iELTS ESSAYS CHECKING

[Ming Yi Neo]

Can anybody correct my essay and give me some comments on it?[ATTACH=CONFIG]6965[/ATTACH]

 

According to the chart, by last year, citizens in these 3 countries, Australia, Canada and United Kingdom had purchased variety of items and services via internet. It also showed percentage of consumers from each country purchased certain item or services online clearly.

First of all, the item or service that the highest percentage of consumers from these 3 countries purchased was books. For instance, 65% of consumers from United Kingdom, 45% of consumers each from Australia and Canada bought books online.

However, the lowest number of goods or service bought was toys. As evidence, only around 18% of buyers from United Kingdom, 2% from Australia and 20% from Canada purchased toys via internet last year.

In addition, the greatest number of buyers among these 3 countries used the online buying service was from United Kingdom. For example, for music items, 70% of consumers were from United Kingdom compared to other countries.

On the opposite hand, people from Australia used the online buying service the least as they always occupied the lowest percentage of consumers for most of the items and services. Only about 1% of consumers from Australia bought toys compared to other countries.

On a nutshell, the data concluded that consumers from United Kingdom preferred using online buying service the most compared to people from Australia and Canada . This was because online purchase service was very convenient and time-saving for them.

[Nostril5]

This should get you a 6.5. In general, it is well done, but there are a few obvious errors that are easy to fix.

1. "On the other hand,..."

2. "In a nutshell,..." (However, this phrase is overused. Try another one.)

3. "The United Kingdom" (This is a common trap for task 1.)

4. "The Internet"

5. Other problems with articles are less serious, like " a variety of..", "the percentage of consumers..."

6. A few problems with relative clauses, like "...consumers from each country who purchased..."

the score may seem a bit harsh for a task that has done a good job, but the mistakes (particularly with the linking phrases) are hard to get past. However, you obviously have good ability, so just fix these errors and you will be looking at adding 1.0 to the score!

Mike

[Ming Yi Neo]

Is it meant I would need to minimise my grammatical errors to get a better score for this essay? What is meant by a mistakes hard to get past??

[Ming Yi Neo]

Only the United Kingdom? How about other countries??

[Nostril5]

Hi,

Yes, the grammatical errors are the biggest problem. You do a good job addressing the task and the vocabulary is fine. However, "the mistakes are hard to get past", means that because the grammar mistakes are so basic, examiners will find it hard to give a higher mark.

 

And...other countries that take "the" (and often appear in IELTS) are: the Netherlands, the Philippines, and the United States.

 

Good luck. You are not far from getting a great score in IELTS.