profile evaluation request Need help in reviewing SOP

[sugar]

Below is my statement of purpose. I am applying to universities from Europe, and though I am aware academic culture varies a lot within Europe, I cannot pinpoint it further, to where I am exactly applying.

 

I have tasted many failures in the past couple of months. I have started to feel depressed that I might not be able to get the scholarship. I have not yet given up, but I am not even sure what is wrong. Because in my proximity, I am a very successful (though this is subjective term, one can correlate to what this generally means) fellow, people come to me with their list of problems (mostly technical), and I solve it with ease.

I have fought really hard to come till this point, and I think I am lost now. With no feedback at all, I am getting rejections from almost everywhere.

 

Therefore, without taking the failures personally, I am trying to improve one piece at a time.

Here is my statement of purpose. Please evaluate it as per your own methods, and pl let me know the smallest possible thing that you think is wrong. I won't even mind if you use rash language and perform a very strict evaluation, but please, could you help me in identifying what is wrong with this SOP?

 

side-note: I have to put this here, because I do lack a strong network who will evaluate my SOP.

 

================================================================================

Statement of Purpose

Introduction

My long and enjoyable interaction with computer science goes back one decade when I first learned to program. My initial motivation in studying computer science was its formal, rigorous and mathematical nature, but around five years ago, when I met Dr. Vijay Gokhle, my context got defined, and since then, I am working with undaunted relentless passion. He is a doctor of a human body, but also internationally respected technical fellow, and he keeps motivating me.

The concept of applying mathematics in the real world has fascinated me since childhood and therefore I chose to pursue B.Sc. Computer Science. After three years, passing a very competitive national exam, I got admitted to the Interdisciplinary School of Scientific Computing for the Masters in Scientific Computing program. I was naturally attracted to the world of computer vision and graphics. I have been working in the Computer Vision area for the last three years. My main research interests are related to affective computing, especially spatio-temporal analysis of images. My motivation for pursuing research related to computer vision stems from seeking to find solutions to practical problems, and my intuitive feeling that I have the potential to change the way people interact with visual data. I aspire to develop intelligent algorithms that perform visual perception tasks such as activity recognition, scene understanding, fusion, etc.

 

Research Experience

As a full time researcher at ************* LABS, taking the first step towards my goals, I started with researching the problem of Activity Recognition based on Kinect. I have devised a novel way of representing the activities mathematically, and recognition on top of this representation yields accuracy of 86% on standard datasets. This method has roots in human body kinematics and particle motion from Computer Graphics. This research proved to be very important for me. ************* LABS being a product company, and most of the work is focused on applications and monetizing the solutions, I had to single-handedly own the problem, convince the authorities that it was indeed a significant finding. During the process, I learned multiple skills such as constructively criticizing the work, using the precise words and understanding what is important in a context of a problem at hand. Initially, while facing the hurdles, I spent many sleepless nights till I could form a mathematically accurate model. Having a firm grasp on the maths an computer science fundamentals helped me a lot. Finally, when it was proven that the system actually solves a problem, pushes a boundary of human knowledge further by a small margin, the joy I experienced was beyond anything else that I had ever felt. This algorithm is used at present to demonstrate our group's ability and achievement at ************* LABS and ***********Systems are exploring ways to file a US patent on this method.

Later, when I read about how a researcher should be, I was surprised that unknowingly and naturally, I already possessed many qualities of being a good researcher. I have mastered many machine learning techniques in preparation for my future research work.

In another project, while working on remote sensing, I successfully invented a new method, which detects power lines from an HD camera of UAV in real time using a Kalman filter. This will be used as is in an “IndiaSmartCities” project. Through original research, I also have these two inventions, one basic research and the other one being applied, in my name which I expect to be published in prestigious journals in 2016. I also have a strong understanding of 3D graphics. I have worked on GPU device drivers and written my own game engine for Android using OpenGL ES 2.0. Additionally, during my masters degree, I gained valuable experience in operating system development.

 

Teaching and Leadership

Teaching comes naturally to me; my mother has been a teacher for twenty two years. I have worked as Teaching Assistant in the subject Scientific Visualization – Computer Graphics. During my masters, I taught mathematics to senior high school students. They found it very motivating and appreciated the fact that I always enjoyed explaining how the real world is full of mathematics.

I have also led a group of three people at ************** Systems, to develop Next Generation Data Visualization Techniques, a product which uses OpenGL to represent multidimensional information in an interactive way. Two of the members were more than three years senior to me, and for this achievement, I was awarded intra-company Young Leader of The Year award. Throughout the history, I became the youngest fellow from the LABS division to win this award.

 

Conclusion

For me, problem solving is an experience unmatched by anything else. It would give me immense pleasure to be able to contribute to this subject. My experience reflects few open problems which motivated me, and which I will continue to work on. In addition, after interacting with the members of your group will give me an invaluable opportunity to broaden my horizons and work in many exciting areas of research. Having decided that I will engage in a career in research, I am aware of the kind of dedication, resilience and resolve I will have to show. I feel that I am adequately prepared for that, both in having the technical qualifications and the right mindset for doctoral level research.

[Erin]

It's vital to have the prompt that you're responding to, including the word count requirement. And is this for graduate school? Or an undergraduate program? (I'm assuming graduate school.)

 

Below is my statement of purpose. I am applying to universities from Europe, and though I am aware academic culture varies a lot within Europe, I cannot pinpoint it further, to where I am exactly applying.

 

I have tasted many failures in the past couple of months. I have started to feel depressed that I might not be able to get the scholarship. I have not yet given up, but I am not even sure what is wrong. Because in my proximity, I am a very successful (though this is subjective term, one can correlate to what this generally means) fellow, people come to me with their list of problems (mostly technical), and I solve it with ease.

I have fought really hard to come till this point, and I think I am lost now. With no feedback at all, I am getting rejections from almost everywhere.

 

Therefore, without taking the failures personally, I am trying to improve one piece at a time.

Here is my statement of purpose. Please evaluate it as per your own methods, and pl let me know the smallest possible thing that you think is wrong. I won't even mind if you use rash language and perform a very strict evaluation, but please, could you help me in identifying what is wrong with this SOP?

 

side-note: I have to put this here, because I do lack a strong network who will evaluate my SOP.

 

================================================================================

Statement of Purpose

Introduction

My long and enjoyable interaction with computer science goes back one decade when I first learned to program. My initial motivation in studying computer science was its formal, rigorous and mathematical nature, but around five years ago, when I met Dr. Vijay Gokhle, my context got defined, and since then, I am working with undaunted relentless passion. He is a doctor of a human body, but also internationally respected technical fellow, and he keeps motivating me.

The concept of applying mathematics in the real world has fascinated me since childhood and therefore I chose to pursue B.Sc. Computer Science. After three years, passing a very competitive national exam, I got admitted to the Interdisciplinary School of Scientific Computing for the Masters in Scientific Computing program. I was naturally attracted to the world of computer vision and graphics. I have been working in the Computer Vision area for the last three years. My main research interests are related to affective computing, especially spatio-temporal analysis of images. My motivation for pursuing research related to computer vision stems from seeking to find solutions to practical problems, and my intuitive feeling that I have the potential to change the way people interact with visual data. I aspire to develop intelligent algorithms that perform visual perception tasks such as activity recognition, scene understanding, fusion, etc.

 

Research Experience

As a full time researcher at ************* LABS, taking the first step towards my goals, I started with researching the problem of Activity Recognition based on Kinect. I have devised a novel way of representing the activities mathematically, and recognition on top of this representation yields accuracy of 86% on standard datasets. This method has roots in human body kinematics and particle motion from Computer Graphics. This research proved to be very important for me. ************* LABS being a product company, and most of the work is focused on applications and monetizing the solutions, I had to single-handedly own the problem, convince the authorities that it was indeed a significant finding. During the process, I learned multiple skills such as constructively criticizing the work, using the precise words and understanding what is important in a context of a problem at hand. Initially, while facing the hurdles, I spent many sleepless nights till I could form a mathematically accurate model. Having a firm grasp on the maths an computer science fundamentals helped me a lot. Finally, when it was proven that the system actually solves a problem, pushes a boundary of human knowledge further by a small margin, the joy I experienced was beyond anything else that I had ever felt. This algorithm is used at present to demonstrate our group's ability and achievement at ************* LABS and ***********Systems are exploring ways to file a US patent on this method.

Later, when I read about how a researcher should be, I was surprised that unknowingly and naturally, I already possessed many qualities of being a good researcher. I have mastered many machine learning techniques in preparation for my future research work.

In another project, while working on remote sensing, I successfully invented a new method, which detects power lines from an HD camera of UAV in real time using a Kalman filter. This will be used as is in an “IndiaSmartCities” project. Through original research, I also have these two inventions, one basic research and the other one being applied, in my name which I expect to be published in prestigious journals in 2016. I also have a strong understanding of 3D graphics. I have worked on GPU device drivers and written my own game engine for Android using OpenGL ES 2.0. Additionally, during my masters degree, I gained valuable experience in operating system development.

 

Teaching and Leadership

Teaching comes naturally to me; my mother has been a teacher for twenty two years. I have worked as Teaching Assistant in the subject Scientific Visualization – Computer Graphics. During my masters, I taught mathematics to senior high school students. They found it very motivating and appreciated the fact that I always enjoyed explaining how the real world is full of mathematics.

I have also led a group of three people at ************** Systems, to develop Next Generation Data Visualization Techniques, a product which uses OpenGL to represent multidimensional information in an interactive way. Two of the members were more than three years senior to me, and for this achievement, I was awarded intra-company Young Leader of The Year award. Throughout the history, I became the youngest fellow from the LABS division to win this award.

 

Conclusion

For me, problem solving is an experience unmatched by anything else. It would give me immense pleasure to be able to contribute to this subject. My experience reflects few open problems which motivated me, and which I will continue to work on. In addition, after interacting with the members of your group will give me an invaluable opportunity to broaden my horizons and work in many exciting areas of research. Having decided that I will engage in a career in research, I am aware of the kind of dedication, resilience and resolve I will have to show. I feel that I am adequately prepared for that, both in having the technical qualifications and the right mindset for doctoral level research.

[sugar]

It's vital to have the prompt that you're responding to, including the word count requirement. And is this for graduate school? Or an undergraduate program? (I'm assuming graduate school.)

 

Yes, I understand that, SOP has to be adapted to the group I am applying to.

But at the same time, the content will be more or less same, with addition to the papers I study from that group, and my thoughts on those.

 

And you are right, I am applying for graduate program.

[Erin]

Yes, I understand that, SOP has to be adapted to the group I am applying to.

But at the same time, the content will be more or less same, with addition to the papers I study from that group, and my thoughts on those.

 

And you are right, I am applying for graduate program.

Hi there! Okay, full disclosure. I have not worked on as many computer science applications as I have on other types of personal statements. (My familiarity is with MBA programs, law school, medical school, and of course, applications to undergraduate programs.)

 

With that said, I should note that applying to college, at least in the U.S., is a lot like wooing a boyfriend or girlfriend, at least in the approach you'd take to writing love letters. You (probably) wouldn't write a generic love letter to use with each of the people you're interested in, nor should you do this with your grad school essays.

 

Yeah, you're probably thinking, But is what I wrote okay? Sure it's okay, but in the end, it's really unusable, IMO. You'll need to rewrite everything for each program you're applying to.

 

But some overall advice--at least for the people I work with, we generally recommend crafting more of a narrative and less of a résumé-style essay. In other words, try to make it engaging or interesting in some way. You could achieve this by using humor, some dramatic elements, etc. I assume also that most good programs in CS will want you to go into a bit of detail about some of the projects you've worked on, challenges in CS that you're interested in, etc., so be prepared to discuss that in detail as well.