobs with potential to move to Australia once more. I got into a FANG company and an Australian company. FANG one made more sense, so I continued with it. It lead me to immigration to Canada instead of Australia. So I moved to Canada. I finally got a PR here in Canada today. (So I decided to give that thread a closure.) I live on west coast. I have been here for seven years now. Still working for the same FANG company. My son is born here. He will likely not face same issues as I did. Most likely, some different ones. Oh well!

There is still road ahead... though my learning is :

1. Do not feel frustrated if path is now clear right now. Things present themselves when they are ready.

2. Do not feel burnt by jealousy. Instead, face your fears and overcome them.

3. Do not obsess over something so much that you loose track of big picture.

4. Make a friend who has seen more things than you do.

5. When you want things in life on your own terms, it takes time and cost.