Plz rate my argument and comment on it.

[jcybha]

ARGUE 138.

The following report appeared in a memo from the vice president of the Southside Transportation Authority.

 

"We should abandon our current five-year plan to purchase additional buses to serve the campus of Southside University, because students there are unlikely to use them. Consider the results of the recent campaign sponsored by the Environmental Club at Southside University: in a program on the campus radio station, the club asked students to call in and pledge that they would commute to school by bus instead of by automobile at least one day per week. Only ten percent of the students called in and pledged. In view of the campaign's lack of success, we can assume that the bus service we currently offer will continue to be sufficient to serve the university."

 

 

 

The author concludes that the Southside Transportation Authority should not purchase additional buses because the current bus service will continue to be sufficient to serve the university. To support the conclusion the author points out that a campus radio program recently asked students to commute to school by bus and as a result ten percent of the students called in and pledged. At a glance the author's conclusion seems plausible. However, close scrutiny reveals that the author relies on poor assumptions on several aspects.

 

To begin with, the author assumes that the amount of student who called in and pledged is to small too purchase additional buses to serve the campus. However, the author provides no information about the total number of Southside University's students. Therefore, ten percent of the students might be a great number enough to purchase additional buses to serve. If remain spaces of the current buses currently served are not sufficient for the number of increased students who are willing to commute by bus, they probably have no choice but purchase of additional buses.

 

Secondly, the author relies on an assumption that the results of the recent campaign have shown immediately and this trend will be kept for the next five years. However, it is not probably the case. The results of the recent campaign might take more time to show its effects. It is entirely possible that probably the radio campaign affected lots of student's minds but they cannot afford to commute by bus yet for the several reasons. For instance, some of the students who have commuted by their own bicycles or cars might think they will commute by bus after selling their bicycles or cars and therefore they are just waiting to commute by bus commuting by their bicycles or cars until they can sell these. In this case, the number of students who commute by bus will be gradually increased in the next years and the author’s assumption that the result of the campaign should be shown already is unjustifiable.

 

Thirdly, the author also assumes that the buses they currently serve are enough to serve every student who have used the buses. However, there is no clear evidence that space of the buses was spacious. Perhaps, they are operating only a few number of buses and therefore most of students who have commuted by the buses could feel uncomfortable with the confined spaces. It is entirely possible that, in this case, if they purchase additional buses the number of students who commute by bus will increase.

 

[shutdown]

 

Finally, the assumption that the reasons for the plan the Southside Transportation Authority have decided were only depended on the number of students and other factors seldom contributed to the purchase plan is also unreliable. If the main reason they have decided to purchase more buses was to reduce the high cost for maintaining the buses which have been used for long periods over the buses' recommended life time or was to decrease traffic accidents by exchanging their buses with recent ones equipped cutting-the-edge devices. Both of these scenarios would cast a serious doubt that they should not abandon the plan to purchase additional buses.

 

In sum, the argument is unreliable to me as it stands. To support it the author has to show the increased number of student who commute by bus and show that the result of the campaign already reflects the campaign's effects. Also, clear evidences that there is no more space in the buses they serve and that the reason for the purchase was only for more space should be provided.

[xiqqin]

Firstly,I skipped some small grammar errors and just take some repeating expressions."that space of the buses "I don't know what you mean by this.

Secondly,your essay lacks your own style.Maybe it's not emphersized in Argument,so you can just stick to it.

Thirdly,you are good at making your points clear and finding out errors.

You may try not using the possibilities to support your reasons but commonsense.You may talk more about why students prefer other vehicles than buses.That may not because the service is sufficient but because the service is too bad!

 

:)God bless you

[jcybha]

Thank you so much, xiqqin.

 

It is really helpful to me.