batdoi

true, that's what I usually do now :d still when you're close to the test date you need to practice writing under time pressure to familiarize yourself with the testing condition, right?

Thanks Finsternis:) actually I didn't write this essay within the 30' limit :D

My first SAT essay here. Hope to see some comments. Thanks in advance! Essay topic: "Every one of us has experienced jealousy (or the 'green-eyed monster') somewhere or at some point of our lives. Jealousy has to do with possessiveness in relationships and is different from envy, which is targeted at someone else's achievements or possessions. Jealousy is born out of other emotions like fear, anger, betrayal and powerlessness. Envy is a petty emotion that seethes with rancour against someone else's happiness." (Rakhi Abraham) Assignment: Is jealousy ever a good thing? Write an essay in which you answer this question and discuss your point of view on this issue. Support your position logically with examples from literature, the arts, history, politics, science and technology, current events, or your experience or observation. ------- Jealousy has always been one of the meanest quality of mankind. What is worse is that, it is almost inevitable. In one way or another, jealousy enters our lives, naturally and sometimes unconsciously, creating suffering for ourselves and others. As events from history and daily life have shown, human’s failure to stay away from this instinct has led to ruined relationships, suffering for everyone involved, and even demoralization. Let’s take Cesare Borgia as an example of how dangerous jealousy is to human. As the oldest son of the powerful Pope Alexander VI of Vatican, Cesare is said to have everything, from wealth to land and power. Compared to his brother Giovanni, however, Cesare himself felt inferior. He was sick of seeing Giovanni taking away from him beautiful women and more affection from the Pope, as well as losing more important military duties and national honor in to his brother. In situations like this, it is human nature to feel jealous, but Cesare’s extreme envy led him to kill his brother. Now having gained absolute power, it is ironic that Cesare was still not happy. His father was so upset that he imprisoned himself in a palace for a long time, and Cesare was detested by Giovanni’s wife and many family members. From the story, it is startling how jealousy can make people do crazy things and turn brotherhood into rivalry, degrading moral values and causing agony to everyone. Daily life proves to be a huge source of evidences for the negative effects of jealousy. I feel sad to see the way some of my friends at school treat each other like rivals. Because of excessive competitiveness in academics, the scene of some classmates making fun of somebody else’s low grade is not uncommon. I am astonished at the way many students turn so indifferent whenever I ask them for help with my homework, and the way they wish each other to fail exams so that they can climb to the top of the class. People may argue that being jealous of others’ success gives them extra determination. They must have not realized that friendship is more important than superficial achievements. By being jealous, they actually develop a selfish attitude, and sacrifice what may have become their lifelong friendships. Among the many ways to achieve our goals, being jealous is absolutely the worst one, for proofs from both history and daily life have shown that it can destroy friendships and creates rivalry. Unless people can avoid it and take others’ success as a model and motivation for themselves to make progress, they will never have what they want.

My essay. I would appreciate anyone's feedback. Thank you. Essay topic: People work because they need money to live. What are some other reasons that people work. Use examples and details to support your opinion -------- In one way or another, all people around the world work for the ultimate purpose of seeking a better life. It is widely believed that people work solely for money. However, it is only one of the numerous important purposes of working, and oftentimes there is a lot of benefits that people obtain from working without even consciously realizing them. Nowadays, except for money, people still work for many reasons, including to understand and fulfill their responsibilities in society, to avoid wastefulness, and to keep their minds active. For many people, the biggest benefit of working lies in a priceless lesson of responsibility. Through working, people learn how to be responsible, first to themselves, then to their families and the society. If working is all about money, why even kids from well-off families, Bill Gate’s for example, bother going to work even though they are guaranteed a wealthy future life whatsoever? It is because they want to be responsible for their own lives, to live on their labor, not on their parents’ fortune. Next, working gives them a strong sense of responsibility for their family and society. Family life is happiest when all members share family work and together contribute to make it a more comfortable and harmonious life. Likewise, a country is most prosperous when every citizen contributes their part to make it thrive. Another important reason that makes people look for job is to understand the importance of producing property and avoid wastefulness. As a matter of fact, not working leads to indolence; indolence facilitates spending and extravagance. People who don’t work at all have nothing to keep themselves busy, hence often indulge in expensive entertainment, lavish shopping, and so on. Understanding this fact, many people, even privileged ones, choose to work to stay away from wastefulness, and to be helpful. In short, working, or living on what they created teaches them not only the value of labor and property, but also the importance of frugality and economy. Last but not least, to work is to keep us active and in good shape. Working is about constantly learning and understanding things around us. When we stop working, we spend less time thinking and pondering about things that so far have deeply affected our lives. Soon knowledge is eroded, and our brains become idle and self-indulgent. As time goes on, we gradually lose concern about everything except ourselves. To prevent this from happening, some people, especially the old, still learn and work in various ways even though they have retired. As for the case of a group of sixty year old men in the US I knew about through newspaper, retirement did not prevent them from going to college and doing farming. They said doing these things made them remain active and healthy, and going to college gave them the liveliness of a twenty five year old teenager. To sum up, working to most people are, although difficult, still rewarding because of the great benefits it brings about. Besides earning money, people also work for many important purposes, including to be aware of their duties, to steer clear from wastefulness, and to stay lively and active. Therefore, I would advise anyone to find a suitable work for themselves because working is the best way through which they can enjoy life.

hi muaxuanve, thank you for pointing my errors out. Yeah, I re-read the essay a few days ago and found some embarrassing mistakes. I also did think that I should have focused on explaining my preference, but my writing teacher asked me to write this kind of essay (that is, 2 body paragraphs, each discusses one of the two sides, then state the preference in the concluding paragraph). Hah. Well, it took me about 1.5 hours to finish it (write and proofread). Terrible for a TOEFL essay I know haha, but this is my home writing, and I just don't often work effectively when I got nobody to push and pressure me lol. That may be a good idea. Actually I am trying to both learn vocab and write essays regularly, and I hope I can improve both at the same time. Again thank you very much for your comments. They do encourage me a lot. I'm starting my plan to write essays (TOEFL and SAT) regularly this summer, so I'll definitely post my essays here in weeks to come to receive feedback.

Hi Sakti Phoenix, First, do not use word abbreviations (or condensation, I'm not sure) in academic writing. Therefore, use "do not" instead of "don't", and replace "I'm" by "I am". Sorry mate but you are off-topic from the beginning. The topic is "Would you let the school choose your roommate, or would you rather choose yourself". You should have focused on providing reasons and details to support your standpoint (choosing roommate yourself), not on writing about your personalities. The topic sentences of the first 2 body paragraphs give the immediate impression and indication that you are off-topic. Remember, a topic sentence is where you put your major idea which you're going to give details to support later in the paragraph. Only your third body paragraph fulfils this function. Apart from that, you have a very wide range of vocabulary, which is great. Just an advice: don't throw into the essay too many big words, and use them wisely (and, maybe in a TOEFL essay, sparingly). And it's good to see you know a lot of diverse sentence structures, but don't use complex structures too much, otherwise the readers may think that you're trying too hard to impress. Generally I think you are certainly capable, you already have a good platform, and with more practice you will definitely improve your writing. My opinion. Truong

I've just completed this essay and I'm eager to see comments on it. Your constructive criticism are highly appreciated. Thank you very much! ----------- Essay Topic: Some People prefer occupations in which they work primarily with machines. Others prefer occupations in which they work mainly with people. Which type of occupation do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. (I want to clarify this a little: although the topic asks students to just write about which type of occupation I prefer, my english teacher require me to write 2 body paragraphs explaining the reasons for people to like each of the two types, and then state my own preference in the conclusion) ----------- Based on the matter of working partners, generally different people have different favorite kinds of occupations. Some people prefer occupations in which they work primarily with machines. Others choose professions in which they work with people. Each of the two types have its own advantages, and which one suits a person best depends on his personalities and fields of professions. Personally I would prefer working with machines, for I enjoy the feeling of being the boss whenever at work. First of all, many people like working with machines since they are technically advanced, and are becoming a perfect substitute for human labor. Considering the amazing ability of today’s machines and computers, it is quite obvious that they are essential for every field of occupations. For industrial workers, automatic machines are indispensible; for art designers and architects, computers prove to be great tools in mass designing with perfect accuracy, while for scientists, scientific machines such as computers, telescopes are strictly required for research. As can be easily seen, machines are ideal partners for a lot of people whose limited time and capabilities do not allow them to work on their own. On the contrary, human are still regarded as the preferred partners by a several other people. It is clear that in some jobs, discussion, teamwork and mutual assistance among workers are crucial to success. Moreover, it is widely believed that professions involving interaction between people are much more interesting, while those in which human primarily work with machines are boringly repetitive – in fact, recent researches demonstrate that more than half workers doing such jobs as electrician and mechanical engineering over a long period in the US feel they are driven stressed. Lastly, some people prefer the atmosphere of working in a competitive environment where peer pressure can motivate them to work harder and improve their effectiveness and productivity. For some personal reasons, however, I prefer working with machines. Firstly, machines are highly consistent, accurate, and reliable, while people may be spontaneous, while it is not easy to find a person whose personalities and working habit fit mine, which is key to successful cooperation. Moreover, since I was a child I have always been a maverick who like things to work in my own way. Consequently, I consider machines, particularly computers, to be my best partner since they are obedient servants who are willing to do what they are told to do and never criticize me, unlike some co-workers who may disagree with my plans. To sum up, working with machines or working with human, each of which has its advantages and drawbacks, depends on each person’s preference; I choose to work mainly with machines because of both their reliability and their flexibility, which enables me to do things in my own way.

Thank you for your positive comment Sakti Phoenix:)

Please take a look at my essay. I would really appreciate any constructive criticism. Thanks a bunch. --------- Topic #002 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents are the best teachers. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. --------- I strongly agree with the argument that parents are the best teachers. In reality, people have countless ways to absorb knowledge, learn how to be a good student as well as a good person. Some claim that schools and textbooks are the most important things to education. From my perspective, however, parents have the biggest impact on children, both academically and socially. It is them from whom we get the most care and attention, learn how to behave properly, and gain life experience. The first point I would like to make is that parents are the most dedicated people to children. They not only spend time telling us everything they know about life and society, but also act as our wise mentor when we get problems. They share with us their knowledge and expertise with the most care and affection, which cannot be gained at schools, where teachers’ attention are shared among hundreds of students. In my case , my mom and dad always encourage and give me words of wisdom when I fail to get good grades at school, and bestow upon me the motivation to bounce back from failures. Furthermore, parents have the most significant influence on children’s behavior and courtesy. Since kids grow up in the upbringing of parents, it is understandable that they often try to imitate their parents’ manners and conducts. To illustrate, a 5-year-old boy can adopt the act of handshaking to greet people from his father, which then become his habitual greeting for his whole life. Therefore, it is obvious that those parents with refined social demeanor are very likely to set examples for their children to follow to become a good citizen. Finally, parents are generous and invaluable resources of the life skills and experience for children. There are tremendous things which books are simply unable to provide us, but which can only be achieved through experience and guidance of parents. Since I was a little kid, through basic skills of doing housework, my parents have taught me the most important thing: the importance of working and the responsibility of individuals in family and society. Moreover, from them I have acquired priceless life experience, like how to choose the right people to make friends, and how to stay positive when in the most stressful situations, which I always find very helpful in my life. To sum up, parents play a major role in children’s education. And taking into account the dedication, impact on social behavior, and life experience they give and set on us, I can fully affirm parents are truly the best teachers. ---------- Thank all of you a lot.