can anyone rate my issue essay and give suggestions?

[testtaker39]

The essay was timed. I wrote it in 30 minutes. Can you please evaluate the essay and tell me where I made mistakes?

 

The prompt:

 

"A nation should require all of its students to study the same national curriculum until they enter college."

 

 

Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation above and explain your

reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific

circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain

how those examples shape your position.

 

 

My response:

 

Cogitating over the claim by the author that all the students of a nation should study the same national curriculum, I feel that I am not convinced enough to advocate the stand. It may be the case that some vocations need more concentration on some specialized subjects in their potential workers’ curriculum. Again, some countries have a tradition of supporting more emphasized religious teaching for the future religious preachers and people who will get involved in religious teaching.

 

 

First, think about some professions such as nursing, or farming in rural areas. A person going to be farming in rural areas early in their life may not need the same degree of learning in mathematics or physics. Rather it would be advantageous for them if they have some additional elementary subjects relating insecticides, plants and soils.

 

 

Second, in some subcontinental countries, there is a need for people who will call the other people in society for prayers at the right time, conducting religious ceremonies properly, resolving religious disputes and so on. There is no doubt that a relaxation from the national curriculum and concentrating on religious teaching in their curriculum will help the people greatly who wishes to spend their life in dealing with religious matters for their fellow countrymen.

 

 

Again, there may exist some regional culture, history, language and heritage, to be preserved by infusing their lessons into the children of those regions. The best thing to do in this case is adding some subjects that take care of the cultural and language related tradition. Studying the same national curriculum will not be that helpful in this regard.

 

 

Despite all these considerations it cannot be denied that studying the same curriculum will be advantageous in comparing students’ talents when they sit for the same nationwide examination for higher studies or a particular job.

 

 

Considering all the points explained above, I cannot agree with the author fully. In most parts, I support the opposite of the claims. Studying the same curriculum can be of disadvantage to some people. Therefore, I would suggest that a nation should relax in its policy of requiring all its students studying the same curriculum.