Please proofread my proposal.Thank you:)

[flori183]

I am preparing on my own for CAE and I would appreciate if someone coulg give me some advices which will improve my writing skills.Thank you very much!:)

 

My task was to put an suitable timetable for an event and there was a short input material with some points that were needed to be adressed. This is my answer:

Orientation weekend for new students

 

Introduction

I have been requested to sumbit a report with regard to the most suitable/ appropriate timetable for the event.Additionally, informal events and leisure possibilities have been presented ( synonim).

 

Saturday

It would be helpful to students to be told about college regulations Saturday morning immediately after breakfast - this would be an ideal way to start the orientation weekend. Next, at 1 or 2 o'clock it would be of great benefit to students if we present the library and the basic steps needed to be taken for a memeber's card. You might alos like to consider showing students our Sports Hall as I had received some requests regarding these point of interest. These could be done late in the afternoon and then,in the evening we could hold here a disco where students could meet their teachers and fellow students in a relaxed atmosphere.

 

Sunday

It might be a good idea to start the day with a short but informative itroduction on our computer room so students could see how well equiped is our college.These could take place early in the morning and then it would be advisable to present our research center, and briefly its field of studies - we could start with the Earth sciences laboratory (or laboratory of Earth science?). First ( synonim??) in the afternoon it would be preferable to set up an exhibition in the Main Hall with information stands of all college clubs.

 

Conclusion

I trust that you will consider the above proposal, as I firmly believe that is the most suitable schedule for the orientation weekend held at the beginning of the next academic year. I would be glad to explain my ideas in detail if required.

[atse]

There are a few words you spell incorrectly, so I suggest using spell-check. A friendly suggestion about writing is that you want to be as clear as possible. You should always try to delete the extra words in your sentences that do not help with the message. I'm not saying that you are being wordy, but this is just a good thing to think about whenever you are writing. Reading critically also helps you to write better because you can adopt other writers' sentence structures and learn more vocabulary. I hope I am not responding to this too late, but I can help you fix the mistakes I catch.

 

 

 

Introduction

I have been requested to propose a suitable timetable for the event including informal activities and leisure possibilities.

 

Saturday

It would be helpful to inform the students about college regulations on Saturday morning, immediately after breakfast - this would be an ideal way to start the orientation weekend. Afterwards, at 1-2pm, Students can benefit from a tour of the library and the basic steps needed to start a membership card. You might also like to consider showing students the Sports Hall since I had received some requests regarding these point of interest. These tours can be given in the late afternoon. Then, in the evening we could hold a disco where students can meet their teachers and fellow students in a relaxed atmosphere.

 

Sunday

It might be a good idea to start the day with a short but informative introduction of our computer room, so students can see how well-equipped our college is.This could take place early in the morning. Then we could present our research center and briefly cover the fields we offer there, starting with the Earth sciences laboratory. The afternoon would be an ideal time to set up an exhibition in the Main Hall with college club information stands.

 

Conclusion

I trust that you will consider the above proposal, as I firmly believe that this is the most suitable schedule for the orientation weekend held at the beginning of the next academic year. I would be glad to explain my ideas in detail.