Please rate and grade my writing task 2 essay

[Hsinang]

Convenience foods will become increasigly prevalent and eventually replace traditional foods and traditioanal methods of food prepration.

to what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

 

 

Some people think that the convenience foods will become prevalent more and more everyday and eventually they will replace traditional foods and traditional methods of food preparation. I am going to discuss that is unlikely to happen.

 

After the Industrial revolation, time became the new instrument for measuring the productivty and it become more important in people's daily life. Becasue of lack of time, people have started to have less spare time than they used to, sleep less than they used to and spend less time for their eating habits than they used to. Today convenience foods are the great time savers for the people and because of this, convenience foods become more prevalent than they had never been before. People who are working and studying usually don't have enough time and energy to prepare a traditional breakfast or a dinner and convenience foods are very effective for them. The best example for how convenience foods change our eating habits is breakfast serials. In last 20 years the consumption of breakfast serial per person in a day in USA rose from 12 grams to 25 grams. That shows us people don't spent time for eating and preparing breakfasts like they used to.

 

On the other hand, food is the biggest part of many cultures and leaving behind the old habits is not easy as it seems. Even the convenience foods are great time savers if a convenience food is not fit a country's cuisine it will probably have a limited effect on changing the eating habits. For example in Italy, some international companies have started to sell Korean noodles and ramens which artifically modified with italian tastes. Even though they are cheaper and more easy to prepare than the italian pasta, traditional italian pasta is still the market's leader.

 

Another reason which stops the convenience foods replacing traditional foods and traditional methods of food preparation is the health issues. As a well known fact, most of the convenience foods are unhealty and consuming that type of food for a long period can cause many disesaes like diabetes, obesity or cardiovasculer diseases.

 

Overall, because of the traditional eating and food preparation habits based on the culture in many countries and obvious health concerns, even though the convenience foods are very easy to prepare and artifically teasty, it is not seem to be possible to have a great impact on people's eating and food preparation habits.

[Pete J]

Convenience foods will become increasigly prevalent and eventually replace traditional foods and traditioanal methods of food prepration.

to what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

 

 

Some people think that the convenience foods will become prevalent more and more everyday and eventually they will replace traditional foods and traditional methods of food preparation. I am going to discuss that is unlikely to happen.

 

Hi Hsinang,

 

The first thing I noticed about your writing was that you have separated your ideas into clear paragraphs and that you have stated your opinion clearly in the introduction and conclusion.

 

I then noticed, however, that you have copied large parts of the actual writing task in your first paragraph, i.e. you have haven't written the first sentence of your introduction in your own words. You copied '...convenience foods will become... prevalent and eventually... replace traditional foods and traditional methods of food preparation.'

 

If you do this in the real IELTS Writing test, you may lose marks as the examiner will not count the parts you have copied.

 

Here's how you could have paraphrased the topic of the writing task:

Some people think that convenience foods such as ready meals will become more and more common and that people will cook traditional foods less often than they do now.

 

To give yourself the best chance of getting the band score you need in your IELTS Writing test, make sure you write the introduction in your own words.

 

Good luck,

 

Pete

[Hsinang]

Hi Hsinang,

 

The first thing I noticed about your writing was that you have separated your ideas into clear paragraphs and that you have stated your opinion clearly in the introduction and conclusion.

 

I then noticed, however, that you have copied large parts of the actual writing task in your first paragraph, i.e. you have haven't written the first sentence of your introduction in your own words. You copied '...convenience foods will become... prevalent and eventually... replace traditional foods and traditional methods of food preparation.'

 

If you do this in the real IELTS Writing test, you may lose marks as the examiner will not count the parts you have copied.

 

Here's how you could have paraphrased the topic of the writing task:

Some people think that convenience foods such as ready meals will become more and more common and that people will cook traditional foods less often than they do now.

 

To give yourself the best chance of getting the band score you need in your IELTS Writing test, make sure you write the introduction in your own words.

 

Good luck,

 

Pete

 

 

Thank you sir I will keep that in my mind. I will rewrite some senteces with my own words for practice. Can you tell me is it good enoughfor 6 ?

[Pete J]

Thank you sir I will keep that in my mind. I will rewrite some sentences with my own words for practice. Can you tell me is it good enough for 6 ?

 

Hi Hsinang,

 

To get a band score 6.0 or above for your writing in Task 2, you need to do the following:

 

• answer all parts of the question(s)
  
• organise your ideas clearly, separate your ideas into paragraphs, and use some different linking words/phrases (e.g. 'on the other hand' and 'for example') correctly
  
• use enough vocabulary to express your ideas without making a mistake that can cause a misunderstanding
  
• use some complex grammar without making more than one or two mistakes that make it difficult for the reader to understand what you mean
  

You can see the official IELTS band score descriptors for IELTS Writing Task 2 on the official IELTS website here.

 

You should also check out my blog post 'How not to write an introduction in IELTS Writing Task 2' here.

 

Pete