Evaluate Essay (Appreciate any help )

[lingminhao]

Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you think is better? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Personally, I believe that young adults should live with their families even If they are able to live on their own. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following essay.

 

First of all, staying together with families saves cost of living, which allows young adults to utilise their money in a more sophisticated way. Nowadays, cost of living is high especially when we talk about buying a new house. By staying with parents, young adults do not have to buy a new house which further burden their financial problem. For instance, about ten years ago, when my elder brother got married, he chose to stay with my parents as he knew he would not be able to buy a new house as soon as after the wedding party since the wedding ceremony took a lot from his savings. This saves his cost of living because he did not have to pay for rentals or loans. After that, he put his savings in fixed deposit account and invested trustable financial products with stable returns. Eventually, he was able to earn fair amount of money for future through these investments. This would not be possible without staying together with families.

 

Secondly, staying together with families maintains and strengthens lovely family relationship. Parents have more chance to get in touch with their children. If young adults choose to stay outside, it limits the amount of time for parents to meet their children face to face. This eventually weakens the family relationship and as time goes on, young adults tend to leave their parents alone. My personal experience is a compelling example of this. About three years ago, I chose to live in a hostel in my university instead of staying with families. At first, I go back to my parent’s house once per week. After a few months, I did not really go back to the house, providing excuses like assignments and exams. I realised that our family relationship become not as lovely as before. We tend to behave like a stranger for quite a while. Fortunately, I decided to live with my families after I graduated and now, I get my lovely family back!

 

In conclusion, I am of the opinion that young adults should live with their families for a longer time. This is because it saves cost of living and because it maintains good family relationship.

[Rasel]

Living independently is a basic human instinct, it is like declaring independence. Youths usually tend to show this by living on their own. There has been various reasons why the young adults differ in their preferences. Though many prefer to live without their parents, personally, I believe that young adults should live with their families instead of living on their own. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following essay.

 

First of all, staying together with families saves cost of living. As a result, young adults can utilize their money in a more useful way. Nowadays, cost of living is high especially when we talk about buying a new house. By staying with parents, young adults do not have to buy a new house which further burden them financially. For instance, about ten years ago, when my elder brother got married, he chose to stay with my parents as he knew he would not be able to buy a new house. In fact, the wedding ceremony took a lot from his savings . This enabled him to deposit a regular amount in a bank which eventually made him financially sound. Afterwards, he further invested that savings and currently running a successful small business. This was possible only for his liking to live with family.

 

Secondly, staying together with families builds and strengthens lovely family relationship. Parents and children both have more chance to get in touch with each other. On the contrary, If young adults choose to stay outside, it limits the time they can be together. This eventually weakens the family relationship and as time passes, young adults tend to leave their parents alone. To illustrate, about three years ago, I chose to live in a hostel in my university instead of staying with families. At first, I used to visit my parent’s house weekly. After a few months, I stopped visiting them, providing excuses like assignments and exams. I realized that this aloofness has weakened our bondage. I tend to behave like a stranger for quite a while. This bitter experience made me to decide rightly to live with my families after my graduation and now, I enjoy living with my lovely family!

 

In conclusion, I am of the opinion that young adults should live with their families as long as they can. This is because it saves cost of living as well as it maintains good family relationship. Family is a source of continuous encouragement, I hope everyone can be benefited by that.

[testerdog]

Just a couple of pointers:

 

Living independently is a basic human instinct, it is like declaring independence. > Living independently is a basic human instinct; it is like declaring independence. (it is an act of declaring one's independence?)

 

 

Youths > Young people

 

 

Youths usually tend to show this by living on their own So it appears that this refers to living independently, so I think you're saying that Youths usually tend to show living independently by living on their own? What if you wrote Living independently is one of the major ways that young people can become independent?

 

You also wrote usually and tend which is redundant since they both have similar meanings.