Please Evaluate My Issue Analysis With Improvement Suggestion

[mustakim]

Last time I have got 3 points on GRE analytical writing, I wish it could be 4. I have registered for another test in next month. I have recently found a tough one issue and writing that here, hoping I will get some important advice from you how could I make my point to 4 instead 3.

 

Topic:

[h=1]question authority. only by questioning accepted wisdom can we advance our understanding of the world[/h]Writing:

Human curiosity is the mother of all invention. From the beginning of the earth, people always looking for answers of their questions arise from their curious mind. However this questioning habit have a massive role to today's modern science, technology and even the society including the culture.

 

 

This could be very confusing how questioning could be so important for these fields. Lets start with today's modern science. When people have questioned to them how the earth would be looks like, few people first state that the earth is flat. So, this pose another question to the curious minds that so how will the end of this flat earth is looking like. People then find out that there is no end of earth, and so there is an axiom had been found that earth is round. So, now it raise another question to people mind, why then we does not fall out as earth is round in shape. A hundreds years after people get the answer that their is a force of earth that keep people in their place over earth, which one mostly known as gravity. And now, using this belief of gravity, people are now traveling the space.

 

 

A few years ago, people does not believe that it is possible to communicate with each other when they are thousands of miles away. Everyone question how it is possible to do such without any media. Then scientist had found the media through which people can share their data, the radio wave. When people found the answer of the question, they then ask how it possible to use it in human communication with ease. Few peoples inevitable wish to look for that answer first give us the radio. Then people though how much small size it could be, they invent the mobile phone then. Now, today's smartphone is the latest technology generating from our question that how much in other cases we can use the mobile phone.

 

 

That's not all, even in case of our society value and culture for a new born baby, questioning is an important factor, like when a children grown up, the child starts to learn the language from their perspective environment. When they learn to talk, they have a lot of question about the society as like why people get angry, why people laught, how people react when they have found themselves rage etc. They pose question like these, get the answer from their parents and learn what to do when, how the society runs. Questioning also build the cultural mentality of adoloscent. They learn what is good or bad, which one is best or worst from their curious mentality.

 

 

So, from every aspect of our concern, questioning is very important one. Today's world will not be in this state if people does not question. People first question themselves and then looking for answer and this cause them to develop themselves from better to best.

[aenneb]

Dear mustakim,

I am sorry that I have to say this, but I think you missed the point of the statement: This is not about asking any question (which would then nicely fit to your chosen topic "curiosity" and also to your examples), but about questioning accepted wisdom = challenging long-held views. Hence, this would rather be less than a 3, I am afraid, as you did not discuss the issue at hand.

Moreover, I would recommend that you try to improve your grammar and sentence construction. Even though I managed to understand what you wanted to say, it was not exactly easy to read the text all the time. Especially: pay attention to the verb forms in the third person singular! (e.g. this questioning habit HAS a massive...)

[mustakim]

Thanks for your reply Aenneb.

I also felt afraid when I was going to post it here that may be I don't understand the topic this time and it really came true.

I also try my best for grammar and truly speaking about the exact problem you have stated here explicitly.

By the way, thanks a lot for your quick response, and I wish you will help me in future too for evaluating myself.