Your essay does not adequately respond to the topic. According to the speaker, MUST people who want reform have to be viewed with disdain? You point out in your introduction that these people wanting reformation must be united in their belief for change, but that does not answer whether they must give up their own reputation and social standing. Saying that the statement "mingles different attitudes in different situations" is unclear in meaning because we do not use the word "mingle" the way you do here, and your previous sentences do not show what kind of situations you might be referring to. Moreover, you then state that you can't agree with this "mingling," but your body paragraphs do not really explain this.
In paragraph 2, you discuss how due to inequality (not equity/inequity - wrong word), people want reform. (Don't use "a" before the word reform. Just "reform" is correct. Don't use "the" before the word reform either unless you are referring to a specific reform that the reader knows what you are referring to, such as financial reform.) You also say that it is due to inequality that leads to ALL reform. That's a very strong statement that you don't provide enough examples to support. (Was the Protestant Reformation due to inequality? No, Martin Luther wanted reformation because the Catholic Church strayed from Jesus' teachings.) Be careful when using words like "all," "never," or "none" because supporting statements with those words is very difficult.
What you should do is begin paragraph 2 with the sentence that begins with "thus." It will help your reader quickly know the point you are trying to make. From that point, showing the examples about Chinese peasants and black slaves wanting to improve their social standing is good in refuting the speaker's position. Then showing why they want reform (inequality) would make more sense.
I do not understand what you are trying to say in paragraph 3. You talk about inequality, to new government, to greed, back to inequality, to reforming utopia (what is this?), then "goals of changes in status are not achieved" (again, I do not understand what this means). Basically, you don't have a main point here in body 2, so all you have are just a bunch of ideas together.
After reading your last paragraph, that is when I figured out that you were trying to qualify the topic, but it was too little, too late.
Make sure you clearly tell your reading what you are trying to prove, and then use better reasons and examples. The ideas about Chinese peasants and black slaves is good, but everything else is just irrelevant.
I would say this essay would get at most a score of a 3. Think of better ideas, make sure you have a strong thesis statement, and you should be able to write a much higher scoring essay.