oxidejo,
ur ideas are good and u hav presented ur opinion clearly with examples.
One point at which can improve is grammer(eg - ur first sentence
People in general define truly successful people who made great contribution throughout the history, which made the world better place to live for human beings.
is rather long,shorter sentences would be better).
With some revision for grammatical errors ,ur essay can easily be a 5 point one.
regards,
chitra