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Thread: pleas rate my essay,thanks :)

  1. #1
    Trying to make mom and pop proud
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    pleas rate my essay,thanks :)

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    topic 10:"When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success." Do you agree or disagree with the quotation above? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your position.

    I love reading biographies of the great persons, and all of them admitted that their success was deprived from their hard work. So I do agree that “when people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success.”

    To begin with, hard work gives you the ability to success. Never before did anyone succeed only with luck; never before did anyone succeed without hard working. The most obvious example in point is Thomas Edison. He invented light bulb after experimenting hundreds of times. If he did not work so hard, he might give up before a hundred of times.

    Furthermore, luck is a kind of superstition, which makes people lazy. Therefore, people believe probably do not work hard, only to hope that luck give what they want. There are many examples in China. Many high school students, especially these who will take college entrance exam, go to some famous temples and spend hundreds dollars begging God to give them luck. And then, they seldom study hard because they believe God will help them. What I said sounds ridiculous, but it really exists. The result of the exam will teach them a lesson that “God only help those who help themselves.”

    Finally, most successful people, especially scientist, appear to be bad luck. For instance, Marie Curie spent dozens of years discovering the element – Radium; Einstein tried very hard to establish the Relative Theory. These examples prove that without hardworking, people will never expect they can succeed.

    In short, luck only provides us the possibility of success. Hard work is the only way that converts the possibility to the reality.

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    Eager! schan's Avatar
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    Re: pleas rate my essay,thanks :)

    Hi Niray, You have tried good. I would say if you keep some time for reviewing it, after the test then you can do better job. There are some gramatical mistakes. Moreover, you used some words to explain the same.

    topic 10:"When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success." Do you agree or disagree with the quotation above? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your position.

    I love reading biographies of the great persons, and all of them admitted that their success was deprived from their hard work. So I do agree that “when people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success.”

    To begin with, hard work gives you the ability to success. Never before did anyone succeed only with luck; never before did anyone succeed without hard working. The most obvious example in point is Thomas Edison. He invented light bulb after experimenting hundreds of times. you could have written He invented a Light bulb after several experiments. If he did not work so hard, he might give up before a hundreds of times.

    Furthermore, luck is a kind of superstition, which makes people lazy. Therefore, people believe probably do not work hard, only to in hope that luck will give what they want. There are many examples in China. Many high school students, especially these who will take college entrance exam, go to some famous temples and spend hundreds of dollars begging God to give them luck. And then, they seldom study hard because they believe God will help them. What I said sounds ridiculous, but it really exists.??Not clear to me. The result of the exam will teach them a lesson that “God only help those who help themselves.”Good quote.

    Finally, most successful people, especially scientists, appear to be bad luck??. For instance, Marie Curie spent dozens of years discovering the element – Radium; Einstein tried very hard to establish the Relative Theory. These examples prove that without hardworking a hard work , people will never (expect they cansucceed) get success.

    In short, luck only provides us the possibility of success. Hard work is the only way that converts the possibility to the reality.


    correct me if I'm wrong....Sorry for the criticism. When are you planning to write your exam?









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    shuriyoken awhig's Avatar
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    Re: pleas rate my essay,thanks :)

    schan, you should not be sorry for criticizing others.

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    Trying to make mom and pop proud
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    Re: pleas rate my essay,thanks :)

    thank you !
    your advice is very good, and i am very appreciated it.

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    Trying to make mom and pop proud darshang's Avatar
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    Re: pleas rate my essay,thanks :)

    Hi as mentioned by schan there are few mistakes but overall its good.. also
    the introduction has this statement "success was deprived from their hard". I did not undestand this. For me it mean Success denied from their hard work.. that not logical..

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    Eager! schan's Avatar
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    Re: pleas rate my essay,thanks :)

    hi Darshang understands it correctly, there is a mistake and i forgot to mention that. But darshang you cannot just bluntly say to anyone that he/she did not try good. the try was good but yes the critics adds more refinement to the writing for which the testmagic is for. Am i right?
    Anyway, your comment add more value and will help more to improve. thanks for correcting me too, for not mentioning that mistake of niray.
    Thanks again.

  7. #7
    Trying to make mom and pop proud
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    Re: pleas rate my essay,thanks :)

    yeah, i should also say thank to you guys.
    the word deprive should be devive, thank you for correcting me~

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