gardol

Hi Anitha. Don't worry about anything.You have got the topic right.To me,it deserves an excellent mark. First you have two sentences of introductory words going from general to specific.Then you state your thesis clearly.That makes the perfect introduction. In the first paragraph of the body you contrast both views and give reasons and details.I would say it would be better if you gave an example from your experience in addition to the details in order to clarify how you came to have that opinion.But since there is no special requirement for examples in the essay directions they are not that crucial. The second paragraph is reasonably devoted entirely to your attitude.You present reasons(to ask questions and discuss the topic). I believe the third paragraph is the best.The two reasons you stated are of great importance,but they are often forgotten and it is a bonus to remind your readers of them( shyness which can be overcome that way and the feedback for the teacher) For the conclusion I think you should restate your thesis in other words in one sentence.In the next one or two sentences you can summarize your reasons and then end with a phrase to catch eye with. I suppose in the end you were running out of time and could not develop the conclusion as good.But it is still very good. I am sure you will do your essay and wish you good luck on the other sections as well!

Hi Hinda:), I am writing because No.175 was the topic I had when I took the TOEFL a month ago.It was rated 4.0.I think this essay is from the preference type and therefore both views should be developed and then contrasted,nevertheless you should stress on your own opinion.That is what I've been taught.And the most important thing is to give an example from your school experience.For example when a teacher allowed you to present the topic to the class or discuss it with one another and as a result you learned the topic better.That is what I think for that topic.Your essay is very good for a home assignment but since time is concerned in TOEFL you have no time to state,develop and defend several reasons. Good luck on your TOEFL!