Please evaluate my essays, and I'll, in turn, evaluate yours!

[purneshtripathi]

To study the most important characteristics of a society, one must study its major cities.

The most important characteristics of a society are the living conditions of its people, their education, their liberality in thought, freedom of expression, ethnic diversity, acceptance to change etc. These attributes aggregate to create a society. The study of these details requires one to scrutinize the life of common people of the society. These are traits which need to be practically studied; and that, is not possible without careful observation of the people actually experiencing it.

 

 

For studying all important characteristics of the society, surveys will have to be conducted and people will need to be consulted with. These people cannot delineate the important aspects of the section of the society that they are asked about, until and unless they have actually experienced it. If you ask a person who was born and raised in France, about Japan, he will only be able to give you the perception of Japan that he has in his mind. It will, in no form be an accurate measure of the characteristics of Japan. In order to measure the important characteristics of Japanese society, one must study Japanese people their culture, diversity, art forms and that is not something you can do remotely. You'll actually have to go to Japan for that. The same goes for the cities within a nation. A person who has been living in a city all his life, cannot be held accountable for the description he has about other sections of the society. The important aspects of the city life of that society may be delineated well by that person, but city is not the only component of a society.

 

 

It can also be illustrated taking India as an example. For instance, 70% of the total population resides in villages. One cannot account for any of these people despite having studied all major cities. On a slightly different note, there are 22 official languages in the country and less that 22 major cities. Therefore, a student of linguistic characteristics might not even be able to observe all these languages pragmatically. The ethnic diversity existing in India is way more than in many other countries of the world, but in cities people are bound to follow a specific way of life. A very common traditional attire in the Indian Society is "Saree". It is a four yard long piece of cloth without any stitching upon it. Indian women wear it widely but mot Indian women in the cities would prefer not to wear it since it's difficult to handle and can often become a trouble in the fast paced city life. You cannot commute every day in public/private transport wearing a Saree.

 

 

Presented above, was an example of just one country. The phrase "characteristics of a society", comprises all sections of that society. The study of all characteristics of a society is an impossible goal, for a student of restricted sense. One has to reach all sections of the society in order to make a general conclusion about the important characteristics of a society.

[conscientious]

To study the most important characteristics of a society, one must study its major cities.

The most important characteristics of a society are the living conditions of its people, their education, their liberality in thought, freedom of expression, ethnic diversity, acceptance to change etc. These attributes aggregate to create a society. The study of these details requires one to scrutinize the life of common people of the society. These are traits which need to be practically studied; and that, is not possible without careful observation of the people actually experiencing it.

 

 

For studying all important characteristics of the society, surveys will have to be conducted and people will need to be consulted with. These people cannot delineate the important aspects of the section of the society that they are asked about, until and unless they have actually experienced it. If you ask a person who was born and raised in France, about Japan, he will only be able to give you the perception of Japan that he has in his mind. It will, in no form be an accurate measure of the characteristics of Japan. In order to measure the important characteristics of Japanese society, one must study Japanese people their culture, diversity, art forms and that is not something you can do remotely. You'll actually have to go to Japan for that. The same goes for the cities within a nation. A person who has been living in a city all his life, cannot be held accountable for the description he has about other sections of the society. The important aspects of the city life of that society may be delineated well by that person, but city is not the only component of a society.

 

 

It can also be illustrated taking India as an example. For instance, 70% of the total population resides in villages. One cannot account for any of these people despite having studied all major cities. On a slightly different note, there are 22 official languages in the country and less that 22 major cities. Therefore, a student of linguistic characteristics might not even be able to observe all these languages pragmatically. The ethnic diversity existing in India is way more than in many other countries of the world, but in cities people are bound to follow a specific way of life. A very common traditional attire in the Indian Society is "Saree". It is a four yard long piece of cloth without any stitching upon it. Indian women wear it widely but mot Indian women in the cities would prefer not to wear it since it's difficult to handle and can often become a trouble in the fast paced city life. You cannot commute every day in public/private transport wearing a Saree.

 

 

Presented above, was an example of just one country. The phrase "characteristics of a society", comprises all sections of that society. The study of all characteristics of a society is an impossible goal, for a student of restricted sense. One has to reach all sections of the society in order to make a general conclusion about the important characteristics of a society.

 

Thank you for evaluating my argument!

 

I'd say your argument is between a 4 and 5. Your analysis has good grammar and language as well as a well-considered position. However, I think your position could have been clearer in the first paragraph - it wasn't explicitly stated until the last paragraph. Also, it seems there is only one reason for your position (only those who experience it can describe it). I would expect a more thorough analysis would have more reasons supporting the position. Still, your examples supporting that reason are great.

[Holly Spellmann]

Hello there!

 

I would say that your essay read well, it provided an argument and specific support. However, I don't think that it was as clearly linked to the prompt as it could have been. You presented the techniques and things to consider when trying to study the most important characteristics of a society, but it wasn't clearly linked to the strategy of focusing on major cities.

 

It would have been good to include maybe as part of your thesis that people from across every region in a country must be considered- not just from large cities. I think that the biggest hole in the prompt is probably that it ignores rural areas and small towns. You mentioned that people from the region being studied should be considered, but the "large cities" aspect isn't seen as relevant in your essay. I hope that helps.