Achiever

Hello Erin and TM Staff, This is my second essay to TestMagic. I am writing the exam in a couple of weeks from now. Please rate this and let me know your approximate score. Let me know of your suggestions. Also evaluate my previous essay (topic No.5) and please clarify the doubts that I had asked in the reply to your suggestions to that essay. Thank you very much for your efforts. Achiever

Hi, Achiever. The essay you've written is quite a successful attempt. The introduction and body, in particular, present your point of view clearly and support it thoroughly with distinct main points. The first point could be made even clearer, however, by separating it into two points (economic advantages AND improved social conditions). There aren't enough examples at this point in your essay to support the second idea. Also, the line, "The city authorities may provide better ammenities like water, etc..." seems out of place here--belonging to neither of the points stated above. I like that you do discuss both the advantages and disadvantages, since that is what the question asks of you. Yet at the same time, you make it very clear where you stand on the issue. Very good. The only negative I can point out to you is that, for as strong as your essay is, the conclusion tends to become somewhat blurred, or in other words, loses the focus. Rather than concluding with any further discussion of the disadvantages, I suggest you restate and stress again the advantages--drive your point home. I hope these suggestions will be of help to you. Best of luck, TM Staff Hello TM Staff, Thank you very much for your suggestions. They will be definitely helpful to me. I have a few doubts in your comments that I request you to clarify. I am not able to understand what you mean by "There aren't enough examples at this point in your essay to support the second idea. ". The strategy that I am following is to think of three main points of the stand I am going to take on the essay statement (agree or disagree sort of topics) and then expand each of them into three more points in three paragraphs, followed by a conclusion. What do you think of this method? Is it ok or do you suggest any other better way? Based on this method, I was trying to mention employment chances as second main point. I think what you have meant is that I should mention economic advantages and improved social conditions as two separate points and then probably include employment possibilities as part of first one. Is this what you have meant? Regarding the point about amenities like water etc., I mentioned that to give example of mutual social benefits that our community would gain as a result of the factory. Do you think that the sentence must not have been included there? If so, can you give me some suggestions on what I could have added there? Regarding the conclusion, I was trying to re-emphasize the importance of factory by saying that its proper use lies in the hands of our community people. But I too feel that simply restating the main points could have been the better choice. I am pretty sure that with your suggestions, I will be able to correct these problems next time. Can you give an estimated score for this essay? Thank you once again for your efforts. Achiever.

Hi, Achiever. The essay you've written is quite a successful attempt. The introduction and body, in particular, present your point of view clearly and support it thoroughly with distinct main points. The first point could be made even clearer, however, by separating it into two points (economic advantages AND improved social conditions). There aren't enough examples at this point in your essay to support the second idea. Also, the line, "The city authorities may provide better ammenities like water, etc..." seems out of place here--belonging to neither of the points stated above. I like that you do discuss both the advantages and disadvantages, since that is what the question asks of you. Yet at the same time, you make it very clear where you stand on the issue. Very good. The only negative I can point out to you is that, for as strong as your essay is, the conclusion tends to become somewhat blurred, or in other words, loses the focus. Rather than concluding with any further discussion of the disadvantages, I suggest you restate and stress again the advantages--drive your point home. I hope these suggestions will be of help to you. Best of luck, TM Staff Hello TM Staff, Thank you very much for your suggestions. They will be definitely helpful to me. I have a few doubts in your comments that I request you to clarify. I am not able to understand what you mean by "There aren't enough examples at this point in your essay to support the second idea. ". The strategy that I am following is to think of three main points of the stand I am going to take on the essay statement (agree or disagree sort of topics) and then expand each of them into three more points in three paragraphs, followed by a conclusion. What do you think of this method? Is it ok or do you suggest any other better way? Based on this method, I was trying to mention employment chances as second main point. I think what you have meant is that I should mention economic advantages and improved social conditions as two separate points and then probably include employment possibilities as part of first one. Is this what you have meant? Regarding the point about amenities like water etc., I mentioned that to give example of mutual social benefits that our community would gain as a result of the factory. Do you think that the sentence must not have been included there? If so, can you give me some suggestions on what I could have added there? Regarding the conclusion, I was trying to re-emphasize the importance of factory by saying that its proper use lies in the hands of our community people. But I too feel that simply restating the main points could have been the better choice. I am pretty sure that with your suggestions, I will be able to correct these problems next time. Can you give an estimated score for this essay? Thank you once again for your efforts. Achiever.

Hello Erin, I have a doubt in the Listening section. In some tests, I have heard "You bet" or "I bet". What does this mean? Thanks Achiever

Hello Erin, Please rate this first essay of mine and give your opinion. Whenever a factory is about to be built in a community, there will be positive and negative opinions from people in the community. Personally, I support building the factory because I think that this new influence will help in improving the econmic and social condition of people in our community, in providing jobs to many unemployed people and in providing may valuable commercial products to our community. My community is one of the growing economic centers in the city. The establishment of a factory could help improve the economic condition further. There will be more investors and shareholders willing to invest in our community. This will lead to the development of our community as a commercial center. Moreover, the social status of people is bound to increase with this influence. The city authorities may provide better amenities like water, etc. to cater to the needs of these factories. This will in turn benefit the people of our community. A factory is an obvious source of employment to a large number of people. In our community, there are many intelligent youngsters raring to work and to show off their talents. The factory can be the right place for their interests. The problem of unemployment would decrease in our community and the development of the factory can infact help eradicate this problem. A factory is also likely to be the manufacturing center for a lot of commercial products that can be very useful for our people. We all know that every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Building a factory too, has its own negative aspects that makes many people reject the proposal outright. The main reasons for this opposition is the environmental pollution that results from factory processes. These processes eliminate wastes into air and water, affecting animals and humans alike. Several industrial accidents and deaths have known to occur and have served to increase public opposition. Besides, factories are constructed over large acres of land and may require deforestation of cultivable land and evacuation of human settlements. These are valid reasons for opposing the factory. However, when we access the overall advantages against the disadvantages, a factory must definitely be a boon to our community. Whether it becomes a bane lies in our hands and I think our community people are wise enough to prevent this from happening. We shall follow measures to make these factories refrain from polluting environment and from endangering arable and inhabitable areas, so that we cherish this new influence on our community.