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manwiththemission2005 !! I really thank you for your considerable advice. I will try to correct my writing like your advice.

48. The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten. The speaker claims that most history study has focused on only individuals excluding to many groups of people who have exerted for significant events. Admittedly, it can seem plausible in the abstract since making brilliant leaders is not themselves, but a bunch of people around them. However, further reflection tells me that I can not agree with is for the following reasons. Before beginning in earnest, I concede that some brilliant leaders can not exist alone. It means that it is necessary to cooperate with their colleagues or coworkers. Appropriate representatives are always needed by many institutions or the mass of people, since gathering each other can make a great leverage. For instance, bourgeois revolution, showed that the power of adhesives play an important role in establishing critical events. Thus, the larger adhesives support leaders, the more leaders grow up. On the other hand is the compelling argument that it is unfair that most history’ center is a few leaders. Firstly, many strong leaders have changed the main structure of our society. Second, according to alteration of leaders, the characteristics of society can be easily altered. In order to see it clearly let me see an example. The social structure became to meet the breakthrough by inaugurating Lincoln, Abraham. He insisted the abolitionism, which slave system should be abrogated. Therefore, it is sufficiently possible that one brilliant leader can accomplish the breakthrough that can not be made by a number of people. Lending credence to my position is that leaders have the ability to arrange and conduct the mass of people. In fact, without leaders, the mass of people would easily forget their own aim. Historically, a bunch of wars shows that leaders is important for many people especially in turmoil. One need no further than Douglas MacArthur in Korean war. He overcame painstaking situation by arranging and leading all of soldiers. Finally, He succeeded the great landing operations, which were based on South Korea’s winning. For this reason, one brilliant leader deserves to be paid attention for descendents. In sum, I concede that the mass of people around leaders have overcome many hardships. However, all of significant events have been established by one brilliant hero since he or she has shown many ability to get over many crisis.

thank you so much for checking out my writing, collin. I'll remember your advice and try to correct according to it

The speaker stands on her or his opinion that nonmainstream areas are essential to satisfy human beings’ needs that are not sufficient by mainstream science. Partially, this claim seems plausible in the abstract since nonmainstream science can provide temporary psychological settlement with many people. However, further reflection tells me that I can not agree with it for the following reasons. Before beginning in earnest, when it comes to the aspect of psychology, nonmainstream areas such as fortune-telling and astrology play a role in relaxing our nervous mind. In fact, any scientific study can not predict our obscure destination. Even though the fact provided by fortune-teller or Tarocard is not true, at least, it could prevent us from extremely being strained. Also, it can supply a place to find peace to people’s exhausted mind. On the other hand, modern complicated society can not help being explained not by superstition, but by logical science. In order to see this point clearly let me see an example, in the case of stock market, shares are composed of many corporations’. It means that it is really complicated, and in shares investment, people should meditate about which companies they will invest. For the good investment, it is necessary the consult with expert of stock market and grasp economical atmosphere. Tarocard can be never helpful for investment of stock market. Not only is nonmainstream area not understandable for explanation of modern complicated society, but it can make people passive by superstition. If the superstition is blindly believed by many people, it can make defile people’s discernment. In fact, there are no evidences that superstition is true. It is made due to providing psychological convenience with many people. For this reason, it does not make sense that nonmainstream plays a vital role in our society. In sum, I partially agree that nonmainstream areas solve the problems that are not addressed by mainstream areas. However, nonmainstream fields can not explain modern complexity and can make people anemic without their own will; on balance, for the temporary stability, fortune-telling can be needed, but it is included to logical science.

The speaker stands on her or his opinion that nonmainstream areas are essential to satisfy human beings’ needs that are not sufficient by mainstream science. Partially, this claim seems plausible in the abstract since nonmainstream science can provide temporary psychological settlement with many people. However, further reflection tells me that I can not agree with it for the following reasons. Before beginning in earnest, when it comes to the aspect of psychology, nonmainstream areas such as fortune-telling and astrology play a role in relaxing our nervous mind. In fact, any scientific study can not predict our obscure destination. Even though the fact provided by fortune-teller or Tarocard is not true, at least, it could prevent us from extremely being strained. Also, it can supply a place to find peace to people’s exhausted mind. On the other hand, modern complicated society can not help being explained not by superstition, but by logical science. In order to see this point clearly let me see an example, in the case of stock market, shares are composed of many corporations’. It means that it is really complicated, and in shares investment, people should meditate about which companies they will invest. For the good investment, it is necessary the consult with expert of stock market and grasp economical atmosphere. Tarocard can be never helpful for investment of stock market. Not only is nonmainstream area not understandable for explanation of modern complicated society, but it can make people passive by superstition. If the superstition is blindly believed by many people, it can make defile people’s discernment. In fact, there are no evidences that superstition is true. It is made due to providing psychological convenience with many people. For this reason, it does not make sense that nonmainstream plays a vital role in our society. In sum, I partially agree that nonmainstream areas solve the problems that are not addressed by mainstream areas. However, nonmainstream fields can not explain modern complexity and can make people anemic without their own will; on balance, for the temporary stability, fortune-telling can be needed, but it is included to logical science.

thank you so much I will try to revise my writing as your advise

thanks totti I wish I would recieve this score

thank you guys for estimating so much~

"Of the two leading real estate firms in our town—Adams Realty and Fitch Realty—Adams is clearly superior. Adams has 40 real estate agents. In contrast, Fitch has 25, many of whom work only part-time. Moreover, Adams' revenue last year was twice as high as that of Fitch, and included home sales that averaged $168,000, compared to Fitch's $144,000. Homes listed with Adams sell faster as well: ten years ago, I listed my home with Fitch and it took more than four months to sell; last year, when I sold another home, I listed it with Adams, and it took only one month. Thus, if you want to sell your home quickly and at a good price, you should use Adams." In this argument, the speaker concludes that a real estate firm, Adams Realty, is superior to Fitch Realty. To support it, the speaker points out the contrast between the revenue of two firms and exemplifies his or her individual instance. A scrutiny of this argument, however, reveals that the assumptions the speaker is based on are groundless. First of all the speaker commits the fallacy of assuming cause and effect relationship between two facts that Adams has more real estate agents than Fitch, and, thus, its revenue is also higher that Fitch's. It does not suffice to support all of the phenomena and, there is another reason. For example, Though Adams and Fitch are located in one town, their clients could be quite different. If Adams is always in charge of wealth people's house, and Fitch belongs to opposite side, it is natural that Adams' revenue was twice as high as Fitch's. Therefore, this investigation can not sufficiently support the speaker's assumption. Moreover, the speaker unfairly assumes in that he or she consider all of things only in his or her own standpoint. 10 years ago, the speaker does not explain whether one house that was sold after 1 month and another house that was sold after 4 months are indentified or not. Unless these houses are one, the speaker's assumption is prettry superficial since the period that house is sold could be up to other conditions like dimention and sturcture. In addition, the example 10 years ago seem to lose the reality and actuallity. It is because there should be some variation such as commodities. Thus, at present, nobody can assert which firm's process is superior. Provided that another appropriate example is not added, this anecdote could not be qualified as a supporting example. In conclusion, the argument above is un convincing as it stands. To strengthen it , the speaker should more detailed analysis of accurate statistical investigation about two real estate firms.

1. The following appeared in a memorandum written by the vice president of Nature's Way, a chain of stores selling health food and other health-related products. "Previous experience has shown that our stores are most profitable in areas where residents are highly concerned with leading healthy lives. We should therefore build our next new store in Plainsville, which has many such residents. Plainsville merchants report that sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs. The local health club, which nearly closed five years ago due to lack of business, has more members than ever, and the weight training and aerobics classes are always full. We can even anticipate a new generation of customers: Plainsville's schoolchildren are required to participate in a 'fitness for life' program, which emphasizes the benefits of regular exercise at an early age." According to this memo, the vice president of Nature's Way claims that new store should be built in Plainsville. Nevertheless, supporting reasons of this claim is somewhat illogical. So, the vice president concluded to wrong direction in terms of relationship between the number of selling sports products and resisdents' interest, the reason why health club is flourishing and misunderstanding about future's consumer. First of all, the vice president asserts that Plainsville's resisdents is concerned to sports since they are steadily consuming some sports products such as running shoes and exercise clothing. However, there could exist other reasons why so many products have been sold so far. For example, as a vogue, a bunch of people would like to put on the sports wear. As another reason, the number of selling these products could be up to the tendancy of resisdents in Plainsville. It could be because these sports wear makes them comfortable and active. In addition, the vice presidents used the supporting fact that some fitness club is flourishing in Plainsville. This fact can not fully support the his or her claim. There are other reasons why the fiteness club is prosperous for the resisdents as well; the fitness club fee could be more inexpensive than others, and its facilities could be really conveinent. For these reasons, the vice president's claim can not be acceptable. Also, when it comes to the aspect of future's consumer, the vice president is misleading to wrong direction. Let us think about who is real customers. Although the education about a fitness for life is helpful for schoolchildren, it is prettey long-term plan. This plan can spend so much time. It means that this business is not beneficial for Nature's Way since they do not have the willingness of consuming. Also, even though all of this presumption is reasonnable, basically, nobody can grantee the fact that the resisdents who are interested in health like the food related to health as well. Thus, the vice president's recommendation is hard to believe. As shown above, the recommendation in the vice president's memo is not fully advocated. Therefore, It is necessary to scrutinize about how many people are concerned about health and food and why they are interesting in those. If these investigation is statistically complete, his or her recommendation wouled become robust.

101. Governments should provide funding for artists so that the arts can flourish and be available to all people. The speaker claims that governments should financially support many artists for their activities. Undoutedly, there is some risk that the fund might be not guranteed. I, however, totally agree with the speaker's assertion because many artists is more neglected than other jobs. Admittedly, by the recognition of all the typical people, they are always perceived as a hugry job. It is because employments as art can not play a leading role in whole country. For example, research suggests that companies that are managed to only art works such as design are nothing but from 3 to 5 percent. In fact, one who majored some subject in art does not have many selections, when he or she choose job position. As the claim of the speaker, it is necessary that governments try to do additional care for many artists by providing job positions. On the other hand, unconditional funding might make many artists negligent. Even though it is believable that artists is hugry job, the hugryness seemed to make the breakthough in some art like paintings, sculptures and compositions. As an illustration, Ludwig van Beethoven, one of the greatest musicians in the world, had made the great works, when he was not normal, but disable. It means that all of the great compositions was accomplished by his pain and bitter trials. Thus, I think a little bit hungriness is necessary for an artist for future's breakthrough. Nevertheless, removing the funding for artists does not make sense for future's great works. Beethoven had been called as a genious, and our society is composed by many typical artists. For this reason, countinuous funding is necessary, but the way how to spend it is more important than whether governments advocate artists or not. Since art field is not identified by science and engineering, unconditional supporting is inappropriate. Therefore, there could be the methods that governments frequently make many contests and connect between artists and the company so that they can cooperate. I think if this atmosphere is keeping, the supporting of governments is definatly approprate. As shown above, some hardship like hunginess and disable could become a motivation for someone. However, governments need to take care of negeleted artistic jobs and should find the means to flourish them.

150. "Because of television and worldwide computer connections, people can now become familiar with a great many places that they have never visited. As a result, tourism will soon become obsolete." According the speaker's claim, the population of tourism will be declined, and the business will be obsolete due to the development of television and internet widely. Undoutedly, if the purpose of a travel is not only for tourism, his or her assertion is correct. I, however, totally disagree with the assertion since television and internet have played a lasting role in activating the tourism to other places that already become familiar through them. Admittedly, before the conneciton of computer and television network are activated, there are many business trips to other places. For example, sometimes some people might directly go to foreign country in order to deliver letters and files and process the works related to their own company. These difficult works can not be imaginable these days because internet can solve them more easily by transferring electronic mails or controlling iin the distance. However, this situation can not be adapted to pure purpose as only a ttourism. On the other hand, when it comes to the aspect of televesion's role, it could be normally shown as having a main role of decaying tourism. Nevertheless, in fact, television plays an opposite role. Television channel are providing a variety of beautiful landscapes with many people. However, the audiences do not feel satisfaction only by observing the scenery, but they would like to embark for the country. It is because providing beautiful scenery help many people activate so that they decide to tour the country. Therefore, the assertion that the development of worldwide television system is baleful to tourism does not make somewhat sence. Also, it is believable that internet is helpful for letting people touring some famous places. The internet which a bunch of people are worldwidely using has enormous information, which is a few times much more than a large university libraries'. The information of tourism is included to this ocean of information. It is composed of many useful and practical information such as accomodations, restraunts and a celerbrated locallity. If some people confront this information with picture and explanation in a number of websites, it is natural that they will have a confidence, and their apprehension will be vanished. Thus, the aspect about computer connections can not advocate the speaker's claim. As shown above, throughout indirect experience, people can settle difficut works instead of direct behavior like official trips abroad. However, if we think of the aspect of television and worldwide internet, they make tourism business flourish since television provides some motivation, and internet does some information with people.

31. Money spent on research is almost always a good investment, even when the results of that research are controversial. The speaker asserts that enormous investment should be necessay for all research field even though the consquences of the research might evoke some controversy. Undoubtedly, there could be serious disputes and dissensions such as ethical and religious problems. I, however, agree with speaker's assertion since human has an infinite desire about knowledge, and continuous investment could make some breakthrough in all of the field. Admittedly, when it comes to the instinct of human beings, they have some aspiration to knowledge, which is similiar to insatible appetite. It means that both typical people and scholars are being thirsty about up-to-date knowledge. For example, nowdays Samsung established mass-production of 4 Gigabyte flash memory. It is because they have invested huge fund in this business. Also, many researchers and compatriots have passion and expectation for the first. In order to accomplish this kind of knowledge, government and insitutions should invest much money to a bunch of promising groups and laboratories. On the other hand, new technologies or information have the possibiliy to make some dispute. This dispute is not important for some people, but it could be really sensible things for the other person. Life reproduction is one of the best example in this issue. A number of religious people object to reproduce any animals like a sheep. That is the reason why they regard this kind of behavior as chellenging the region of God. This objection make many drawbacks and barriers to the research of life reproduction. However, it is believable that the research could rescue many patiences near futhure. Finally, many research centers or universities have made breakthrough for a long time. Nevertheless, they can not manage withoust the supporting of government. By the newspaper, the university that has the most abundant research fund has made the best research results like the number of paper and international presentations. It could mean that research surroundings are one of the siginficant things in doing some reseach or experiments. Therefore, it is natural that if some field seems to be promisingly looked, many institutions should invest much fund before thinking of the risk of some field. As shown above, there are a few repulsions in spending much money in some field. However, we should unconditionally advocate many research centers and universities so that breakthrough is made.

184. "It is a grave mistake to theorize before one has data." The speaker claims that accumulating and analyzing data is essential in establishing some theory. Undoubtedly, this claim might make imagination of many scholars discourage. I, however, fundamentally agree with the assertion because it can help precise theory and further research advanced. Admittedly, some research and knowledge are based on accumulating and analyzing the data. For instance, when one building is built, steel skeleton is the most consequent thing in the construction since it should resist almost all load in the building. The accumulation and analysis of data is identified to iron frame in research and knowledge. Therefore, it is natural that researchers or scholars should investigate and rearrange the data before they become published as some theory. Nevertheless, when it comes to the aspect of imagination and originality, It is necessary that researchers and scientists have novel hypothesis before they get started to research or experiment. Newton, one of the most famous scientists, is exemplified about making novel hypothesis theory. If someone makes him discourage, all people could not meet the great theory, the law of the gravitation. This kind of imagination does not need to be excluded from the early stage, but careless imagination should not be publicized. On the other hand, the relationship among the data is really cohesive. It means that one theory can be supported by previous theory. Also, one data helps not only next data, but also ensuing theory. For this reason, things that correctly analyze and construct data are really important for the further research. As an illustration, Quantum mechanics theorized by Einstein is never accomplished for a day. Throughout continuous doing a variety of experiments, thinking of many assumptions and rearranging the data, the theory which makes science history alter was came into the world. Thus, in order to attain this kind of contribution in the word, long period which makes preparation is indispensable before publishing some result. As shown above, the fact that making the hypothesis is assumed to grave blunder before it has sufficient data might prevent the thought of people from imaging. However, for the further continuous research and definitely correct theory, we should be focus on accumulating, analyzing and rearranging the data so that the theory become more clear.

"People work more productively in teams than individually. Teamwork requires cooperation, which motivates people much more than individual competition does." The speaker claims that cooperation as a team has much stronger effectiveness than competition as a individual. There has long been a contraversy among a bunch of people about which one is superior. Undoubtedly, there are circumstances that competition as a individual are dominant. I, however, totally agree with the speaker's assertation since synergy effect from teamwork is superior to a motivation from competition. Admittedly, modern society could be defined to the community which live altogether. It means that there is no business which can solve alone. From trivial things to significant things, cooperation plays an important role in helping efficiently work. As an illustration, in sport game like basball, basketball and footbal, one player who is starplayer and grandstands is included to a team. However, if the team is operated by only the starplayer and has a poor teamwork, the team will have a hard time in order to win the game. Likewise, in all of the work, it is natural that one who is full of competition might not be graunteed by future. On the other hands, considering that some business is dominant to competition, sales and insurance company is one of the best examples in all of the tasks. The company should be beneficial by the method which all workers sell their own products as much as they can. In order to do like this, some kind of rewad as money and promotion is necessary. They might make many workers encourage and cheer up. This method has been actually adapted, but is dexterous to the atmosphere of company due to jealousy. Moreover, there is another reason why collaboration is prior to competition. It is companionship that can feel uniformity as one community. The more is competition serious in company, the more will employees'mind be jealous due to practical problems such as incentive. However, if synergy effect as collaboration is reinforced, many employees can work in the atmosphere that feels companionship and humanity. This kind of cohesion among colleagues make all of the work in company more vital and animated. As shown above, there are sometimes a few job which needs to compete each other. Nevertheless, I think that companionship and humanity are much more robust than some kind of incentive from competing among colleagues.