karin Posted January 8, 2006 Share Posted January 8, 2006 You have enough money to purchase either a house or a business. Which would you choose to buy? Give specific reasons to explain your choice. If I had enough money to purchase a business or a house, I, without any doubt, would buy a house. For me to see my children happy and safe is the first priority. I can raise my children in a peaceful place which is our house and I can also save the money I use to pay for renting a place, and I can take care of my old parents in my house rather than putting them in a seniority place. When I have my own house, I won’t be worry to find a place for my children. They are 8 and 6 . They need a place to live in and play in freely without being worry to not bother our neighbors. Now I live in a small rental apartment and we should always be careful to not make too much noise otherwise we will be kicked out by the manager of the building. In my house there is no reason to be worry about. Having my own house means I don’t need to pay a big money to the owner every month. I can save that money for my children’s college tuition and sometimes we can afford for a vacation that I can’t afford it with this my part time job. I can also give my children the chance to have their favorite toys and to do their favorite entertainment such as going to the movies and so on. If I buy my own house, I would have enough room to share with my old parents. On the other hand, when I have my parents in my house I don’t need to put my children in a daycare which is also a kind of saving money. However, I believe the best persons in taking care of children after the biological parents are their grand parents. I know they are the best teachers for my children when I am away from home for work.Moreover it’s a pleasure for them to live with their only daughter and their grandchildren. In sum up although with a business you can make more money, but for me the childhood period are the most important part of my kids’ life and I don’t want to see them limited and unhappy by living in a small apartment in a crowded, unsafe neighborhood. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lukas Posted January 8, 2006 Share Posted January 8, 2006 You have enough money to purchase either a house or a business. Which would you choose to buy? Give specific reasons to explain your choice. If I had enough money to purchase a business or a house, I, without any doubt, would buy a house. For me to see my children happy and safe is the first priority. I can raise my children in a peaceful place which is our house and I can also save the money I use to pay for renting a place, and I can take care of my old elderly parents in my house rather than putting them in a seniority place nursing home. When I have my own house, I won’t be need to worry to find a place for my children. They are 8 and 6 (years old). They need a place to live in and play in freely without being worryied to not about bothering our neighbors. Now I live in a small rental apartment and we shouldmust always be careful to not make too much noise otherwise we will be kicked out by the manager of the building. In own my house there is no reason to be worryied about. Having my own house means I don’t need to pay a big a lot of money to the owner every month. I can save that money for my children’s college tuition and sometimes we can afford for a vacation that I can’t afford it with this my part time job. I can also give my children the chance to have their favorite toys and to do their favorite entertainment such as going to the movies and so on. ("and so on" is bad style. If you have more to write, write it, otherwise don't.) If I buy my own house, I would have enough room to share with my old elderly parents. On the other hand, when I have my parents in my house I don’t need to put my children in a daycare which is also a kindway of saving money. However, I believe the best persons in taking care of children after the biological parents are their grand parents. I know they are the best teachers for my children when I am away from home for work.Moreover it’s a pleasure for them to live with their only daughter and their grandchildren. In sum upTo sum it up, although with a business you can make more money, but ("although" and "but" mean the same. use only one or the other in one sentence) for me the childhood period are is the most important part of my kids’ children's life and I don’t want to see them limited and unhappy by living in a small apartment in a crowded, unsafe neighborhood. 6 for the structure 4.5 for the English. Most of your sentences are ok; some sound a bit funny though. I'm not sure if you should rather be writing in conditional all the time ("I could raise my children in a peaceful place which is our house and I could also save the money I would otherwise use...") You could also use some more linking words (TOEFL "experts" seem to like them), especially to start a new paragraph. Look up how to use "to worry" properly. Two more things that are easy to pay attention to: 1. Don't use short forms: don't do not, can't cannot, won't would not, etc. 2. Don't use colloquial terms: kids children (I think you only did it with that one word, but it's good to keep in mind anyway.) Over all this is quite a good essay. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karin Posted January 9, 2006 Author Share Posted January 9, 2006 Lucas, Thank you so much!I can't agree more about your critiques.I should have written more formal. I wonder if I will be able to prepare for the writing part of iBT in one month(my test is on Feb.11th).However,I will do my best. Good luck to you too! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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