oxidejo

Dear perelizer: I made some comments on your work. As Jean & Walter already mentioned in his or her comments, I think your line of reasonings are very similar and it seems that you have tried to protract the sentences appears to be long enough for TWE. You should have clear ideas and examples to support your ideas. I would give you 3.5 for this essay. I hope you find this useful. Cheers, oxidejo ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The question whether parents are the best teachers has often been asked. In my opinion, parents are the best teachers and they teach their children things that can only be learned at home, such as how to behave, and what is wrong and what is right, and of course give their children good advices which are based upon their own experience[J1] in life[J2] . The main reason for my view is that through all the stages of growing[J3] the parents teach their children things, which later on help them to get along[J4] in a society. For example, the parents teach their children when they are born how to walk and talk, then how to behave in a society and what is wrong to do and what is right to do[J5] . Without the parents teaching their children these important things that iI have written above,[J6] the children would not have known how to behave properly in a society. Another reason for my view is that the things that the parents teach their children are related to their own experience and their own mistakes. Specifically, iI used to relay on what my parents told me because iI knew that they want only the best for me and that they have already experienced with these kinds of problems[J7] . Some might argue that it is better for children to learn on their own experience and not go to their parents[J8] . However, the children will have lots of opportunities to deal with things their own way, so whenever one of the parents has already experienced with something that the child could only benefit from, iI suggest that the child would go and ask his parent for an advice[J9] . Admittedly, some might say that the best teachers they had were in school, college or university. Yet, what the children learn in school is not close to what children learn form their parents. The knowledge the children acquire from their parents has a lot more added value than what they learn form their teachers. I, for example, see my teachers as persons who provided me knowledge about certain subjects. However, my parents gave me things that are beyond specific knowledge on something, such as how to be morale, how to be a good person, and how to know how to behave. [J10] and so on.[J11] In conclusion, iI think that most of the children will agree with me that the people who most taught them about life were their parents and not someone else. I think that because children admire their parents so much, they are willing to learn from their mistakes as much as possible. Also[J12] In addition, children learn from their parents things that can not be learned in any other places, such as how to behave and what is right and what is wrong and so on. [J13] [J1]This sentence is so long that confuse me. I think it is better to split into two sentences. [J2]Not necessary [J3]Of whom? [J4]Note usage. [J5]You already mentioned these in your introductory. You at least need to paraphrase these. [J6]This is unnecessarily long. You may want to revise this. [J7]This is vague please specify. [J8]What do you mean by this? [J9]This is too long and confuses me a lot. I think you need to break this down. [J10]You need to provide an example for this. [J11]This is not good to use in an academic writing. [J12]In addition would be the better choice for an academic writing. [J13]Again the exact same lists that you have used before.

Dear perelize: Thank you very much for your valuable input and your commens were very helpful when I rewrite an essay on this topic, which I posted not long ago. I will give my comments on your work later tonight for paying back your favor. Cheers, oxidejo

Dear fellows: I wrote this in 30 min with the random topic with a TWE simulator just like the test after answering PP. Would you please evaluate this essay and comments on what to improve for obtaining 6 on TWE? Thank you very much in advance. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- 102. Schools should ask students to evaluate their teachers. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. School days in human life are one of the most valuable moments for it allows people to expand their intellectual power and to learn about the society. Teachers in every type of school such as pre-schools, high schools, and even university, play a crucial role for their students to become eligible social members. They should be able to meet the demands of students in the sense of academic knowledge and morality. Hence, the evaluation of teachers is not something optional, but something should take place no matter what. For the most effective evaluation, I strongly believe that students should be a part of the evaluation process because they are the ones who know their teachers are eligible to teach them. One of the most important duties for teachers in school is that they should be able to teach students. In other words, they should be intellectually eligible to teach. If teachers are not helpful in enhancing the intellectual ability of students, then they are not entitled to be a teacher in the first place. However, the proper evaluation of teaching school can only be evaluated by students not by other people such as principals or other teachers in the school. If students are not involved in the process of teacher evaluation, then the teaching ability of a bad teacher could not be properly evaluated. This poorly performed evaluation will make students suffer for their entire academic life. For instance, I knew a teacher from my senior high school, who used a teaching material from twenty years ago. Of course, his class was one of the most boring classes. However, my school did not have the system that students can participate in the teacher evaluation. Not long ago, I met a person who recently graduated from the same school. He told me that the teacher still use the same material. Another important quality of being good teachers is that they should lead their students by examples. This can also be only viewed objectively by the eyes of students which are why students should be a part of the evaluation process of their teacher. Some teachers say one thing and do another, for example. One of my high school friends told me a story about one of his teachers. He used to talk about how important it is to maintain the high moral standard. However, he was a notorious teacher who would take a bribe from the parents of students by promising he would give special care for the parents' son. These kinds of behavior are certainly harmful for students and should be eliminated in school. This would be possible by including the students in the evaluation of teachers. In sum, school should allow students to evaluate their teachers because they are the ones who can see how good the teachers are in the closest possible ways. In addition, they are the ones who are mostly affected by those mischievous teachers.

Dear fellows: I rewrote this essay based on your comments. I tried to improve this as much as I could. Would you please make some comments on this work? I would be really appreciated with any comments. Thank you, in advance. Some people prefer to watch movies in a theater. Other people prefer to stay home and watch movies on video. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. Not very long ago, I saw a new that Star Wars Episode III caused significant economic loss in the United States because a lot of people even give up their jobs to watch the movie. Some of those eager movie goers practically stayed in front of the theater for about a month to obtain the ticket. Aside from the excessively obsessed fans for some particular movies, watching movie is without a doubt one of the most favorite pastimes of people in modern society. People watch movies either in a theater or at home on video. Many people go to theater with their date, friends, and family to enjoy their personal time. Although I am aware of the benefits of watching a flick in a cinema such as the big screen and realistic sound system, I personally prefer to watch movies at home by myself because I can manage my personal time more wisely and appreciate the movie itself better. People would save a lot of time by watching movie at their home. This is one of the most significant benefits that people would have. If people want to watch a movie in a theater, they would have to spend much extra time aside from watching movie itself. First, they would have to find other people to watch together. Of course, people can go to a theater by themselves, but people in general do not want to watch a flick alone because it is considered a bit pathetic unless they have a special reason such as for their research project. Once they find other people to watch together, they now have to set the schedule and need to acquire the tickets. This would take much time because each person would have different schedule. Even if they found the people, set the schedule, and obtained the tickets they would like to watch, they would still need to fight with the traffic to arrive to the theater on time and wait until the move starts. However, if a person wants to watch a movie at his or her home, then the only time the person has to spend is to pick a movie to watch. Therefore, watching movie alone at home would save much time and I would certainly choose to watch it on video because I am a person who values the time most. Watching movies on video would allow people to understand about the movie better than watching it in the theater because people can stop and rewind whenever they do not understand the plot of the story or did not hear what the actors or actress said. In a movie, the directors use many symbols that foreshadow the development of the story and that allow people to appreciate the movie better such as the colors of clothing the main characters wearing. Unfortunately, people without a doubt cannot understand every thing about a movie one hundred percent when they watch it for the first time because those subtle symbols are not easy to catch at the first time and often because they miss some specific parts of a movie while they talk to their companions in a movie theater. In addition, there are some other distractions in cinema such as some lousy customers who care less about other people. Once, I went to see a movie “Star Wars: Episode III”. I was so made because of those who would talk on the phone during the movie and who constantly discuss about the previous scene of it throughout the whole movie. On the other hand, people are less likely to be distracted from the movie if they watch a flick at their home. Even if there are some other distractions such as visiting from an unexpected person or phone calls from friends, all they have to do is to press the pause button and restart the movie after taking care of the distractions so they would most likely appreciate the movie the better. As a person who enjoys watching movie to relieve the stress from the hectic routines, I think seeing a movie should let people to enjoy their time while they are watching not to be another source of stress. I would certainly enjoy a movie home more with wearing informal clothing with pop-corn and drinks on my cozy couch than wasting my time to set up a schedule, fighting with traffic, and having difficulties to appreciate the movie because of those who care less about manners in public place.

Dear proxer: I made some comments on this work as well. I still believe that you have the same problems that I mentioned in the previous comments. I would give you 3.5 to 4 for this essay. cheers, oxidejo ------------------------------------------------------------------ Effects of climate or weather on people compel[J1] some of them to live in places that have same weather or climate all year long since compel others to live in contrast places[J2]. As I do not like winter and because of some other resonsreasons, I prefer to live in a country where has same climate, - especially summer climate all the time - everytime. The other reasons why do I prefer to live in countries which have the same weather conditions are buying one type of clothes for all season, my health condition requires summer climate, and being my profession successful only in summer season.[J3] Let's explain these reasons more fully.[J4] First, if the climate of country we live in is the same all year along, for example it is summer climate, then we do not need to buy winter clothes which are more expensive then clothes worn in summer. Thus, it prevents us to spend more money for our clothes. Moreover if we like to wear summer clothes as do I[J5]. Second, some people needs to live in places where the climate is same all year long. Reason for this would be their health condition. For example my uncle lives in South Africa because of illness that becomes worse in cold environment in other word in winter. [J6] Third, as I am biologist and my research area is butterflies life I need summer climate to achieve my goals[J7]. Similarly some people's profession needs constant climate or weather condition and if they want to do their job successfully they have to live in places that have the same weather or climate all year long. In conclusion, as I like summer and as I like to wear T-shirt, I prefer to live in places that have the sunny weather and summer climate all year long. Moreover people prefer to live places that have the same weather or climate all year long because of their profession, their health status. ------------------------------------------------------------------ [J1]Note usage. I think the choice of the verb is not appropriate. [J2]This does not make sense. [J3]I had hard time understanding this sentence. I think you need to revise this sentence. [J4]Again, I am almost certain this is not good for TWE. [J5]This is incomplete thought. [J6]However, you do not have an illness that require you to stay in the summer season, right? In that case, I think this does not support your stance. [J7]Which is? Please be more specific.

Dear proxer: Thank you for your comments and generosity on the score. Your criticism is well taken. FYI, I wrote this in 30 min and that is one of the reasons that I have many typos and grammatical errors. Cheers, oxidejo

Dear proxer: I made some comments on your work. Although I am not that experienced to evaluate your essay, I would say that you would have hard time acquring high score for this essay. As far as I know, paraphrasing sentences with various vocabularies and styles is very important in TWE. In that repect, your essay lacks in variety. In addition, in order to make your essay pursuasive, you need to provide detailed spportings for your argument. Your essay lacks in that repect as well. I hope you find my comments useful. Cheer, oxidejo ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Some people say that it is better for children to grow up in the countryside while others say that it is better for children to grow up in a big city.[J1] As for me, I say that it is better for children to grow up in a big city[J2] , because of some reasons such as social, educational, multi cultural, and linguistic[J3] . Let's [dwell][J4] on each reason giving some examples.[J5] Firstly, when a child grow up in a big city, a child can attend every type of social courses including music, sport and computer courses. For example as I grew up in a big city I attended computer course. These courses enrich the child sociologically.[J6] Secondly, in a big city, children have enough educational opportinutiesopportunities in schools and course centers. In other words, in schools and course centers there are many research labarotorieslaboratories such as computer labaratorylaboratory, biology labaratorieslaboratories where they can find all equipment relevant to subjects they want to learn. [J7] Thirdly, because of foreigners come from different countries, children can find opportinutiesopportunities to learn different cultures and languages. For instant, one of my friendfriends comes from France. Therefore I understand frenchFrench culture and also I can speak in French. In conclusion, I disagree with that it is better for children grow up in the coutrysidecountryside. However, children can learn more in a big city then in a countrysidecountryside. [J1] You need to paraphrase the topic given. Just writing the same thing as the topic give would do no good for your score. [J2] Refer to the previous comment. [J3] These are all adjectives. You need nouns. [J4] Note usage. [J5] I think this style is inappropriate for TWE. [J6] What the computer course has to do with enriching the child sociologically? [J7] 1st and 2nd paragraph describe the same idea. They should be merged.

011. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Universities should give the same amount of money to their students’ sports activities as they give to their university libraries. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. People go to universities with their own expectations. Some would want to study a specific field such as science or literature. Some would want to experience the school life and enjoy the interactions among group of people. Others want to do sports activities. However, one of the main reasons for people to choose to pursue the higher education is study which require as many as books possible. When universities plan the budget for the expense, they should allocate more money for their university libraries because it would be what the most tuition providers, students, wants and what the rest of the world value on the good university. Many portion of budget that universities spend are come from the tuitions that students pay. Hence, universities should provide what students want. The money payers of course would like to see that their money serve for their best interests. It is obvious that students desire different things. Literature, science, and engineering major students would like to study their subject further in depth. In order to accomplish that they would need as many books as possible. The number of students in most universities in the world is the most in literature, engineering, and science. Thus, the number of college students who want their money to spend for their library would outnumber the number of those who want their money to use for the sport facilities. As one of the duties for budget planner for universities should not forget what their students want the most. Possessing many books is one of the important factors for universities to be worldly famous. As universities in modern society exhibit the business nature in which they want to attract the better students all around the world, having many books in their school libraries is certainly an important reason for them to spend their money on improving their university libraries, especially on expanding the number of books they possess. For instance, it is no question that Harvard University is one of the best universities in the United States and the world. The reason being would be the students and the faculties who go there. One of the main reasons for students to choose is its university libraries, known as the university having the most number of books in the world. The university budget planners would like to want to plan wisely because it not only proves their capability as budget planners but also affects students’ lives in their university time. Most students would want the university to spend their money for libraries. By spending money for libraries would attract quality students. Therefore, universities should allocate more budgets for school libraries than for students’ sports activities.

Dear komial21, I am confused about your comment. What do you mean by funny essay? Would you please clarify for me? oxidejo,

Dear hangptt: As you noticed, I have not had time to read my essay again. Your criticism is well taken and I will try not to make the same mistakes next time. Thanks, hangtt. Cheers, oxidejo

Dear fellows: Any criticism would be welcomed so please jot down your opinions about this piece of essay. Special attention for indian friends in this forum. I used an example of an indian guy that I knew from my past experience. I totally understand his stance, but that was the only example that I could think of. I have no intention to be disrespectful for the custom he was holding so please do not be offened by my essay. Thanks Cheers, oxidejo 109. When people move to another country, some of them decide to follow the customs of the new country. Others prefer to keep their own customs. Compare these two choices. Which one do you prefer? Support your answer with specific details. In modern society, immigrant is not as rare as it was. For example, my parent does not know anyone who moved to other countries in their life, but I know more than tem people even though I am a lot younger than my parents are. Many people choose to immigrate to other country because they want better jobs or to have better opportunity for achieving their goal. In order to achieve what they want in other countries, I think they need to adjust themselves to the customs of the new country because it will help them to have better chance of succeeding their goal. The success of the life in another country depends mainly on how people interact with those in the new country. Many of my friends went to the United States or Canada to enhance their English for about a year. However, not everyone told me they improve their English as they had expected. As I listened to whey they said, I soon figured out that they failed to adjust themselves to the customs which were different from that of my country. For instance, it is considered rude to beckoning a person with an index finger in my country, but it is very common in the United States. One of my friends really did not understand the behavior and he hated even after he found out that it is not a rude behavior in the United States. Since he did not like the beckoning with the index finger, he was often reluctant to hang out with Americans. This caused him to study English along in his room which in turn resulted in less improved English of his. Another problem of keeping their own custom when they moved to the new country is that they become more likely outcast by indigenous people. This causes the bigger problem that the above because there would be no chance for them to go up the ladder, especially for those who moved to another country for their job. In order to become a manager in their firm, they should be able to lead people by examples and to be a people person. Unfortunately, it is very hard for those who stick to their own custom when they live in another country because indigenous people would think of them are different which make those foreigners to be alienated. When I was in Japan as an exchange student, there was a man from India who believed a religion that tells a dog is a bad luck. When his boss, who was my host family, invited him for New Year's Day breakfast, he did not come. Later, I heard his boss talk about him that he did not come because of his religion. Since the boss's family loves dogs they have couple of dogs running around the house. When people move to other countries, they go there to achieve certain goals. Those goals would be hard to accomplish when they are stick to their custom because it will prevent them to get along with people in the country who would play a decisive role in their success.

Dear proxer: I made some comments on your introduction and the first body paragraph. The reason that I did not finish making comments on your work is that you made the same mistakes over and over again throughout the whole essay. I would give you 4 for this essay mainly because of your overusing the same verb too many times, lapse in your grammar, and lack of specification. Cheers, oxidejo P.S.: Red caracters are those words that, I think, should be omitted. ---------------------- When it comes to struggle with something, the thing might be one[J1] , either we have enough knowledge on how to do it[J2] or we have not got had enough knowledge on how to do it[J3] . And [J4] In addition, also [J5] situation [J6] arises that allows us to choose one from many things to stick with. [J7] In this case, I prefer to stick with what I know to rather than stick with something new for me. Now I will dwell on some reasons why I choose it. First, when we people stick with something we they know, we they do it correctly as we they did it before many many times. For instance, one day my niece bought two chocolates that in each has toys must be assembledconstructed. First toy was a car that I had constructed put togetherit two times before that day. On the other handbut, there was a toy ship I had not nevernever tried constructed. As it was interesting for me to try construct assembling the ship so I tried. to construct but However, I constructed failed to do it correctly.wrongly. [J8] [J1]What is one? [J2]This is vague, please specify. [J3]This is vague, please specify [J4]“and”, “but”, “or”, and “so” are not good words to start a sentence in academic writing. [J5]Redundent. [J6]What situation are you talking about? Please specify! [J7]I am not sure I understand this. Plese revise this sentence. [J8]First of all, I think you have used the same verb too many times. Secondly, I do not see your point.

I wrote this in 30 min. Thank you for your kind reply and generosity.:tup:

Thank you, komial21. Your criticism is well taken.:tup:

Agreed with Lukas.

Some people prefer to watch movies in a theater. Other people prefer to stay home and watch movies on video. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. In modern society, watching movie would be one of the most frequently mentioned pastimes that people enjoy. Many people go to theater with their date, friends, and family to enjoy their personal time. Other people stay their home and watch video to enjoy the movie. I personally enjoy watching movie at home by myself because I can manage my personal time more wisely and appreciate the movie itself better. People would save a lot of time by watching movie at their home. If a person wants to watch a movie in a theater, he or she would have to spend much extra time than watching movie itself. First, he or she has to find other people to watch together the exact same movie. When he or she find other people to watch together, they have to set the schedule and need to book the tickets. They would also have to fight with the traffic to go to the theater and wait until the move starts. However, if a person wants to watch a movie at his or her home, then the only time he or she has to spend is to pick the movie to watch. In addition, people can start watching movie whenever they want to see and end watching it whenever there is something to take care. Watching movies on video would help people to understand about the movie better than watching it in the theater because people can stop and rewind whenever they do not understand the plot of the story or did hear what the actors or actress said. People often say that they miss some specific parts of a movie when they went to see a movie in a theater while they were talking to their companies. In addition, there are some lousy customers who less care about other people. Some would talk on the phone during the movie. If they sat behind a very big and tall person, then it is their bad day to watch movie because they would have to struggle to avoid the blocking by the person sitting in front of them. When such events happen people would appreciate the movie adequately. On the other hand, if they watch the movie home, then they are less likely to be distracted from the movie. Even if there are some distractions such as visiting from an expected person or phone calls from friends, all they have to do is to press the pause button and restart the movie after take care of the distractions. Watching movie is certainly one of the most favorite pastimes that people do. It should serve people to enjoy their time while they are watching movie, not to be another source of providing stress. I would certainly enjoy watching a movie home wearing informal clothing with pop corn and drinks on my cozy couch rather than wasting my time to set up a schedule and fighting with traffic, and having difficulties to appreciate the movie because of those who care less about manners in public place.

Wow this is cool ^^

It is not from BB so I think it is possible that there is a typo. Thanks anyway, MWM!:tup: I think your reasoning is quite plausible.[clap] I am convinced, thanks!:tup: By the way, the answer is C.

The question I posted does not have "not" infront of the second blank. I would agree if "not" is located. Should I assume that "not" is accidently omitted?

MWM2005, You haven't convince me with the first question, though. Would you?

If you get rid of the qualifying part "to convince the public ... a second term", and put your choices in the sentence, then it becomes "The senator's attempt is straightforward given or because of the extremely dubious fund-raising activities" How can his attempt be straightforward in the view of the extremely dubious fund-raising activities? Rather, it should be "The senator's attempt is to convince the public, but the attempt is disingenuous or lack in candor because of the public or well-known fund-raising activity."

Hmm..:hmm: I agree with the first blank, but I am not sure about the second one. superficial has a negative canotation, right? To me, superficial and "the impressive quality of her finished paintings" does not match at all. People are not usually impressed by superficiality, aren't we? The best choice for this quetion is D. This is almost exact opposite to the one that I posted yesterday.

1. That she seemed to prefer --- to concentrated effort is undeniable; nevertheless, the impressive quality of her finished paintings suggests that her actual relationship to her art was anything but ---. a) preparation .. passionate b) artfulness .. disengated c) dabbling .. superficial d) caprice .. considered e) indecision .. lighthearted 2. The senator's attempt to convince the public that he is not intrested in running for a second term is --- given the extremely --- fund-rasing activities of his campaign committee. a) futile .. clandestine b) sincere .. visible c) specious .. apathetic d) disingenuous .. public e) straightforward .. dubivous Second problem is just for fun. :D However, I do need a good explanation for the first one, though.

Thank you seagull for all those good bridges. [clap] I am esp. thankful for the below. I did not realize that violet is a type of the flower :doh:

I did check it and I found no mistake from me, at least. BTW, one of my frield explained this that "given" in this case means "in the view of or because of". Substituting given as "in the view of or because of", the choice D does make sense, doesn't it? Your reasoning that 'while' indicates a contrast is right and that is why the answer shuld be D repudiate. The key in this question is to understand that Russian composers who contributed to an emerging national style would repudiate idiomatic Russian musical elements. "emerging" should be a tip-off here. In other words, emerging national style would not be idomatic Russian musical elements. Thus, while many Russian composers contributed to an emerging natinal style or repudiate idiomatic Russian musical elements, other composers did not repudiate idiomatic Russian musical elements or did not contributed to an emerging national style.