cocobella76 Posted March 17, 2003 Share Posted March 17, 2003 Dear friends, here is my new essay. Please comment on it. Thank you. Cocobella Topic: Some people think that Governments should spend as much money as possible on developing or buying computer technology. Other people disagree and think that this money should be spent on more basic needs. Which opinions do you agree with? How to spend money is a big question for those who play key roles as governments. Although some people think that Governments should spend as much money as possible on computer technology, I believe that a vast sum of money should be spent on more basic needs. Some people consider that Governments should give priority to computer technology because they might see that it is a modern tool of the economy. However, investing on computer technology needs huge money while the state’s budget is limited and has to meet many other needs of the whole economy. Moreover, computer technology will be useless when it is not applied in a compatible environment because its development goes beyond the developments of other industries. Vietnam is an outstanding example. There, most expensive computers are used as typewriters. Many internet shops grow to attract the young generation in chatting rather than studying or accessing new information. Even in developed countries, more pay to computer technology also will harm people because as human being we should have human-to-human communication and not to think and behave mechanically. In contrast to spend on computer technology, an enormous improvement on more basic needs as education, health care, infrastructure will result in uncountable benefits. If a society’s education is strengthened, all the children can go to school, the knowledge of population will be increased and in turn to create a well trained workforce for the country. Chinese is a famous reference in improving education and now they are becoming one of the most strong economics countries. Besides, spending much money on health sector is also very useful. The healthy people can work well and create more wealth for society. The same result as in education or in health care sector, to upgrade infrastructure will impact positively on the development of whole economy. A convenient transportation will push goods exchange, business and tourist. All of these will make a guarantee for a fast and sustainable development of a country. In conclusion, governments should have a wise calculation in their expenditure. A large spending on more basic needs will give more welfare for population and lead the country to develop in sustainable way. Oppositely, investing more on computer technology will be inefficient and wasteful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
harbinger Posted March 18, 2003 Share Posted March 18, 2003 Hi Originally posted by cocobella76 Dear friends, here is my new essay. Please comment on it. Thank you. Cocobella Sure, that is our pleasure. However you'd better post your essays in another section. Let me see. Here. http://TestMagic.com/forum/forum.asp?FORUM_ID=28 Since I am not a teacher I cannot give you a grade. But I think your essay is good. Though I would like to add some cents and hope that helps. How to spend money is a big question for those who play key roles as IN governments. Although some people think that Governments should spend as much money as possible on computer technology, I believe that vast sum of money should be spent on more basic needs. a government is not a human being therefore the use of "who" in your first sentence sounds awkward. What about if it were "How to spend money is a big question for those who play key roles as IN governments"? For the second sentence, I would add "this" in front of "vast sum of money". Without "this" I feel the sentence does not completely convey our idea. We want to emphasize that the amount of money some people want to use to buy computer technology should be spent on other basic needs. You can translate your sentence into your mother tongue to see the need of "this" in it. Moreover, computer technology will be useless when it is not applied in a compatible environment because its development goes beyond the developments of other industries. The underlined part sounds not correct I think. It is not everywhere the development of computer technology goes beyond the developments of other industries. I would write the sentence like this :" Moreover, computer technology would be useless if when it is not applied in a compatible environment where because its development goes beyond the developments of other industries. Vietnam is an outstanding example. There, most expensive computers are used as typewriters. Many internet shops grow to attract the young generation in chatting rather than studying or accessing new information. Although I cannot say for sure that it is wrong, I doubt the structure " attract somebody in doing something" What about " attract somebody to do something"? Does it sound better? Even in developed countries, more pay to for computer technology also will harm people because as human beings we should have human-to-human communication and not to think and behave mechanically. In contrast to spend on computer technology, an enormous improvement in on more basic needs as education, health care, infrastructure will result in uncountable benefits. If a society’s education is strengthened, all the children can go to school, the knowledge of population will be increased and in turn to create a well trained workforce for the country. The use of "in turn to create" there sounds a little bit confusing to me. What do you mean in that sentence? Chinese is a famous reference in improving education and now they are becoming one of the most strong economics countries. This sentence is grammatically wrong. Chinese ---> the chinese if you want to use the adjective "chinese" as a noun. I would prefere "china" since you are writing about governments. "the most strong economics countries" ??? It does not make sense to me. "Strong" should be "strongest" and "Economics" is name of a subject. Do you mean "economy"? Besides, spending much money on health sector is also very useful. The healthy people can work well and create more wealth for society. The same result as in education or, in health care sector, or in to upgrade infrastructure will impact positively on the development of whole economy. A Convenient transportation will push goods exchange, business and tourism tourist. All of these will make a guarantee for a fast and sustainable development of a country. In conclusion, governments should have a wise calculation in their expenditure. A large spending on more basic needs will give more welfare for to population and lead the country to develop in sustainable way. Oppositely, investing more on computer technology will be inefficient and wasteful. Just my 2 cents :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cocobella76 Posted March 18, 2003 Author Share Posted March 18, 2003 Thanks a million, Harbinger. You have pointed out many mistakes. I am not good in writing and sometimes it is hard for me to express my idea. For instance: If a society’s education is strengthened, all the children can go to school, the knowledge of population will be increased and in turn to create a well trained workforce for the country. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The use of "in turn to create" there sounds a little bit confusing to me. What do you mean in that sentence? *** I mean that "and then will create a well trained workforce for the society". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vvaann Posted March 18, 2003 Share Posted March 18, 2003 Hi, coocobella. I've just read your essay, realizing that your first one is good. Harbinger has given you suggestions for sentence structures already. I just want to discuss a few word usages with you. 1. "...more pay to computer technology..." "Pay" is an amount of money people receive for doing a job. So i think it is not quite appropriate here, in terms of meaning. Moreover, i think "pay", as a noun, is not used before the preposotion "to" to form this kind of structure "pay to something". I'm thinking of a replacing word, "investment". "investment" means money put in businees to make profits and it would better convey your idea in this sentence. So i prefer "...more investment in conputer technology...":) 2. "... result in uncountable benefits..." As i know, "uncountalbe" is rarely used to mean "a lot of". Instead, "countless benefits" and "invaluable benefits", especially the former, are used widely. 3. "... the most strong economics countries..." First, "the most strong" should be "the strongest" as Harbinger has already said. For what you mean, i think just this sentence is enough: "... the strongest economies...". The word "economy" also mean a country when we are talking about its economic system. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cocobella76 Posted March 18, 2003 Author Share Posted March 18, 2003 yes, Vvaann, You are right "the strongest economies...". But as i read somewhere, Pay also mean "money paid for smt" and i think that uncountable = countless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vvaann Posted March 18, 2003 Share Posted March 18, 2003 Originally posted by cocobella76 yes, Vvaann, You are right "the strongest economies...". But as i read somewhere, Pay also mean "money paid for smt" and i think that uncountable = countless. yes, i must admit that "uncountable benefits" is used, but not frequently. Because i often see "countless benefits", i offer it as a natural usage. btw, that "pay" is money paid for something is quite similar to what i said. So i just want you to consider whether "pay" or "investment" is more appropriate in this case, then tell me the difference! or maybe i misunderstood you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cocobella76 Posted March 19, 2003 Author Share Posted March 19, 2003 Hi, Vvaann, "more pay to computer technology" I mean more money paid for computer technology (for buying, investing,ect...). May be i don't explain well this idea. I'm also not so sure about the structure: attract smb in doing smt or attract smb to do smt as Habinger told me. Do u know about it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vvaann Posted March 19, 2003 Share Posted March 19, 2003 Originally posted by cocobella76 Hi, Vvaann, "more pay to computer technology" I mean more money paid for computer technology (for buying, investing,ect...). May be i don't explain well this idea. I'm also not so sure about the structure: attract smb in doing smt or attract smb to do smt as Habinger told me. Do u know about it? I know "attract sb to sth/doing sth", and "attract sb to do sth" is also used. There is not, for sure, the structure like this "attract sb in doing sth". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cocobella76 Posted March 22, 2003 Author Share Posted March 22, 2003 Thank you, vvaann. I will remember this structure. You are very helpful Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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