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shaboomshaboom

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  1. In an ideal world, AW shouldn't count for anything. I'm applying for History, which obviously stresses the importance of writing skills. Luckily they don't look so much at the AW, and focus more on the application letter and writing sample.
  2. It's August 10th- come up so soon :S When is yours? Yes that would be great if we could exchange some more essays for criticism! The whole AW section makes me incredibly nervous, which is silly because it doesn't seem very important compared to the rest of the exam.
  3. Thanks for rating my essay! I'd give your essay a 4.5. It's well structured, and you state your thesis clearly. I think you would lose marks with grammar/sentence structure, because sometimes it gets in the way with understanding your point. For instance: "In conclusion, the advantages of tailoring the curriculum to suit the needs of a locality would be lost should be national curriculum be adapted." -the last part is pretty awkward and confusing. Perhaps you should spend a bit longer editing the essay at the end. A helpful tip in editing is to read it out-loud (although you'll have to do it really quietly during the real GRE:P) -it's easy to catch mistakes that way. Another tip- DON'T USE CLICHES like "one should never put all the eggs in one basket." - you really should avoid using cliches on the GRE essay. Your point about lobbyist interfering with the curriculum was really great and well argued, and really didn't need the cliche. Perhaps you should restate your specific points in the conclusion. Maybe something like "The mere advantage of uniformity of curriculum and exams cannot provide sufficient justification to shun the advantages of decentralized curriculum such as allowing for variety and avoiding issues like lobbyists." -not exactly like that, but it's always good to list your points in the intro and conclusion. Overall, great job:) and good luck on your test!
  4. This isn't my best, but I was just wondering how it would do. Topic: In order for any work of art—for example, a film, a novel, a poem, or a song—to have merit, it must be understandable to most people.Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position. Response: For a work of art to have merit, it does not necessarily have to be understandable, however it must be intriguing or thought provoking. Simply because a piece of work is understandable does not mean it is art. Indeed, many blockbuster movies are extremely easy to comprehend, however they are not considered art. Furthermore, many complex or abstract paintings and poems are not easily understandable by the broad public, however they evoke intense emotions, they intrigue and inspire the mind. However, if a piece of work is not comprehensible and also does not evoke a reaction, it is not worthy of art. It is the ability to stimulate the senses and provoke thought that makes art worthy, not whether it is understandable. The average popular blockbuster movies is extremely easy to understand. It can have a basic plot, following the normal paradigm of the genre. It does not require the audience to stress their cognitive abilities to comprehend the premise of the movie. However, few would consider these movies art. Indeed, understandability is not a requisite for fine art. Artistic films are not always as easy to understand as popular films. They may not contain a simple plot -many do not have a plot at all. Nonetheless, these films -while not always understandable- can stimulate the senses, provoke emotions, and intrigue the audience. For instance, McGill University had a film competition. The movie that won did not have a plot: it was a confusing jumble of scenes in Montreal traffic. However, the film provoked a feeling of unease and anxiety as it showed the busy traffic of the streets. Indeed, it is not necessary for works of art to be understandable for it to contain merit- however it must be thought or emotion provoking. Similarly, many abstract paintings are not easy for the average person to understand. Modern and abstract art is not a simple scenery painting at can be understood by everyone- it often contains erratic features, harsh lines, and incomprehensible aspects. For instance, Jackson Pollock's paintings are likely hard for the everyday person without a fine arts degree to understand. Indeed, the average person may not be able to analyze the arbitrarily splashes of paints or the erratic applications of lines or color in his paintings. However, simply because many do not understand his paintings does not mean Pollock's work do not deserve merit. Thousands of people from all over the word still flock to the Guggenheim in New York to catch a glimpse of Pollock's work. Indeed, his paintings -with their startling colors and blunt shapes- while quite understandable, still evoke a visceral response from the audience, either of excitement, confusion, or enchantment. Indeed, the incomprehensibility of Pollock's paintings does not render his paintings worthless- they are still a valued part of the art world. However just because a piece is not understandable does not automatically mean it is worthy of merit. A poem that is merely a jumble of arbitrarily picked words does not make it a valued piece of art. If the audience reads it and is not moved in a certain way, then it is not worthy of merit and should not be considered art. Indeed, artwork must elicit emotion or stimulate thought for it to be worthwhile. While popular blockbuster movies are understandable, they are not thought provoking such as Pollock's paintings, which are not easily understood but stimulates emotions. thanks!!!
  5. Hey! I hope this isn't too late. Your essay is really well structured, easy to read, and states the thesis very clearly. Make sure to add transitional sentences when you start a new paragraph in order to link them better. Also, to strengthen your essay, you should probably add a paragraph (or even a sentence) looking at the other side of the argument (the negative side to a standardized curriculum). And maybe address the fact that not all students want to go the university or higher level education that requires standardized tests. But I think it was a really great essay! Don't know how it would score... perhaps a 5?
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