Nostril5

The first problem is that there are no in-text references. Second, do not use an online essay as a source. f i

Hello, Overall, this is a great essay. You answer the question and you know how an essay should look. For a better score, the introduction and conclusion have some obvious mistakes in content. My suggestions are in blue.

This looks like a 5.5. You know what an essay should look like, but your grammar and vocabulary are letting you down. You just need a little more time in a class to iron out some of these problems. Meanwhile, here is an example of a better answer: With the invention of the Internet, there has been a number of benefits and drawbacks to many areas of society. How we relate to each other is one such area that has seen these effects. Perhaps the most common criticism of the Internet is that it makes people antisocial. People often communicate with their friends and family by email, or even posts on social media. This trend has resulted in people feeling that they do not need to make the effort to contact others as a post has been left on a page on the Internet or a message sent. Not only might there be a decline in person-to-person communication, but there may even be less communication, as a post or email once a week can take the place of more regular contact. On the other hand, there are those who argue that the Internet has increased communication between people, and so brought the whole world a little closer. People who meet only once during travels have been known to continue their relationship for years after, due to the convenience of the Internet. They can use social media, email or even face-to-face communication through Skype or FaceTime. Yet this trend is not just for travellers. Friends, family, businesses and even governments use cyberspace as the place where a vast amount of communication takes place. This can only bring us all a little closer. In conclusion, when so many communicate so conveniently, issues can be discussed and problems solved. This can improve our society, both locally and globally. Although some individuals may become less social, and thus more distant, on the whole, people have become closer thought the use of the Internet. pQUOTE=mausy27;1000158]Question: Some people think that the internet has brought people closer together while others think that people and communities are become more isolated. Discuss both sides. It is a belief that the internet whether would be a good thing for people`s life or not. It would be very great for our communication when we are away from our family and friends. However , it would be a problem like making people asocial. This essay will discuss the unimportance of distance when we have internet as a good thing to happen and being an asocial because of internet as a bad thing to happen. Internet is one of the most important things that people ever had. It makes our life more easy to live and more practical. We can talk with our friends and family even when we are not together. This is very useful for people`s living style. The distance wouldn’t be an obstacle for communication. As an example when you go outside of the country, you can talk with your family by skype or face time and you can also chat with them whenever you want. However, of course there are some side effects too. It is now very popular to hear that kids are addicted to computers. The thing which make the addiction is the internet. Internet makes children life very asocial. Parents are not happy about this situation and they usually decide to threat their children with not using the internet. This makes kids go mad and it creates a lot of relationship problems between children and parents. To conclude, people should use the internet under control and parent should be more careful about the relationship between their kids and them.

Hello, The introduction is a 7.0. Good phrases and few simple grammar mistakes. Very nice. The rest should get you a 6.0 (so the whole essay looks like a 6.0). The structure and task achievement are fine, but you grammar and vocabulary are not great. 'Therfore' is used incorrectly for its meaning and 'due to' is incorrect in grammar. You also use absolutes like 'we do not care about anything' and 'it is proven that', which are difficult to use for academic writing. Look up hedging or tentative language on academic writing websites for more appropriate phrases. There are a number of other grammar mistakes, but you look like you have studied academic writing and would be suitable for undergraduate study. i hope this helps. Mike

Hi, This looks like a 6.5 to a low 7.0 or higher in India and Pakistan:) The grammar has some simple mistakes with grammar (articles, gerunds, subject-verb agreement, although + however,...) and the length shows a lack of control (400+ words). Shorter introductions and conclusions will get you closer to 300 - 350, which will make native-speaker examiners happier. also, for a higher score, you will need to focus more on smoking in offices and public places. This essay is more about smoking in general. overall, you have some nice vocabulary and good structure, but focus on task achievement and simple grammar to improve your score. i hope this helps. mike

The introduction looks Ok, but you focus on mobile phones too much. The next paragraph is poor. You repeat the word 'increase' too much. Use a range of vocabulary. You also give no numbers. The next paragraph is slightly better. The conclusion is ok, but 'twice bigger' is incorrect. You should get a 6.0 for this. The good news is that your grammar is quite good. If you change your strategy and use a variety of vocabulary, a 7.0 should be very easy to achieve. I hope this helps. Mike

The introduction looks good and would get you an 8.0! The 'against' paragraph is not so good. It looks more like a 6.0 to 6.5. Thee are some basic grammar problems (are tend to, the rest of people...) and the logic is poor. Your idea of social isolation is supported clumsily then you add 'adult content' almost as an after thought. The 'for' paragraph looks like a 6.5 to 7.0. The grammar is better, but...The topic sentence is awful: 'Further...' Is not used when you have a contrasting paragraph and then you concentrate on Facebook, when the essay should be about (all) social networks. The last sentence would be better used to support the second point. The conclusion is difficult to mark. A 6.0 for some examiners, because it says nothing and looks formulaic. However, if the body paragraphs were better, this might be overlooked (You only have 250 words to play with). overall, this essay looks like a 6.5 to 7.0. If you did this in a rush, spend more time writing a plan before you begin. With your language, you can get a much higher score. Regards, Mike

This should get you a 6.0. Please let me know if you got higher or lower. The structure is very good and the question is answered quite well. The grammar and vocabulary are the main problems here. Question: Parents should encourage their children to play outdoor sports instead of computer games. Do you agree or disagree. Give reasons and examples of your experience. Ans: There is no doubt that children (are seem to spend plenty of) spend a great deal of time daily using computers. Though some people place emphasis on the children's efficiency of using advanced technology , it is agreed that the parents should motivate (young starts) youngsters to engage (with) in outdoor activities rather than indoor sports. The reasons behind this view will be illustrated in the following discussion. As you can see, even in one paragraph there are so many simple mistakes. The solution? Practice with a tutor. A lot of these mistakes are just bad habits, which can easily be identified and eliminated with a few months of regular practice. Good luck. Mike

I am guess ing that you got a 6.5 for your writing? (Please tell me if I am wrong.) the problems are: "My opinion obeys three reasons." Is a bad translation from your language. "The reasons for and against physical education will be discussed in this essay." would be better. The body paragraphs are all advantages. Your third body paragraph could discuss the argument against the topic (which you introduce in your conclusion) and finish with a refutation (why this argument is not strong). the conclusion introduces al lot of new ideas (a 'sin' in academic writing). A quick summary, then your thesis statement, will get you a better score. A final comment to follow that would get you closer to an 8.0. These issues are all just style. Your grammar and vocabulary are good enough for a 7.5, so look at 'essay structure' in IELTS and university websites. Even if you got the score you required, this will help you greatly when you study overseas. Regards, Mike

A recent announcement has been made on the part of the related authorities that starting the upcoming academic year, the GPA of the high-school students would be a decisive factor for them to make a progress academically. Experts are of the belief that facilities should be made available for the students in order for them to approach success. They believe measures should be taken by the government to provide schools with the essential requirements such as libraries and sufficient learning kits. The consensus on the other hand is that the government plays no important role in an individual’s success and that perseverance is all it takes for the children to make leaps. It is actually due to the fact that it has been proven that hard work finally pays off. Having discussed the matter from different angles and dimensions one comes to the understanding that hard working and availability of necessary stuff are directly associated with one another. For instance studying hard has no result if one suffers lack of auxiliary books at school. I firmly believe that so many factors are needed to make a winner out of high-school and the most important one is being able to focus on your future and therefore ignoring every other distraction that comes along the way. This may come a bit too hard, but if you saw the bigger picture it would lessen the pain. So..this looks like a strong 6.0. The vocabulary is mixed. Some words are informal and the lack of any hedging is strange. The grammar is good. The task achievement is so-so. This is mostly due to the way your paragraphs are organised. The structure is not great. Overall, a 7.0 is very close for you. A bit of study will help and also make your life at university less of a nightmare (You will know what I mean after your first semester:disgust:) Mike

I think you are asking how to know what kind of essay you need to write (?). Anyway, if you are, the key is to look for 'task words'. If you know these words, you will know the type of essay you need to write. So, 'Discuss' means you will present both sides of an argument and maybe have a thesis. '(To what extent) Do you agree/ disagree.' Will be similar, but you will need a thesis. 'why', 'reasons' means you need to say the causes. 'What does...result in', 'problems' means you need to explain the problems/effects 'solutions' 'solve' means you need to write bout solutions the most common task 2 essays are 'discuss', 'agree/disagree' and 'problem/solution. However, you can also be skied to 'discuss' and Los have. 'Solution'. Be flexible, practice lots of essay types and do what the questions ask you to do:) I hope this helps. Mike

This should get you 5.5. Everything looks ok, except for the grammar. For example: "It is commonly believed that how people wear clothes has a strong bond with the amount of their credibility, Therefore, It is so vital to be well dressed and taking pride in our appearance. Take job interview as an example, somebody who is a fashion icon and know how to dress for the occasion, absolutely will have a very superb first impression on the interviewer, and definitely can have a better chance to get the job." ...should be... It is commonly believed that how people wear clothes has a strong correlation with their credibility, Therefore, it is vital to be well dressed and take pride in our appearance. Take a job interview as an example. Somebody who is a fashion icon and knows how to dress for the occasion, will make a superb first impression on the interviewer, and definitely have a better chance to get the job. The mistakes are major, but fixable. Go to a local school and study hard. If you arrive in a Western university with these grammar mistakes, life will be hard. A few months of study will set you up for easy years ahead! I hope this helps. Mike

The introduction looks good. The first two sentences of the first body paragraph are poor. They say nothing. Look up 'topic sentences' on the Internet for more information. The next paragraph is much better; however, 'kids' is very informal. The third body paragraph also should have a stronger topic sentence, e.g. 'A balance between free play and homework would seem to be the best approach for children.' Then you can talk about timetables. The conclusion is good. Overall, this looks like a low 7.0. To guarantee this score (or higher), write better topic sentences. Mike

Hi, This looks like a mix of scores!

Hi, Yes, the grammatical errors are the biggest problem. You do a good job addressing the task and the vocabulary is fine. However, "the mistakes are hard to get past", means that because the grammar mistakes are so basic, examiners will find it hard to give a higher mark. And...other countries that take "the" (and often appear in IELTS) are: the Netherlands, the Philippines, and the United States. Good luck. You are not far from getting a great score in IELTS.