Lambda

Thank your for reviewing my essay. Now I'm reviewing yours. I think generally your essay is well organized and has good grammar. It would have been better if the introduction is made short and sweet. The story of "Emperor's new clothes" can be moved into one of the body paragraphs. Also, it will definitely better if you explicitly and clearly state your thesis, which is basically that you disagree with the claim and contend that we learn more from people who disagree, by the end of your introduction. About the body paragraphs, I think you should provide more specific examples and then argue why the examples can support your thesis. For instance, in your first body paragraph, you could have recapped your thesis more explicitly, such as by saying a hypothetical leader makes a mistake, but does not want to hear any criticism, and as a result, the group fails to progress in its own field. It's important to emphasize how the failure results from failure to realize weaknesses, instead of flattery among the members of the group, because the prompt asks about learning instead of group organization. Specific hypothetical examples are fine, but specific concrete examples, such as how avoiding criticism causes North Korea to be backward in science and technology, will be better. In your last body paragraph, you should better expound on how the objection to your thesis fails to refute your thesis. You have acknowledged that the objection is valid, but have not argued why it's not enough to defeat your thesis. I think your grammar is mostly fine, except that some words might not be used appropriately and some sentences fail to convey your message clearly. For instance, will look clearer and more concise if you change it into "Debates and discussions are integral parts of learning. Also, in grammatically, the term "system" refers to "establishment" instead of "democracy", yet democracy - instead of establishment - can be validly called a system. Similarly, in the individual learns the lesson, while it doesn't make sense to say lack of conscientiousness learns a lesson. In you should also clearly state what the "is" refers to. I know that "it" refers to disagreement, but grammatically, "it" can also refer to predisposition in the previous sentence. There are a few other instances of the kind of error discussed in this paragraph in your essay that I have not enumerated, but hopefully you get the point.

This is my first time writing a GRE issue essay. The prompt is (got it from Magoosh): Universities should require students to take courses only within those fields they are interested in studying. Instructions Write a response in which you discuss your views on the policy and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider the possible consequences of implementing the policy and explain how these consequences shape your position. My response: It’s stressful to spend substantial amount of time on something one does not like. While everyone would agree to such experience, knowledge about fields one is not interested in is important to the wellbeing of our society and even the field of interest itself. Therefore, students should be required to take classes outside their fields of interest. The world is complicated; as knowledge grew over time, academic professionals realized that the world is so multifaceted that it can only be fully comprehended by integrating multiple perspectives. Therefore, the 21st century sees the emergence interdisciplinary fields. In order to more fully understand biology and make medicine more personified, the field of systems biology has emerged, integrating the traditional approach studying one molecule and one gene at a time and an innovative approach made possible by the advent of computers to quantitatively model biological systems. Similarly, in order to fully tackle the problem of the cultural war plaguing the Western world in recent decades, academics from history of science, theology, anthropology, and philosophy have collaborated to foster conversation between the extreme of scientism and the other extreme of religious fundamentalism. Other areas important to our society similarly require such interdisciplinary collaborations, as to reiterate, our world is complicated. Therefore, in order for a student to be well prepared to become great citizens who can make our world a better place, he must possess knowledge about other fields of study, as integral to solving problems from an interdisciplinary perspective, even if the student may not be interested. However, as students are often immature, the best way to impart such knowledge is to require them to take classes in these fields. Furthermore, people working in all fields and industries are finite humans, which means each field has its own culture and biases, which can limit the development of the field. Knowledge about and communication with other fields can foster the future development of all fields. For instance, the development of now fashionable field of precision medicine can be hampered by the concept of race, which has little biological ground, in the general public, but knowledge in human evolution and anthropology can cast doubt to such bias and make research more efficient. Such limitation has occurred to other fields as well, such as a postmodern bias against science in the humanities circle due to lack of knowledge about what scientists really do; such bias, as it’s a myth, will indeed limit the development of the humanities. Dialogue with different fields of study can cast doubt to and correct for unfounded biases in any given field of study. As this opens the given field to the truth, the development of the field will be stimulated. However, as least an inkling about other fields is required for such dialogues. Therefore, it is important for students to take classes about at least the fundamentals of some fields outside the students’ field of interest. It might be objected that as students are better at some fields than others, their grades will suffer because of requirements from other disciplines, and as a result, the students will be impeded from enrollment into competitive programs or jobs for their fields of interest. However, the truth is, grades are not the only factor the advanced programs and jobs consider when recruiting, and usually those institutions only consider grades of classes most germane to the particular field of interest. Moreover, even if a student does not do well in some fields, some knowledge about them is better than nothing. Even some knowledge will be useful for interdisciplinary collaborations and dialogues. Therefore, requiring students to take classes outside their field of study is nevertheless justified. In conclusion, due to the importance of interdisciplinary collaboration and dialogues in our multifaceted world, some knowledge of fields outside the major is very important for all students. How I think I can improve: I think the introduction and conclusion are a bit crappy. I wrote the thesis first without writing the full introduction and turned back to finish the introduction last, so as I ran out of time my writing suffered. I think the introduction should be more elaborate and the conclusion should more directly recap the thesis. I kind of missed the thesis, which is that students should be required to take classes of other fields, in my conclusion. Therefore, in the future, I should move a little faster when writing the body. Another thing is that my examples are confined to the academia, though many students will not pursue careers in the academia, because I want to stay in the academia after graduating from graduate school. Furthermore, I might sound a bit confusing at some points when I say "other fields" and "some fields".