hsrada

Wrong forum - this is College

I agree with Erin, your essay suffers a lot of fragmentation. Additionally, I know you say you felt awful, but the essay doesn't SHOW me why. Perhaps you would be better off fully illustrating an example of discrimination and how it made you feel. Right now I'd score at a 6, but it has the ability to hit higher fairly easily!

You can get lectures from Cambridge and Oxford (UK) on your iPod, and get material from Yale online...but unfortunately you can't yet get a distance degree from any of the Ivys.

I was also fairly apprehensive about my first writing assignment, but I ended up taking an introductory class which helped me out a bit. Search around if your university offers a similar course which you can take in your first semester. Alternatively, try a pre-uni course on writing.