please grade my essay

[leoteo]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Advertising can tell you a lot about a country. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

In the modern society, advertising has become an important part of the media including tv, radio, newspaper and the internet. Advertisements appear everywhere - between programs on tv, or radio; available on websites; even stick on the walls, and supply a variety of information ranging from a moving service to an important economic issue. Despite many contrast ideas, I believe that advertising provides us with lots of knowledge about a country.

To begin with, advertising is varied among countries ,for examples, a japanese may choose a woman in kimono to be the symbol of his product and it may be a cowboy riding a horse with gun in hands if it is an american to choose. In fact, each country has its own traditional costumes and culture which are often shown in its advertisements. Therefore, observing advertisements associated with costums, literature, art and religion of a country may help us get deeper information about a country ‘s tradition.

Moreover, advertisements help us know more about the developing status in a country.Articles about the economy of a country including major industry, employment rate, job opportunity, and living standard are usually available in many sources on the internet or newspaper. These informations are helpful for businessmen to consider their investment and for migrators to select a good place to come to. So the country itsefl will take advantages of advertisements.

In addition, we can also learn much about the splendid landscapes and resorts of a country through advertisements. Those advertisements with touristy purpose aired by the media offer a great deal of photos and videos about the beauty of various places all over the world. These ads tell us how beautiful a country is and foster our desire to explore.

With all the reasons I discuss above, I strongly agree that advertising give us a broad knowledge of a country. In short, advertising helps us know more about a country's tradition, economy and beauty.

this is my first time here . hope you all can help me with this:)

[jediko]

Hi i think i may provide some suggestion about your essay.

 

First is about puncation :

Maybe those sentences can be connected by comma

 

between programs on tv, or radio; available on websites; even stick on the walls, and supply a variety of information ranging from a moving service to an important economic issue.

second some sentences seem too long, you can try to divide them into two short sentences. Like :

 

To begin with, advertising is varied among countries.

For examples, a japanese may choose a woman in kimono as the symbol of his product.

But americans may use a cowboy riding a horse with gun in hand to be the symbol of their product.

I am still working on writing too. hope those can help you a little bit

[leoteo]

oh thank you very much fo ur cm :)

[Alisher]

Hi leoteo,

 

I found your essay very good and interesting to read. You have a couple grammatical errors and a few punctuation errors. You use a great variety of vocabulary with well-structured sentences, pointing out clear links between sentences and paragraphs. I suppose your essay would be rated as 5.0 or 5.5, but for sure not less than 5.0.

 

Kind regards,

Alisher