Good morning Azi ,
Let me go straight to the point. Your essay has a very clear structure (which I love); and IMO, all of the three reasons are very valid points. What you need to watch out for is some grammar and phrasing mistakes. And one thing I want to note is your being a little bit too sure when using comfirmative sentences. When the topic asks "why...", I think you should answer with "maybe because..." instead of "IS because...". Especially in this case, since you cannot read people's mind, I feel such sentences as the opening sentences in paragraphs 2 and 3 are too confirmative and might invite doubts from the readers.
Overall, yours is a very good essay by ideas. I do think if you be more careful interms of phrasing and waive the them together more smoothly, you'll be sure to get a 5.5-6.0 for these ideas. But for now, I think it will get a 4.5/6.0.
Best of the best to you,
Originally Posted by Azi