Sponsored Ad:
Results 1 to 7 of 7

Thread: please rate my essay and tell me my mistakes!!!

  1. #1
    Muzzled.
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    U.S.A
    Posts
    81
    Rep Power
    0


    Good post? Yes | No

    Post please rate my essay and tell me my mistakes!!!

    Sponsored Ad:
    Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents are the best teachers. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

    Parents are teachers from the first day of a child life. Children learn almost every thing from feeding to walking from their parents. Parents are the best teachers for their children because they know the psychology of their children very well, they are more conscious for the studies of their children and they can present themselves as an example in front of their children.

    First, every child has different psychology. If a teacher knows about the personality of a student then it will be easy for the teacher to teach the student. Parents are closest to their children then any other person in the world. Parents can be best teachers because they know about their child interests very well. For example if children like music, the parents can teach them alphabets with the help of music. They can teach them by playing different games and puzzles at home in very intrusting way according to the personality of the kids. Parents can also schedule the time for study with flexibility according to the needs of their children.

    Second, nobody can be more sincere then parents with their children. Parents will teach their children with more attention because they are more conscious for the studies of their children. With the help of education, they want to secure the future of their children. In schools there are forty students in each class and it is hard for the teacher to give individual attention to every student. But if parents are teachers then they can give more attention individually to their children.

    Finally, the parents can present themselves as an example in front of their children. For example if parents are reading books or news paper daily for one hour, they presenting themselves as an example in front of their children. The children will show more interest in reading as they are observing their parents to read. Another example, a child of a doctor or an engineer will try to become a doctor or engineer like his parent.
    Parents can teach their children about discipline by presenting themselves as an example in front of their children.

    In conclusion, parents are the best teacher in every aspect of life because they know the personalities of their kids, they are sincere with their children and they are an example for their children.

  2. #2
    Eager!
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    35
    Rep Power
    14


    Good post? Yes | No
    blue = omit this/omit these
    green = revised portion
    orange = revising sentence to make it more clear will help


    Quote Originally Posted by sadcat View Post
    Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents are the best teachers. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

    Parents are teachers from the first day of a child life. Children learn almost every thing from feeding to walking from their parents. Parents are the best teachers for their children because they know the psychology of their children very well, they are more conscious for the studies of their children and they can present themselves as an examples in front of their children.

    Firstly, every child has a different psychology . If a teacher knows about the personality of a student, then it will be easy for the teacher to teach the student but parents are closer to their children than any other person in the world. They Parents can be best teachers because they know about their child's interests very well. For example if children like music, the parents can teach them alphabets with the help of music. They can teach them by playing different games and puzzles at home in very interesting ways according to the personality of the kids. Parents can also schedule the time for study with flexibility according to the needs of their children.

    Secondly, nobody can be more sincere with children than parents. Parents will teach their children with more attention because they are more conscious for the studies of their children. Through education, they want to secure the future of their children. In schools there are many forty students in each class and it is difficult for the teacher to give individual attention to every students, but if parents are teachers, they can give more attention individually to their children.

    Finally, the parents can present themselves as an example for in front of their children. For example if parents read books or newspapers daily for an hour, they are presenting themselves as examples in front of their children The Children will show more interest in reading as they are observeing their parents to read. Another example, a child of a doctor or an engineer will try to become a doctor or engineer like his parent - you can try and change or substantiate this point. Parents can teach their children about discipline by presenting themselves as an example in front of their children.

    To conclude, parents are the best teacher in every aspect of life because they know the personalities of their kids, they are sincere with their children and they are an example for their children.
    your essay is quite good so you need not panic! but you still have to practice.

    I spotted some grammatical errors. You need to use pronouns where you can and also, try and develop your examples a little more. The way your essay has been structured is good - intro, firstly, secondly, finally and then summing up in conclusion. You also need to work on the tenses (past, present etc; ) in your sentences. You mis-spelt "interesting" - avoiding those mitakes is better.

    One last thing:
    --> "then" is used to show course of action etc; for example: "wash your hands, then eat"

    --> "than" is used for comparison. for example: "jill is better than jack"

    good luck

    PS: My browser page refreshed and the post got posted twice accidentally. Please ignore the post below.
    Last edited by hamsternutz; 02-10-2007 at 05:30 AM. Reason: double post.

  3. #3
    Eager!
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    35
    Rep Power
    14


    Good post? Yes | No
    blue = omit this/omit these
    green = revised portion
    orange = revising sentence to make it more clear will help


    Quote Originally Posted by sadcat View Post
    Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents are the best teachers. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

    Parents are teachers from the first day of a child life. Children learn almost every thing from feeding to walking from their parents. Parents are the best teachers for their children because they know the psychology of their children very well, they are more conscious for the studies of their children and they can present themselves as an examples in front of their children.

    Firstly, every child has a different psychology . If a teacher knows about the personality of a student, then it will be easy for the teacher to teach the student but parents are closer to their children than any other person in the world. They Parents can be best teachers because they know about their child's interests very well. For example if children like music, the parents can teach them alphabets with the help of music. They can teach them by playing different games and puzzles at home in very interesting way according to the personality of the kids. Parents can also schedule the time for study with flexibility according to the needs of their children.

    Secondly, nobody can be more sincere with children than parents. Parents will teach their children with more attention because they are more conscious for the studies of their children. Through education, they want to secure the future of their children. In schools there are many forty students in each class and it is difficult for the teacher to give individual attention to every students, but if parents are teachers, they can give more attention individually to their children.

    Finally, the parents can present themselves as an example for in front of their children. For example if parents read books or newspapers daily for an hour, they are presenting themselves as examples in front of their children The Children will show more interest in reading as they are observeing their parents to read. Another example, a child of a doctor or an engineer will try to become a doctor or engineer like his parent - you can try and change or substantiate this point. Parents can teach their children about discipline by presenting themselves as an example in front of their children.

    To conclude, parents are the best teacher in every aspect of life because they know the personalities of their kids, they are sincere with their children and they are an example for their children.
    your essay is quite good so you need not panic! but you still have to practice.

    However, i notice some grammatical errors. you need to use pronouns where you can and also, try and develop your examples a little more. The way your essay has been structured is good - intro, firstly, secondly, finally and then summing up in conclusion. You also need to work on the tenses (past, present etc; ) in your sentences. You mis-spelt "interesting" - avoiding those mitakes is better.

    One last thing:
    *"then" is used to show course of action etc; for example: "wash your hands, then eat"

    *"than" is used for comparison. for example: "jill is better than jack"

    good luck
    Last edited by hamsternutz; 02-10-2007 at 05:29 AM.

  4. #4
    Muzzled.
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    U.S.A
    Posts
    81
    Rep Power
    0


    Good post? Yes | No
    hi hamsternuts,
    thank you so much for your help
    i got 20 in writing in dec.2006, i need 24 in writing . my next test is on march 10. how much will you give me out of 6.
    thank you

  5. #5
    Muzzled.
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    U.S.A
    Posts
    81
    Rep Power
    0


    Good post? Yes | No
    hi hamsternuts,
    thank you so much for your help
    i got 20 in writing in dec.2006, i need 24 in writing . my next test is on march 10. how much will you give me out of 6.
    thank you

  6. #6
    Eager!
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    35
    Rep Power
    14


    Good post? Yes | No
    I am not too sure about how much score I'd give you out of 6 because I dont have much idea about how toefl testing agency marks the essays. I suggest you take a look at the checklists and criteria for the essays, if you havent seen them yet. These criteria can either be downloaded online from the official website for toefl or can be found in the official guide book. once you have the criteria with you, you can ask a friend to rate your essay based on that. I didnt refer to it for my test, but it might help. Since i dont have the criteria grid, i wont be able to help you on that.
    keep practicing and I'm sure you'll achieve the score you want.
    good luck for your test.

  7. #7
    Muzzled.
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    U.S.A
    Posts
    81
    Rep Power
    0


    Good post? Yes | No
    thank you for your sapport

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 4
    Last Post: 08-22-2008, 09:10 PM
  2. Replies: 3
    Last Post: 09-27-2007, 08:56 AM
  3. Replies: 0
    Last Post: 07-17-2007, 12:26 PM
  4. please rate my argument and let me know my mistakes.
    By TargetGRE6 in forum GRE Analysis of an Argument
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 11-26-2006, 04:47 PM
  5. Replies: 1
    Last Post: 07-02-2006, 11:27 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •