when ppl succeed its hard work. plz rate and correct my essay

[fr111]

“When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success”.

Do you agree or disagree with the quotation above? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your position.





When people succeed it is not only because of hard work but luck also plays an equal part in the success of a person. Therefore I disagree with the above quotation that luck has nothing to do with the success of a person. Here are a few arguments from me for this.



I’ve seen many persons and also I give my own example, that when I study too hard, all the night, do nothing else, just studies, I don’t get good marks as I should get. In spite of the fact that I do very well in my exams. And I think luck plays a vital role in it. It might be because of the fact that my teachers do strict marking the time when I take my exam or they might not check my paper carefully or give me the marks of someone else’s.



But it also happens with me and with other persons that when we don’t study too hard, we get good marks in our exams unexpectedly. Because this time the teachers might become lenient in marking the sheets. This is not only the case with studies but with everything that we do in our life, may it be study, office work, our career or something else, luck plays a very much prominent role in our success. Here is a true example of my friend. She applied for a job for which she thought that she was not well qualified, and then she forgot about that because she thought that she might not get the call from them. But one day she got a call from that job for interview, she gave the interview and was selected for that job. Later on she came to know that there were a very few candidates who applied for that job and among them she was more qualified than them.



So in my opinion luck plays a very key and prominent role in our life for success. Not only hard wok is necessary to succeed but also good luck is necessary.

[LouisLin]

suggestions:
1.You have to control grammars accurately.
2.Try to use simple sentence to express your ideas, If you are unfamiliar with grammars, please avoid using a lot of prepositional phrases, relative clauses and conjunctions in your composition. It will result in the fact that your readers are confused in your composition.
3.I guess this essay will score 4.0

[QUOTE=fr111]
“When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success”.Do you agree or disagree with the quotation above? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your position.

When people succeed, it is not only because of hard work but luck also plays an equal part in the success of a person. Therefore, I disagree with the above quotation that luck has nothing to do with the success of a person. Here are a few my arguments [from me] for this.
[ok]

I’ve seen many persons examples and [also] I also give my own examples[,] [that] When I only study all the night with doing nothing else, [too hard, all the night, do nothing else, just studies,] I don’t get good marks as reward[I should get]. In spite of the fact that I am deligent [do very well] in my exams, [And] I think luck plays a vital role in it[vagueness, please try to write more detailed]. [It might be because of the fact that]Maybe I have too little time which my teacher give me to finish my exam [my teachers do strict marking the time when I take my exam] or maybe they [might not] don't check my paper carefully or maybe teachers give me the marks which is someone's [of someone else’s].
[good point but your expression need to polish]



But it also happens to[with] me and to[with] other persons that when we don’t study too hard, we get good marks in our exams unexpectedly. Because [this time] the teachers might become lenient in marking the sheets. This is not only the case of[with] studies but of[with] everything that is related to[we do in] our life[, may it be]such as study, office work, our career or something else.[,] Luck plays a [very much]extremely prominent role in our successes. Here is a true example of my friend. [She applied for a job for which she thought that she was not well qualified, and then she forgot about that because she thought that she might not get the call from them.-This example may be really good, but your expression is really bad. Please try to use simple sentence to express your thoughts. I am totally confused in your chaotic sentence patterns ] But one day she got a call from that job for interview, she gave the interview and was selected for that job. Later, [on] she came to know that there were a [very] few candidates who applied for that job, [and among them] she was more qualified than other candidates [them].
[This example is pretty good]

So in my opinion, luck plays a very key[important] [and prominent] role in our [lives for] successes. [Not only hard wok [is] necessary to succeed but also good luck is necessary.-wrong grammatical sentence, please modify]
[QUOTE]