Please critique this issue.....

[aveno]

Guys, please grade on a scale of 6.0. So I can know where I stand

Aveno.

“All students should be required to take courses in sciences, even if there have no interest in science.”

The author argues that science is a must for each and every course though students aren’t interested in it. It is true that science is a way of understanding the nature in a pragmatic way. It has helped the mankind in fighting against the forces of nature. Some argue that science is a foundation for students to perceive things going round his milieu and must be made compulsory. On the other hand people argue that science is not everything and there is something beyond it. However, in the final analysis, I feel that taking up of the courses be it science or any, should be left to the discretion of a student and not to be made compulsory.

Education won’t be effective if we require students to take a particular stream they are not interested in. For instance, consider a student who has great aptitude in arts, politics and literature. If he or she is required to take science as a part of the course curriculum it would surely deter his or her performance. Students may even flunk in the exams. They may even get affected psychologically due to stress involved in the academics. On a whole it will ruin the career of the student.

Moreover, it doesn’t benefit the student in an angle. Take for example a student who has a sole ambition of becoming a lawyer. Though he or she is required to study science as a part of the course he or she will never make use of it anywhere in future as his career or job doesn’t desire to do so. In the aforementioned paradigm science and law are on the opposite extremes. There is one more issue out here; students not interested in science never devote their full concentration and time on the subject. They just read for the sake of passing the exams without getting into the pith of the subject.

In sum, it is foolhardy to make science obligatory in all the courses. Science should be required in courses which depend on it. This ensures a healthy education. Students also will have joy in learning because what they are wanting is what they are getting.

[hangptt]

I am afraid that "want" cannot be in form of "V-ing".

 

I am not good at grading essay but in my opinion, your essay can be 4.5-5.0. And be careful with conditional sentence.

[Don_Corleone]

Aveno,

 

The following constitutes my opinion. I sat a GRE a few years back and got a 5 out of 6 for my AWA sections.

 

When critically evaluating an issue I suggest you follow a systematic approach in the form of:

 

Intro: Your stance "I do not agree with the approach... given the following premises 1,2,3 (run through the main points you are going to cover)

Then elaborate on each individual premise systematically:

Premise 1

Premise 2

Premise 3

Premise n

Conclusion: Run through each premise briefly and provide your final stance.

 

Each premise needs to be in a separate paragraph and provide illustrative evidence to add substance to your initial assertion. You somewhat achieve this in your second paragraph. Your premise is that "Education will not be effective", you then provide support for this claim through your views. However, I would concentrate on providing two or three concise examples to support each premise. You seem to "hop" from one reason to the next without too much cohesion.

 

In your second paragraph, "Moreover, it doesn't benefit students in an angle" is not an appropriate way to commence a new paragraph or outline your next premise and, it is a meaningless sentence. You could re-write this as "Furthermore, forcing students with specific career ambitions to study science can have negative effects on their academic performance." You would then provide two or three examples to illustrate this premise.

 

Of course there is no magic formula on how to construct an argument and you can still provide a very effective view without the benefit of this structure. However, having a disciplined approach helps in achieving cohesion and avoids the common pitfalls of drifting and side-tracking from what you really mean.

 

I think it is dangerous to ask non-qualified people (i.e. non GMAT examiners) to grade your essay. My impression is that this essay is only marginally above average. To improve I would suggest that you focus your essay on a few critical points. It is better to have two or three well illiustrated views rather than five or six poorly constructed arguments.

[aveno]

Thanks for your suggestions and u'r valuable time dude. Now, I am

aware where I am committing blunders.

[Don_Corleone]

no problemo, I just hope it helps :)