TM Staff

Hi, DrNet. You have the basic skeleton of an essay going on here, but you will need to flesh it out quite a bit for it to be completely successful. In the body, when you state your main points (First, Secondly, etc.), you need to consider turning each one of these into a separate paragraph dealing with the idea. State these main ideas in the introduction and when you address them in the body, make them solid by adding examples and lengthening your discussion of each point. Don't use the conclusion to introduce any further opinions or new material. Instead, be sure to restate your main points and your point of view in a way that will be memorable to your readers. I hope this will be of help to you. Best of luck, TM Staff

Hi, Polygon. Your writing in this essay is clear and concise, but there is a problem in that it fails to answer the topic question asked of you. The question is whether or not it is a good thing that food today is easier to prepare, but your essay actually describes how the food is easier to prepare and why people don't have as much time as they used to for eating. You always want to answer the question directly and not just speak about or around the topic in general. Answer with your opinion and state a couple of main points supporting this opinion. It is your conclusion, ultimately, that provides the readers with an answer to the question. However, this information needs to come right at the start of your essay and then you need to spend the majority of your essay supporting it. I hope this will be of help to you. Best of luck, TM Staff

Hi Feiyin, You've made a good attempt at answering the question in your essay. There are some points that you should be aware of, however, that will help you improve your writing. First of all, the main points of your essay need to be included in the introduction of your essay. It really isn't until the conclusion of your work, that the readers are clearly given your main points. These should be mentioned at the beginning of your essay, and used as guidelines for the body of the work. Use one main point per paragraph and give good examples in the paragraph for support. Also, the body, as it is, is hard to read. It needs to be separated into clear paragraphs with each one containing its own main idea addressing the topic in the question. I hope this will be of help to you. Best of luck, TM Staff

Hi, Zahra4000 You've done a good job at approaching this topic with a specific point of view in mind. What you want to be sure to remember in your essays for the TWE is that you always want to state your point of view and list your main points in the introduction. You have some really good examples in this particular essay, but they seem to be isolated, or without connection to a main point. In other words, by dedicating an entire body paragraph to an example (i.e. the example of the Japanese Prime Minister), the reader is unable to differentiate between main points and examples. Also, since the topic at hand is actually asking for a comparison between observation of work vs. observation of leisure activities, it would be better to answer the question in this manner, as opposed to simply supporting the idea of observing a nation in its leisure time. You clearly show which side you support, but you haven't specifically stated that you do so anywhere in the essay. I hope this will be of help to you. Best of luck, TM Staff

Hi, Aioria. Your essay seems to present a definite point of view on the topic at hand, but there is a bit of a problem in the way the material is presented. The essay, as it is, is more of a general discussion of the topic which shows the reader that you support the idea of saving land for endangered species. What is missing, and what is very important for the types of questions asked on the TWE, is the existence of a couple of clearly stated main points supported by solid examples. A statement of main points on this topic, for instance, might be something like: "Land needs to be preserved for endangered species in the world because animals play a vital role in our world and land, itself is a finite resource which, without human restraint, will eventually be depleted." In this example there are two clear points: a) animals are vital in our world b) land itself is in danger of disappearing. The writer of this statement would be able to use it as a guideline for the rest of his/her essay. Each point should serve as a topic for individual paragraphs within the body of the work. Examples of each of these things should be included for further support. Use your conclusion to restate these points, as well as your point of view on the topic. Your conclusion does the second part fairly well. Consider working on these suggestions for focus and clarity and you should be able to achieve the score you desire. I hope this will be of help to you. Best of luck, TM Staff

Hi, Sanyu. Your essay starts out well. I think you have a good understanding of the initial hook and introduction which set the tone for the rest of the essay. One thing you need to work on though, is clearly defining your main points. Your opinion is very clear and well stated, but needs to be backed up initially in the introduction, and later in the body of the work with two or three main points. Main points are not examples. As it is, your body primarily contains examples rather than main points. Dedicate one paragraph per main point in the body and follow their initial statement with examples in order to add support. Your conclusion must also reference these points and restate your point of view. I hope this will be of help to you. Best of luck, TM Staff

Hi, Ruslan. You have made a good attempt at the TWE here, but there are some things that should be noted. First, it is important when answering the question that you state your point of view clearly. As it is, your essay begins vaguely. You state that the past has no value for people in the present, but spend the rest of your essay supporting the idea that history is important. This contradicts your initial viewpoint. The word that most of the confusion stems from, I believe, is the word "moreover". I believe the word you intended to use was "however". It's an easy mistake, but you really want to be sure that you are clear on adverb clause markers (however, even though, furthermore, etc.) so that you can help your readers clearly understand what you think. Occasional mix-ups on words in English are to be expected, but when it is words like this which determine meaning, correct word choice is essential. Secondly, I would recommend that you organize your thoughts before writing, so that you answer the two essential questions being asked here: "What is your opinion?" and "What are the main points which support this opinion?" Use the introduction to answer these questions and use the body of the essay to address the main points. A standard one paragraph per main point format would be a good way to go. Also, make sure that your main points are clear and separate points. Avoid just speaking in general about the topic. For your conclusion, you really just need a couple of good sentences restating in other words what you've already told your readers. Leave them with a strong sentence that expresses your point of view in a way they'll remember. I hope this will be of help to you. Best of luck, TM Staff

Hi, Sanyu. Your essay contains a lot of what is expected in the TWE, but it requires quite a bit of editing before it will be a successful essay. It is always better to create a solid argument in your essay by picking one side of the topic or the other. It is unneccessay to explain both points as you've done in the beginning of your essay. Rather, it is important to state your opinion supporting one side in the introduction of the essay along with the main points you will be discussing in the body of the work. It is really not until the third paragraph that you tell the reader your viewpoint. This is much too far along in the essay. In addition, a personal example given for support is fine, but it needs to be part of a paragraph supporting one of your main ideas. As it is, the example you've given seems to be a random example included in the essay and its inclusion is actually not explained until the last sentence in the paragraph. No concluding paragraph in this example leads the reader to believe that it is unfinished. All essays need to have a concluding paragraph which restates what has been said throughout the essay without introducing any new material. You will also need to watch for incomplete sentences and errors in punctuation and capitalization. Although these are, by no means, the biggest problems to be found in essay writing, they will only serve to further distract your readers. I hope this will be of help to you. Best of luck, TM Staff

Hi, Jodie. I think you've done a good job in your attempt to answer the topic at hand. There are some things you could do, however, to improve your essay. First of all, you should include your two main points in the introductory paragraph of your essay rather than just saying, "The reasons run as follows." In doing so, you will ensure your readers' understanding of your point of view. The second body paragraph is a bit unfocused. It states that what can be learned is invaluable, but is somewhat weak in its support of this idea through examples. The first example stated is clearer than the other two. Always be sure to give solid examples that support your topic sentence. I hope this will be of help to you. Best of luck, TM Staff

Hi, Mattse. Let's look at your first essay. It is obvious from reading your essay that you have put some time into developing your thoughts on the topic and that you have quite a good vocabulary. The points you should focus on developing a bit more is organization and clarity in the expression of your ideas. The easiest way to make an essay clearer (especially the TWE) is to set it up into a standard five paragraph essay. Use your introduction to state your point of views and introduce the main points to your reader. Then separate the body into two or three paragraphs with one main point per paragraph. As it is currently, your point of view is unclear. You talk about both sides of the issue, but it is always better to pick a "side" support it. It creates a much stronger argument and will ultimately lead to more clarity in your work. The conclusion is handled pretty well in this essay. I would recommend reformatting the essay into standard paragraphs, clearly stating your opinion and arguing for one side of the topic at hand. I hope this will be of help. Best of luck, TM Staff

Hi, Polygon. It is easy to see that you've given some good thought to what it is that you want to say in your essay. A good rule of thumb to follow when writing these essays is to keep in mind what your readers need. In your essay you should tell them what you are GOING to tell them (introduction), tell them (body), and then tell them what you've TOLD them (conclusion). In your introduction, your point of view is made clear and this is good. You should work on transitional sentences between paragraphs, however. After mentioning "inventories (I think you mean "inventions" and discoveries" in the introduction, you should introduce the examples you use with some kind of transition. Don't start a paragraph with "For example". A stronger transition would be something like, "Luck has had very little to do with the greatest discoveries and inventions in our history. One of the strongest examples of this fact, is the discovery of penicillin." Reconsider all of the sentences between your paragraphs. These act as guideposts for your readers and contribute to the necessary flow of the text. Your concluding paragraph and its intitial sentence is much more successful this way. The conclusion is handled quite well in this essay. There are some small grammatical problems, but they are not as much of a concern as clarity, organization and expression of ideas. I hope this will be of help to you. Best of luck, TM Staff

Hi, Polygon. It is easy to see that you've given some good thought to what it is that you want to say in your essay. A good rule of thumb to follow when writing these essays is to keep in mind what your readers need. In your essay you should tell them what you are GOING to tell them (introduction), tell them (body), and then tell them what you've TOLD them (conclusion). In your introduction, your point of view is made clear and this is good. You should work on transitional sentences between paragraphs, however. After mentioning "inventories (I think you mean "inventions" and discoveries" in the introduction, you should introduce the examples you use with some kind of transition. Don't start a paragraph with "For example". A stronger transition would be something like, "Luck has had very little to do with the greatest discoveries and inventions in our history. One of the strongest examples of this fact, is the discovery of penicillin." Reconsider all of the sentences between your paragraphs. These act as guideposts for your readers and contribute to the necessary flow of the text. Your concluding paragraph and its intitial sentence is much more successful this way. The conclusion is handled quite well in this essay. There are some small grammatical problems, but they are not as much of a concern as clarity, organization and expression of ideas. I hope this will be of help to you. Best of luck, TM Staff

Hi, Rkeller. The first thing I would suggest in the way of improving your essay would be to try to follow a standard five paragraph format for organizing your ideas. Start with an introduction that answers the question at hand and shows how you feel about the topic. Be sure to include two or three main points directly stated at this point so that your readers know where you will be headed in the body of your essay. In the body of your essay, as it is, it is not until the third paragraph that your readers are able to understand what your point of view is (or-- what the thing is that you would change about your hometown). This should be stated much earlier so that your readers have an idea of topic you'll be addressing. Overall, you just want to be sure that you have a strong organizational technique to follow in approaching the TWE. You really can't write it as though you would a letter or a discussion. A good simple format will be one of your most useful tools. Use your conclusion to wrap it all up. Restate what you've already said and be sure not to include any new information. I hope this will be of help to you. Best of luck, TM Staff

Hi, Crystal. Although I would normally recommend to takers of the TWE that they choose just one side or the other of the topic presented, I think you've made a pretty good attempt to argue support for both sides. It is much easier to be successful if you do choose one side and develop a strong argument for it. However, since you've chosen to provide support for both sides, I would recommend that you dedicate a bit more time and space to these points in the introduction of your essay. Explain what you are going to attempt to answer in the body of your work. In addition to this, the conclusion should be developed further so as to include adequate follow up to the body of your essay. Introductions and conclusions should never be as short as one sentence. Work on developing all of your ideas a bit further. Provide support in the way of good examples. Stretch it all out a bit. I hope this will be of help to you. Best of luck, TM Staff

Hi, Ruslan. I think you've got a good start here, but the focus of your essay is a bit unclear. This can be easily resolved by reworking your introduction. Use your introduction to state your opinion on the topic and then state the two or three main points that you'll be dedicating the body of your essay to supporting. You should also be sure to pick either one side or the other of the argument. Trying to support both sides, or to give examples on both sides, only tends to weaken your support. Your conclusion is too brief to significantly contribute to the success of your essay. You should use the conclusion to wrap things up for your readers. Restate what you've already said without adding any new details, but leave the readers with a strong, final thought. Drive your point home. I hope this will be of help to you. Best of luck, TM Staff

Hi, Nyain Chan. There are a couple of things to note in your essay. First of all, you should try to include at least two main points in your introduction. As it is, I am able to find one: that you would like to learn in order to help your country in the future. The two or three main points mentioned in the introduction will later serve as the basis for the body of your essay. The body, at this time, is a bit confusing. If you have a couple of main points supported with good examples like the ones you've already included, you will be able to lead your readers through the essay clearly and provide a strong argument supporting your opinions. Use the conclusion to summarize what you've said. This will add further support to what you are trying to say. A standard five paragraph essay with solidly connected paragraphs, ending in a strong conclusion will help you be successful in your future attempts at mastering the TWE. I hope this will be of help to you. Best of luck, TM Staff

Hi, Joyyoj. I think you've done a fine job on this attempt at the TWE. There are some points to consider, however, which may help you be even more successful in future attempts. First of all, your organization is quite good. It is a good idea, however, to include or list the main points of your essay in the introduction rather than just using phrases like "the following points" or "my reasons are outlined as follows". This gives your reader a kind of "headstart" in understanding where you will be going in the paper and adds strength in the clarity of your essay. Minor grammar points are not overly significant, but double-checking your essay when it is finished for sentences like, "Lastly, teachers can suggest students to search for new knowledge..." which should read, "Lastly, teachers can suggest (that) students search for new knowledge..." is always a good idea. Your conclusion is fine, except for the example included at the end. It seems to be an afterthought or simply tagged on at the end. Don't introduce new material in the introduction. Use it to restate your main ideas (not examples) and opinion on the question at hand. I hope this will be of help to you. Best of luck, TM Staff

Hi, ICY. You've made a good try with your essay, but there are some key points of concern that you should work on improving. First of all, when answering this type of question (agree/disagree or advantages/disadvantages) you need to pick one side of the argument and stick with it. Don't move back and forth between the two points of view unless you are asked to discuss both in the question. Your essay would've have been more successful if you had simply written about the advantages of cell phone and e-mail communication, rather than addressing the disadvantages as well. Another point to keep in mind, which you've done to a point in your essay, is to include your main points in the introduction and to address each of these points in paragraphs in the body of your essay. You should eliminate the first paragraph of the body in this essay altogether. It only confuses the readers and takes them away from your main ideas. Your summary does what it is supposed to: to restate what you've already said in your essay. Make sure that you pay close attention to "obvious" spelling and grammar errors like incorrect parts of speech--i.e. "summaries" where "summarize" is needed. I hope this will be of help to you. Best of luck, TM Staff

Hi, Guns n Roses. Initially, your essay looks quite organized. The format that you've chosen with five separate paragraphs is good. However, each paragraph needs to serve a purpose. The first, the introduction, must introduce your reader to your opinion and the main points that will be discussed in the essay. As it is, it is unclear what your main points are. State these together in one thesis statement. You want to be sure to answer the question as it is asked. You need to focus on a couple of points that show other reasons that people work. The second paragraph in the body of the essay talks about slaves, but doesn't really relate to the topic. I can see your organization into different classes of people, but I think a stronger essay could have been written if you'd written three separate paragraphs on three different reasons people work. The conclusion, also lacks direction. Use the conclusion to refer back to the points you've already made. Restate them in another way. This is a good way to tie it all together. The number one point you should be aware of is staying on topic. Organinze your paper using the format you have, continue to include examples, but be sure to answer the question as directly as possible and to have two or three main points made clear to your readers throughout the essay. I hope this will be of help. Best of luck, TM Staff

Hi, Badr. I think you have made a good attempt at your essay here, but there are some points that should be noted. First of all, the focus of your essay, although it may seem clear to you, is not as clear to determine for your readers. You have dedicated equal amounts of the essay to discussing the positive aspects of both art and science, even though it is clear from your conclusion that you feel that science is a greater contributor to society, as a whole. You should let this one idea be the focus of your paper and build your main points and the body of the essay around this. It will strengthen your discussion of the topic. Watch for minor grammatical and even typing errors (running words together, forgetting capitalization and punctuation...etc.), as well. Clarity is important in the TWE and these points can distract your readers and lead to a misunderstanding of what you are trying to say. I hope this will be of help to you. Best of luck, TM Staff

Hi, Dxt. The main thing for you to focus on in this essay is the organization of your ideas. You should use the introduction to introduce a couple of specific points that you will address in the body of your essay. These are the main points of the essay. List two or three specific reasons here that you think make Mr. Dong worthy of this recognition. Use each one of these points as paragraphs in the body of the essay. You have given some good examples in your essay. Rework them into support of a specific point. For example, if you feel that he was a good leader and want this to be one of your main points, you might provide the example you've given of how he reacted to the French invasion for support. Use specific examples for specific points. With a little bit of reorganization and the formulation of a couple specific main points, I think you will be able to create a much stronger essay. I hope this will be of help to you. Best of luck, TM Staff

Some people prefer changes while some others prefer to stay the same. These two life styles may have their advantages and disadvantages. However it is unfair to say which is better than the other if we do not consider both sides of the story in the following paragraph. Some people, especially elderly people, prefer to stay the same because they don't have enough energy to catch up the pace of changes. They are afraid to buy a modern device because it is so complicated that they cannot understand or use it properly. For these elderly people, changing means time-consuming and effort-wasting. However, youngsters of modern days like changing. They are dynamic and have more power to learn and to absorb new things. They are eager to learn new technologies and techniques. They adapt to new environments quickly. They can use internet to help them solve any problems. This generation sometimes is so-called the @ generation. In addition, changing can help the world to be better. As we all know, our ancestors with their primitive tools can did only the simple things. They had to depend much on nature while in the modern day modern people have controlled their world and not depend on it anymore. Modern people can build their own houses to protect them self from nature. They can use modern technologies manage nature. That all originates from the changes made by human being. In my opinion, the advantages of changing outweigh those of staying the same because changing fits me better in two ways: First, it gives me opportunities to learn new things and to use my knowledge. Second, it makes my life better with new technologies applied to my life and my work. Hi, Uhcl. At first glance, your essay looks organized in the basic way that most TOEFL essays are written, but upon further investigation, some points of concern arise. The first point to note is that your conclusion is actually what would be expected of a introduction. It gives your opinion about the topic and supports your opinion with a couple of main points. If you had chosen this as your introductory paragraph, you would have been able to write a much stronger essay. The two points: ( 1) change provides opportunities for learning and 2) change in technology makes life better) are great support to argue in favor of change. Also, your essay, as it is, lacks focus since you have chosen to discuss both sides of the topic rather than to focus in on one and support it. These are key things to keep in mind when approaching the TWE. Clarity, organinzation and good support will lead to success. I hope this will be of help to you. Best of luck, TM Staff

sininho, You have some very good ideas here in the introduction, but there are a few things that are making it hard for the reader to grasp your intentions quickly and easily. Let me give you some examples. First of all, I'm not sure what "the concept" refers to. If I read the rest of your essay, I can figure out what you mean, but you should specify this yourself in the introduction. Your introduction would be much stronger if you said something like "People have a tendency to give more importance to the opinions of famous people than to those of ordinary people." Second, the "in which we live" after society is redundant and should be removed. Third, this sentence is a little bit vague: "I believe that this will always depend on the situation and type of opinion that is given by them." I'm not sure what "this" and "them" refer to. You could rewrite this sentence like this: "However, I believe that people do not always give more importance to the opinions of famous people just because they are famous. I think people are intelligent and will pay more attention to the opinion of a famous person when that person is qualified to give an opinion." This is just a suggestion, though. :) Finally, your usage of the word "exemplify" is not quite right. The way you've used it, you mean that YOU are the example. Why don't you just say "I will give some examples."? Believe it or not, you can get a high score by using very simple language, and as always, it's better to use simple but correct English than hard but wrong English. Hope that helps! :D

Hi, Ditoman. I think you've done quite well on organizing your essay here. It is easy to determine what your main points are and to see how you support them in your essay. You give good examples for support and your conclusion summarizes nicely what you've said in the essay. What you're going to want to start doing at this point is fine-tuning your essays, since you seem to have a basic successful format down for writing them. By "fine-tuning" them, what I mean is that you need to pay close attention to grammar, word-choice and details (comfort vs. comfortness). Take these things into consideration and give it another shot. Keep up the good work. I hope this will be of help to you. Best of luck, TM Staff

Hi, Nicke17. You have the beginnings of a good basic essay here, but will need to work on it a bit for it to be successful. In the introduction, you have stated your point of view, but have not included your main points. These are the points that make up the foundation of the body of the essay. You should list them in the introduction and then use them as guidelines (one paragraph per point) in the body. Consider using the standard five paragraph essay with an introduction, body, and conclusion. In the body of the work it is important to provide examples for support. You have attempted to do so in the example of England's support for America, but you should "flesh out" or elaborate on the example given. Your conclusion should be a concise, yet powerful, restatement of your point of view and your main ideas. Summarize what you've said for your readers, but in a way that they will remember what you think about the topic. I hope this will be of help to you. Best of luck, TM Staff